Is it possible to find love and have a partner if you can’t have sex?

[TumbleweedRolling]

Please,please, be kind.
I know this a sensitive topic (it is to me too) and few times I have carefully tried to talk about this in real life, it just goes so horrible wrong and I get called names and told get used to dying alone.

So, I’m in my late 30’s and it has become painfully clear that I may not ever expierence love and it is just breaking me!
I promise, I’m not always this much of a sad, I’m just venting and getting out all the sadness and shame I have.

But I am scared I’ll end up alone, I’m an only child, very small family, I don’t have any close, strong friendships, they all kind of fall away when they got partners/kids and didn’t have time/interest in me anymore.

I feel so worthless, unlovable, ugly and it’s just seems like I’m being punished with having to watch everyone else move with their lives and getting what I also want, except I’m never good enough.

Few years ago this topic/loneliness pushed me to be pretty suicidal, I saw a counselor, it helped a bit, I talked to them as much as I could about this - I wasn’t 100% honest, because I was too shamed to admit I’ve never been in a relationship and that I can’t have sex, so I was bit vague. He was very much ”you’ll never know what will happen, anyone can meet anyone at anytime” line of thinking, so not very helpfull in a long run, but it was good to be able to talk at least a bit.
But it wore out, and I’m back feeling awful.
And so lonely, I don’t understand why it had to be me? Why do I have to be like this?

Thank you if you read all of this.
Sorry for any errors, English is not my native language.

Why can't you have sex? Is it a physical issue?

There are some people who are asexual, but the are pretty rare. Can you give a bit of background on why you can't have sex? Is it any type of sexual activity that's off the table or just PIV intercourse?

It’s pretty much all of it.
I don’t really ’think that way’.
I have a lot of sensory issues, I don’t like to be touched.
I’m kind of repulsed by it.
And even if I would somehow push through these things, sorry for tmi, I’ve never been able to get anything in their, I haven’t been to a doctor about it, but that would be an issue.

I wouldn’t say it was impossible; it might be more difficult for you and you might have to come up with ways to meet people that will suit you better. There may be dating sites for asexual persons (I’m not saying you are, but you might find someone more like-minded in such a place). I’m sure there is plenty of men out there who are unable to have sex themselves due to lack of desire or who have medical issues such as ED who are looking for someone to love and to love them back.

I think you should have a gynecological exam to look into that aspect of it.

The sensory aspects of it may be more challenging. Even for men who don't want or can't have sex, touching is a basic need for many, even if it's just a quick cuddle or hug.

Very similar situation to what I have experienced in the past. I had painful gynaecological problem (now better) and I was completely off sex for a long time, people would constantly ask me why I was single as though they were talking about the weather, and I couldn’t answer them because the reason was so personal, I started to dread socialising because of peoples comments and questions and pressure to find a man, I used to try and keep the conversation light and move on from the subject as quickly as possible and then worry what people would think because I was in my 30s and never seemed to be in a relationship. I’m not asexual, but I did go through a long while of being completely not wanting sex, especially penetrative, so I can relate. I’m sure you can still find love.

Find someone with the same sensory issues, its not uncommon in autistic circles.

Have you got vaginismus? If you google it you can get tips. I have it and I definitely couldn't have casual sex, it has to be someone I get to know and is patient with working out what works. But when it works, it's fab. I hope things work out for you

My guess based on the very little you've said would be that you're autistic and asexual. Meet other people like you and there's no reason why you shouldn't have a relationship.
Have a look for dating sites for people who are asexual, I'm sure it can't be that uncommon. I don't find anything unusual about it or to be ashamed about it at all. DS who is autistic also doesn't like to be touched and it wouldn't surprise me if he were asexual too.

Thank you so much for your comment!
Everything about socializing with people resonated with me.
It’s awful, how these kind of comments can make you feel, I have had times where I just didn’t go, because I didn’t have the strength to deal with it all.

Glad to hear it got better for you.

I get called names and told get used to dying alone

Whoever told you these vile things, doesn’t deserve to be in your life. Some people get very angry when women don’t conform.

Could you look for some asexual groups and see if any of it resonates with you? I’d also suggest the doctors, not for any gynae stuff, because it doesn’t sound to me like you’re concerned about not having sex and that’s 100% your choice, but to maybe see if you can get an autism assessment. Id also look into therapy, find someone you really like and be as candid as possible, it’s the only way therapy works.

Im not going to lie to you, I think wanting no physical contact does mean it will be hard to find a relationship, but it’s not impossible by any means. Please don’t let judgmental, rude dickheads make you feel that you’ll never be happy, you can be, relationships are really not the be all and end all anyway, there’s so much more to life.