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Original poster

Fed up with how our kids are treated since ex remarried !!!

17 replies

waterfountain · 15/06/2023 18:19

It's been an number of years since my husband went off with OW and had two new children. I'm still so utterly gutted for our young adult kids who have been discarded. They are bottom of the barrel as regards any plans etc and get zero treats from their father.
Has anyone else experienced this? As a mother, I just cannot fathom ditching my kids just because something new and shiny came along!
Do men find this easier?

OP posts:
Shopper727 · 15/06/2023 18:24

They must do. My ex did something unspeakable and the new bit of fluff stood by him and reproduced with him, he needs locking up imo. So now he’s got new kids and he thinks his crimes are ‘in the past’ despite rocking our childrens lives and he just doesn’t really care. Clearly the pair of them ex and new thing have no morals, or consciences as they are despicable- I am aware I sound like a crazed ex but honestly their behaviour is disgusting they do not deserve to be happy and I feel sorry for his new kids tbh

Freefall212 · 15/06/2023 18:27

Read the step parenting forum. It is what many step mothers expect of their husbands on there They and their children must be the priority and number one. Many try to find ways to have the step kids come over less and less and feel more and more unwelcome.

bibbityboppityboo · 15/06/2023 18:30

Tough one! By young adult are we talking 20s? At that age (although the dad needs to make an effort!) a lot of the relationship is in their hands too. Younger children take a lot more management than young adults - especially if there's no 50/50 residency because they're adults!

Theunamedcat · 15/06/2023 18:36

Ex left got married had children forgot about his daughter got "very upset" if people mentioned his daughter could cry on command blamed me for "taking her away" (we lived at the same address for 8 years) dodged child support constantly told his new family that he was waiting for her to contact him when she turned 18 and was "no longer under control" she is 23 lives independently and STILL doesn't contact him, him and his wife are baffled that she doesn't want to know her "family" who love and care for her so much 😉 🙄

MaxwellCat · 15/06/2023 18:36

If they are adults then it's normal? My parents don't 'treat' me

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 15/06/2023 18:42

Same here, although mine are late teens. It hurts.
We've had "oh by the way, I'm not picking kids up today as we're on a family holiday" (sent 3 hours after he was meant to pick them up)
"I can't see you today because we're celebrating Ys birthday" (Y is exes,New baby, the day in question was my DSs actual birthday and it was his turn to have him)
Hes never had them for New Year, despite insisting on alternate Christmases, hasn't paid maintenance in 10 years and is generally a waste of space.

baileys6904 · 15/06/2023 19:29

My mum had the affair and a new child with her affair partner. She barely visited me

Original poster
waterfountain · 15/06/2023 19:36

@baileys6904 - I'm so sorry. That's really sad x

OP posts:
ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 15/06/2023 19:41

Yes, we have come to accept after many years that dad moving on to live the “life he had to live” was a blessing in disguise. It is unfair but the lesser the contact the lesser the damage, at end of the day you cannot get him to care more about your children.

quietnightmare · 15/06/2023 19:43

MaxwellCat · 15/06/2023 18:36

If they are adults then it's normal? My parents don't 'treat' me

Same here.

MagicBullet · 15/06/2023 19:52

MaxwellCat · 15/06/2023 18:36

If they are adults then it's normal? My parents don't 'treat' me

Mine do.

Not in a I’ll see you EOW and I’ll treat you with <insert activity etc…>
But treating me to a nice restaurant etc… yes they will.

dh mum does too. In a ‘ive baked a cake/grown tomatoes/prepared some sloe gin’ type of way. I don’t think there is one time when he hasn’t come back with something from seeing her.

Wasley · 15/06/2023 20:01

I got blamed from my half siblings for the fact their dad didn't bother with them . I was kept a secret and when he found out about me being born and my dad living with us all , he stopped paying for them and didn't bother with them , that's what my DM told them . So despite the fact I was a baby it's all my fault and I'm resented for it as my dad was always there and there's wasn't .

namechangenacy · 15/06/2023 20:22

Idk my ex cheated on me after the loss of your son and then married the ow my dd now sm.

He always shown up for my dd, his wife is kindly to my dd. He cheated on me but not my dd. And carrying around all that anger over him cheating is exhausting and honestly the opposite of love isn't hatred it's indifference. And I am indifferent to him and tI don't have any emotional attachment to him so him getting married really mattered very little to me as it didn't effect my dd.

My personal opinion is that when they cheat it's about them and not about me or our joint children. I couldn't be one of those women who's passes my upset over him cheating on to my kids and make them feel like it was a rejection of them. In reality it was about him.

Not us.

Not a popular view but it's how I see it.

Blah23 · 16/06/2023 06:59

namechangenacy · 15/06/2023 20:22

Idk my ex cheated on me after the loss of your son and then married the ow my dd now sm.

He always shown up for my dd, his wife is kindly to my dd. He cheated on me but not my dd. And carrying around all that anger over him cheating is exhausting and honestly the opposite of love isn't hatred it's indifference. And I am indifferent to him and tI don't have any emotional attachment to him so him getting married really mattered very little to me as it didn't effect my dd.

My personal opinion is that when they cheat it's about them and not about me or our joint children. I couldn't be one of those women who's passes my upset over him cheating on to my kids and make them feel like it was a rejection of them. In reality it was about him.

Not us.

Not a popular view but it's how I see it.

But you've just said he was there for your DD. OP is saying her ex didn't bother with his child after leaving her. Big difference!

namechangenacy · 16/06/2023 07:41

@Blah23 she's asking if this is common.

I responded in my case no I don't think it is that common, and for me it wasn't the case.

Being a shitty partner and being a shitty dad aren't symbiotic.

IncomingTraffic · 16/06/2023 07:57

Freefall212 · 15/06/2023 18:27

Read the step parenting forum. It is what many step mothers expect of their husbands on there They and their children must be the priority and number one. Many try to find ways to have the step kids come over less and less and feel more and more unwelcome.

That’s not even a fair summary of the stepparenting forum, and perpetuates the standard blame the woman crap.

The common denominator between threads from exWs whose children’s father is failing them and SMs whose husband expect her to be their unpaid nanny/housekeeper with benefits is… selfish men who aren’t pulling their weight and let their children down.

This OP’s ex is entirely to blame if his children feel sidelined. He’s failing to maintain proper relationships with his young adult children.

giggly · 16/06/2023 08:02

MaxwellCat · 15/06/2023 18:36

If they are adults then it's normal? My parents don't 'treat' me

Your parents don’t treat you with love and affection, time and interest in your life?
Think you are missing the point entirely.

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