I have strong attachment towards ex who treated me badly

[chocolateaddict231]

Hi everyone,

I hope you're well. The background of the relationship was we met almost six years ago (we are now 35 and 39) and were on and off again for three years. He wasn't ever great to me and had a huge amount of commitment issues (including pushing me to have an abortion) and I got fed up of the pain after three years.

He has now written me emails to apologise, he's been in counselling and has explained how he hates himself for the pain he caused me. He is hoping we can find a way back and I do have a very strong attachment to him but I can't forgive him, I just end up anxious and snapping at him when we try to speak and then I feel guilty. He's now looking to commit and take all those steps but in the past few days I have had to tell him I can't move past this and he was so sad that I have felt guilty and am trying to understand why I have this attachment? Does anyone have any insight into why I feel guilty when I at least tried to forgive him?

He manipulating you. Please don't fall for it.

there are millions of men out there who won't force you to terminate your pg against your will. That should say everything you need to know that he isn't decent and doesn't care about you. He's spinning you a yarn. 🚩 x loads.

Trauma bond?

@chocolateaddict231 - it’s so good to hear that you removed yourself from the relationship because he treated you badly and you’re refusing to return for the same reasons. Well done!

It’s not surprising that your feelings towards him are complex. This is a man you were close to and intimate with and the fondness doesn’t all die just because you realise the man is bad for you.

Just realise that the guilt is NOT a sign that you should take him back. It’s just a sign that you’re a caring person but also a person who values and looks after herself. That’s terrific.