Forgive

[TD7]

Who would be able to forgive someone who has treated you bad but has been better for 5 years ….reason for recent split I have not been able to forgive what happen before these last 5 years …I do miss him but I’m worried ppl will think I’m a fool for going back after being on my own for just over a couple of months I feel I’m ready to forgive I’m 56 and it’s not easy out there

So he treated you badly (how? For how long?) But they he started treating you better (just better or started treating you the way you deserve to be treated?) But you've recently split up because you can't get over his past behavior (and always waiting for him to start behaving the same way or he has actually already started treating you the way he used to?) But now you're wondering whether you could actually make a go of it but are worried about other people's opinions on this?
What are the pros to going back and what are the cons?

If you haven't forgiven for 5 years what makes this time different. Sounds like a lot more going on

I think he’s a lot better now than he ever has been he hasn’t hit me for 5 years it’s been bad in the past don’t get me wrong and he’s been soooo much better I’ve just been punishing him now for 5 years but I do still have feelings for him mixed with scared of never meeting someone new I don’t want to be alone I’m confused

There is too much to go through to put it in writing but because of how I feel about being alone I feel to go back …does he really want me or need me can I do better I’m scared to give myself the chance

I'd rather be alone than with an abuser

If you meet someone new then at least you'll be free to recognise him and hopefully see those red flags

You are worth so much more 💐

No, no, no stay out of this now you've finally gotten yourself away from him. You're not punishing him, you're protecting yourself.
You can be happy being single. No walking round on tiptoes, constantly wondering what word or action is going to be one that he use as an excuse to hurt you again.

He hasn't hit you for 5 years 😥.

Do not go back. You're worth so much more.

He won’t hit me again I’m certain of that it’s I don’t trust him he lies over such little things I’m scared I will lose friends if I go back too

It’s hard when you don’t have many single friend to socialise with I’m 56 I am attractive I’m confident of that but are there really many good single men out there I’m not sure

I always end up going back I’m really fighting it this time but I’m lonely and wonder if I try harder and forgive we could be happy

You only left 2 months ago, give it some time. It takes a while to learn to love your own company. Don't choose him

Why are you so desperate for a man? Why can't you face being alone?

Sorry, but he will absolutely hit you again.

There's no way you can be 'certain' he'll never hit you again.
Instead of worrying about how and when you can meet a new man, please try spend some time working on your self-esteem until you recognise that you're worth so much more than a relationship with an abusive man who you're only with because you're scared of being alone and lonely.
Socialise with the friends who are free to, take up old or new hobbies, maybe get some counselling, spend time with family. Be alone and learn to enjoy you're own company. Make new friends rather than new boyfriends

I stayed with someone abusive for 12 years, purely because i didnt want to be alone..i finally plucked up courage to leave and now at 59 being single is brilliant by comparison.
It is scary, but in time you'll look back and wonder why you didnt leave sooner, stick with it, you'll get there!

if they got up off the couch and left you…. Really left you, would you be prepared to forgive them to get them back? If so… forgive them.

“You have been punishing him” are they your words or his? If they are your words, you aren’t over what happened. If they are his words, he’s guilting you into forgetting the past.

He’ll hit you again. He’ll emotionally abuse. It’ll be torture for you. Please don’t go back.
there is nothing wrong with being alone. I’d much rather be alone than be with an abuser. Yes all your friends would be annoyed if you got back with him and rightly so. But really the thing you need to consider is what is making you want to go back to this guy? Take a deep breath. Say I’m worth more, and move on

Hitting is not something you forgive. Even if he is a mindfulness guru now and has donated his kidney to a puppy in need. Don't go back to him. Not ever. You will never be safe with him.