Don’t love partner anymore

[CoconutPalm]

I’m not sure what I hope to get from
posting here. I suppose I just feel quite stuck and have no one to talk to about this. DP and I have been together for 13 years and have 2 children. I need help to start to love him again.

We’ve had our ups and downs but the past year and a half has been really difficult for many reasons - most of which I blame him for. He made a decision regarding his job which I was really against, which has left has left us much worse off economically and meant him working all weekend and long hours in the week. I’ve been doing the vast majority of childcare, while being the breadwinner and also supporting him practically with his work. I’ve felt so taken for granted and unappreciated.
I don’t want to split up - or rather I do want to, but I won’t consider it because of the children- but I can’t see him as a loving partner anymore and even recoil when he touches me. How do I get past this?

Therapy.

I really don’t think you could, or should, try to rekindle your relationship. Recoiling? There’s no coming back from that. Take a bit of time to prepare for an amicable split. Therapy would only help to work through your feelings around splitting IMO.

recoil when he touches me

Once you find yourself repulsed by someone’s character there’s no turning back I don’t think.

You've lost respect for him, I can't blame you for that but once that has gone you rarely ever get it back, best to plan an amicable as possible split.

"I don’t want to split up - or rather I do want to, but I won’t consider it because of the children"

I grew up with parents like this, parents who didn't love each other and were miserable together but thought they should stay married for the sake of the children. It was such an awful environment to grow up in. Their relationship really affected how I formed relationships with others myself. And now, in my 40s, I still suffer anxiety stemming from childhood emotional distress.

All I would suggest is have a really big think about what you want the outcome to be. I went through exactly what you're describing with ex DP and I'd regretted ending things until I met my current DP. Just be sure you do what feels right for you and don't make any rash decisions without thinking it fully through

Also to add, we still co parent brilliantly and have since we split. The split freaked me out most because I was worried how to go from having DD every second of the day so that time being split between homes but we all got used to it quickly and DD gets 2 of every seasonal event which she likes