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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A warning

4 replies

shutupalexaeh · 15/06/2023 22:08

If you have kids, and meet a partner who has never had kids, and due to your ages will never have more kids - beware. He will likely not know what it feels like to know you'd lay down your life for another. That's not a bad thing at all. But it also means he might question the level of care and support you may provide for your young adult child, despite possibly having received the same from his own parents.

He will never understand what you feel for your kid. No point to this post other than catharsis x

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 15/06/2023 23:30

Sorry if you've had a bad experience. Your post put me in mind of a friend who has her 19 year old son living with her. She'd been seeing a guy for a while, eventually she invited him round.

Her son had a job interview next day (son was working, this was interview for a new job) and she was ironing son's trousers as she knew he'd get in late from work and be quite tired.

New man gave her a very long lecture about not 'coddling' her son & no way should she be ironing his trousers. Suffice to say, that was his 1st and last visit. I read too many stories of women who take in men who then immediately act as if they're in competition with DCs, whether grown up or not, and think family dynamics must shift to revolve around them. Sounds as if you're better off without this person OP. Preserve your peace.

frozendaisy · 16/06/2023 01:08

Oh I have thought about this should H disappear from the planet, actually it's been discussed and wills are being drawn up. It would be made quite calmly clear that yeah new man you are company I choose nothing else. Take it or leave it. Will always love the kids more, they inherit everything by the way.

shutupalexaeh · 16/06/2023 15:07

."Preserve your peace". I love that. It's crystallised what I need to do. Thank you

OP posts:
Turfwars · 16/06/2023 17:10

Oh Amen!

BIL has no kids. Never wanted them. But he knows everything about rearing children and teens right to adulthood and how they should be disciplined.

Ironically the teens and young adults in the family are already out-adulting him effortlessly and he's in his 40s.

And yes, I'm very close to telling him exactly that when he's critical of them.

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