My relationship is sexless from his side

[SharkSip]

My relationship is sexless. It became sexless about 6 months after our engagement. Not because I was a bridezilla because I wasn't. The sexlessness came in from his side. I put it down to us being busy and I didn't think much off it only time passed and it only ever continued.

He has an interest in sex because he can gain erections but he can't ever finish in me. Sex goes on for ever and he takes over.

This leaves me utterly hopeless and inadequate.

We went on holidays last year and it was the first holiday since the pandamic. I thought maybe a week together with little stresses to pull us away would help but I was wrong. Even a week's holiday and there was no sex.

I have given up from my side now because it was always very one sided.

He does loads of little things for me that says he loves me but the bedroom department is a complete failure.

I'm in a place now where I am going to be very busy over the next few more weeks and I really don't want to waste my time sleeping with him anymore. Not only wasting my time, it's too hot to have a partner beside me these nights and I am sleeping better without a duvet whereas he prefers to have a blanket or duvet.

He's looking to book another holiday but the very idea of such a thing fills me with sick. It's an ice idea. Get some time together on holidays but the idea of being smacked in the face with such sexlessness doesn't appeal to me.

Any time I tried to have sex with him, it was always me going on top and he was never able to maintain an erection for vaginal intercourse and he wouod take over and finish himself off.

My sex life is non existence and appalling. He wanted to rush through our engagement but there was something in my mind telling me to slow down.

Now I am dealing with this.
It seems as if maybe he faked an i Teresa in having sex at the start and as soon as he bagged me, it all dried up.

Now because it's been so long between us, I just don't feel like it any more between us.

I can't even remember the last time I even tried. I remember I even gave up before last year's holiday. I was too busy getting drunk drowning my sorrows in alcohol and trying to ease the pain of the sexless relationship.

Along with the sexlessness, there's no joy or fun in the relationship any more. It's so so so stale.

Sounds awful. Please get out of this dead end.

You will thank your future self.

Call it a day. I've been where you are but much older it tore me apart for a time. It was a botched prostate problem so not his fault, and irreversible. It's changed our relationship and not for the better.

Sorry if I missed it but have you had a conversation about this and how does it go?
Secondly have you gone to a sex therapist?
Thirdly has he had afull health check over?
Fourthly why are you both putting so much pressure on having vaginal intercourse as your goal?

The stereotype is that all men are sex obsessed dogs but MN and hearing other women talk has shown there are tons of men who aren't interested in sex, and this should be more well known so women aren't left wondering what they did wrong.

Once upon a time you waited until your wedding night so your knowledge was limited. No matter how bad, how often, you knew no better.

A lady in our village was still a virgin after 20 years of marriage it was only after her husband ran off with another man that the penny dropped.

She did remarry and became a lovely step granny

@SharkSip Have. You. Talked. To. Him.

Jesus… it sounds like you don’t communicate whatsoever in your relationship. Which is just as big a killer of relationships as zero sex.

so he’s doesn’t have zero sex drive.. but there are problems.

maybe talk as a couple about how you are both feeling and you’ll discover he’s really embarrassed about it but thinks you aren’t bothered as you no longer try for a physical connection so instead he’s trying to make sure you know he loves you in other ways.

maybe if he seeks medical attention things will improve.

was your sex life good when you got together? Was he able to maintain an erection? If so it could be a medical issues down to depression, stress, shifts etc etc.

JUST TALK!!

I think this is a porn problem, he can only get a full erection with the hyper stimulation of watching/consuming pornography.

Ugh. Bin him. My ex was like this. We went for therapy after a decade of my dying with frustration and rejection. The therapy was ghastly, and made things even worse if that’s possible and we are now divorced and both much happier. Save yourself and run. Now. Today.

You hardly meet due to work schedules
He puts work before you.
You feel your relationship is stale.
You hate the idea of going on holiday together.
You are not compatible sleepers (one wanting blankets- the other not,)

Sex is just one symptom!

You aren't going to marry him are you?

It will not get better.
If you marry then have kids it will be much harder to leave.
You're incompatible and do not have the correct relationship to enter into marriage
Leave and start afresh.
Hard I know, but important for your future life - which is out there waiting for you

Your friend. No benefits.

This is something that is in my mind too that without a sexual chemistry and connection, it's just that - it's friends..

The last time we had any meaningful sexual connection was back in the summer of 2020.
There were a handful of attempts that I can count on one hand since then.

It just seems like you don't really like each other very much anymore

Your thread popped up , how are things now ?
You sounded so down about it all and I wondered if you've taken any steps , to improve anything ( or even spoken to him about the situation )