What are the chances?

[Olleochalex]

So, it turns out that I've got herpes. Doctor confirmed this but no more details.

I have had an outbreak of herpes (small blisters in a round red spot) for about 1/2 weeks every 1 or 2 years over the past few years (maybe 5). At the top of my right buttock (always same place). I have wondered, ignored or thought about going to the doctor to find out what it was, but never did. Last week i finally did something about it, thinking it may be skin cancer. It was then it was diagnosed.

Anyway, i have been with dh for 17 years. I have not had any sexual contact with anyone else at all. I slept around when i was younger, but I can't believe this would lie dormant for about 12 years before getting the first symptoms.

DH denies any wrong doing. So what are the chances that 1) i got this years ago from someone else or 2) i got this non-sexually. I believe i definitely got it from him.

I honestly don't know but it sounds like you don't trust your husband.

Did you ask those questions of your gp when you went?

There is always conflicting evidence on these threads but I tend to believe that the initial outbreak is close to catching. I don't believe that it would lie dormant for years then pop up and think sometimes people cling onto that one in a million chance so they don't have to make any difficult decisions.

Well, you can trust someone implicitly but in the light of new information rhat suggests they might not be as trustworthy as you believed for 17 years, it's wise to review that position. Do you not think?

And that's why the OP is asking. She knows whether or not she has slept with anyone else. She doesn't know if this has been/could have been transmitted non sexually. Hence her asking.

I've heard it can lie dormant for years, but when you first catch it you tend to have a bit of an outbreak - so if you'd caught it years ago you'd have had some sort of rash then, then it can lay dormant.

Although some people can have it and have zero symptoms - is there any possibility your DH had it for years with zero symptoms then perhaps it's transmitted to you if he did have a sore one time?

Does your DH have any symptoms or spots at all in the last five years? If he has zero in a 5 year period and you've had it every now and then during that time, maybe you're the carrier rather than him?

I’d book in with my GP and ask for all information. Don’t google, could be misleading or false, ask them and see what they say.
it could be either one. If it’s a gamble of it could be dormant that long vs you could have gotten it from your husband,
you’ll just have to trust your gut instinct as it’s no real proof if both of those can apply.

Did you ask those questions of your gp when you went?

No...I was too shocked to formulate any questions. Like most things, what to say came too late.

And no I don't trust my husband. But he is trying to use uncertainity to create doubt in my mind. Maybe he is right techically but I think realistically i am right.

OP, you will never, ever know for sure
DH could have had it since before you meet and only just infected you, hence the outbreak
You could have had it all this time
he could have cheated and got it - but could he have kept an outbreak from you

i wouldn’t end my marriage over this