Mum friendships.

[Blueskies55]

Hi
I think this is half venting and the other half research 😅😓
I am a mum of two DD and we have replaced to a new area a year and a bit a go. My daughters are fully loving school and have loads of friends etc.
I on the other hand have relocated and have been struggling to make friends. I've never had tons of friends and now I'm in my mid 30s I've got two very close friends who I see regularly but they live further away. I work remotely part time so spend a lot of time at home.

I'm struggling with the mum friendships. How are they meant to come together? I've repeatedly had the friendly chats about coffees and we talk at the numerous birthday parties but nothing ever comes of it.

I notice the cliquey mums and I'm nice and smiley to everyone. No idea of what is the norm or the way to do this. I'm usually ok with it and sometimes embrace my loner-ish way of living 😂.. but just wanted to see how other mums have done it. Xxx

It's hard isn't it.

What worked for me was firstly organising a whole class party so that I ended up with all the mums phone numbers when they rsvp.

Then just chit chatted on the playground. I found myself naturally talking to DSs friends mums. Messaged to organise a play date and it all just went from there.

You need to be direct though. A specific time and place instead of a vague 'let's do coffee'.

How old are your children? If they are still likely to have parents stay at play dates, start doing those. Is there a class WhatsApp group or similar? If so, suggest coffee after drop off one week or meet at a pub one evening.

And consider volunteering at the school especially for the PTA or other activities like Brownies or Beavers.

@TheSnowyOwl thanks for responding. My DDs have had the odd playdates and I'm a part of all the Whatsapp groups. Just nothing ever seems to firmly happen with me involved anyway. I can try and be a bit more direct I guess?! Also annoyingly all of the PTA catch ups clash with work so far.

@Tootsietwo definitely think maybe I need to be more direct. It is hard though I find myself so socially awkward so I should maybe try harder.

Yes of course you have to be direct! If you talk about getting together for a coffee just say 'I'm free Wednesday how about I meet you at X'?
I did not grow up in the country and find that people here are pleasantly surprised and agreeable if someone else makes the first move. Sure you may find you have little in common occasionally but someone will mesh with you. Be brave.
You could also suggest a classed de coffee morning every other week? That was already established at my children's school - a weekly coffee after drop off (8.30), which meant those who worked could occasionally have a quick one too, though people seem to be more flexible these days. That's how I met a bunch of people in my 50s when I moved on my own with two young kids. I also volunteered at the school, which didn't lead to any real friendships but kept me feeling involved.

My dd is 3, so still at nursery and DH does drop offs and most pick ups so I rarely see other parents, I had to bite the bullet a write a little note and ask the nursery staff to pass it on to X's mum. I included my number and said DD talks about their child a lot and would they like to arrange a play date.
It goes against all of my introverted ways, but I did it.
Then we sit and enjoy a coffee while they run wild in soft play!

Just ask your DDs who they'd like to have over for tea or a play date, etc and then put that to the mum, inviting them over too "for a coffee while the kids play" and fix a date or swap numbers.
Saying "we must grab a coffee" never materialises in my experience

When we moved area it took me a good year or two to settle. I volunteered at my DC’s school and got to meet some
of the other mums that way, as they were lunchtime supervisors. I later became
one myself. Being direct and arranging play dates worked too. Some never really
went anywhere but eventually some click. Good luck!

@MsSquiz yes it never materializes for me either and of late I've been taking it personally as I assumed since I was asked I'd just need to wait. 😅 I think I know better now.