Strained parenting relations

[Jilly678]

Growing up lots of alcohol and drug activity in the family home. Punishment involved being kicked by mother and attacked by grabbing hair. Odd relationship with mother. Never knew my father - literally his name has never been uttered by my mother and she has not once in my 48 years of life explained to me who is was/is etc. I have never felt comfortable asking. Not sure why.
Just wondering how other people who have grown up this way put the past behind them? Also, will I ever be a good mother with this as my parenting example? I am constantly questioning that.

I think us people who experienced very bad parenting either repeat it or strive to do much better. I know I’ve taken lessons from my experiences that have helped me be a better parent and I know when I’ve fallen short I’ve noticed quicker and understood the perspective of my child. I think use your experience to make your parenting better.

im not sure if you can’t put the past behind you. I’ll be following with interest. For me my acceptance of the past comes and goes. Sometimes I take a “it is what it is” approach and other times I feel very angry. I’m aiming to just accept it is as it is though and to accept my parents are who they are…and nothing will ever change them into being what I hoped they would be.

Thanks Weal. Yes, you’re right, you either repeat it or agonise over every decision in the fear that you are never going to be good enough.

oh yea I certainly get the agonising element. I think it’s easy to give yourself a hard time if you’ve fallen slightly short of perfect parenting.

I don’t think I fully reflected on my own experience of being parented until I had my own children. I think being a parent also can trigger some things from your own past. Eg for me it’s noise. My house was very loud and shouty when I was a child and I really struggle to manage shouting and loudness from the children.