Advice or opinions needed please

[K18]

Hi all
I am in a bit of a dilemma I’m going through a toxic separation and recently was contacted by an old flame, turns out his going through a divorce (we both have children) we met up and started seeing each other, he was very keen and communicated constantly wanting to see me every available minute.
The last couple of weeks he communicates much less, still arranges to see me but only once a week at most and rarely answers any questions about himself. It’s making me feel anxious and distracted as I have so much sorting out to do in my own life I feel like I should just stop seeing him but I do really enjoy his company and did get the feeling he cared for me.
I do have a history of abusive partners and I am concerned this is just another love bomb scenario. Any thoughts welcome

He's probably got back with his Ex but doesn't want to give you up yet.

That did cross my mind but he has always been adamant that would never happen, plus he still does not live with her at least not last time I saw him

Could he be seeing other people? How far away does he live? What’s his situation with minding his kids and stuff? are his working hours crazy? Maybe he’s feeling like he’s got a lot of sorting out to do. Failing that, maybe there’s something still there with his wife. I know he said he isn’t thinking that will happen but you never know…
From what you’ve said it does seem as though he’s lost interest. You need to decide how much effort this is worth. Are you happy to see him once a week or would you rather something more involved? What exactly are you looking for now? If it’s making you feel anxious then maybe it would be better to treat it as an occasional thing, or cut it off totally.0

Yeah he probably got back with the ex, but also want to say maybe he is just looking for a supply, someone who is readily available. He may not even have started the separation process but uses this with potential supply, specially those who may be in a vulnerable place. That is my pessimistic view.

Thanks for your responses so far ❤️
I do know he does not live with his ex and I have seen the divorce application (he did show me)
It’s an odd one because I’m struggling to work him out and I think as I am so vulnerable at the moment it feels a stressful. I guess I should just ask him really as he is still arranging to meet but he knows if he was back with his ex I’d be out immediately. I did date him years ago and he was never a player type more shy If anything

You don’t say how long you have been seeing each other but you do say he only got in touch with you recently. In any case, it sounds like his interest has waned. It’s generally a bad sign when you’re struggling to work out a BF or GF. (Been there, bought the t-shirt!). In my experience, whenever I haven’t been able to tell whether a BF is really interested, it’s been because he wasn’t really interested.

Thanks for your message. 100% agree the fact I’m writing this probably says it all. We have been seeing each other very regularly for 4 months known each other 12 years on and off, message everyday (even now)
it’s just amazing how someone goes from being so full on tells his family about me etc one minute to a total shift in attitude.
i start to wonder if it’s me as I never initiate contact and he asked me if I was ok because he thought I was being off, am I projecting? I don’t know I start to overanalyse and seem to have quite an unhealthy attachment style.

It's not you. It's him.

When someone is really ott from the beginning they're likely to cool off just as quickly.

It's like they're an emotional vampire. Getting as much from you as they can and then they tend to move on very quickly.

I'd back off and either fade from view or just take things a lot more slowly.

Someone going hot & cold is not good. If i were you I'd be very wary, and pull back

Thank you ❤️
so he’s back out of the wood work and I addressed it in a kind of jokey way, he said he had the kids most and was stressed with work but ultimately no one is that busy!
I have dated narcissists in the past and I really would be shocked if he turns out to be the same but I’m a bad judge 🫠
I am backing away and will definitely not be the instigator to meet or chat, I’ve been asked out on a date by someone else so perhaps I should just start spreading my net as we are not exclusively together anyway

Getting involved with someone who is straight out of another relationship is NEVER a good idea. Not because they're likely to get back together with their ex, but because their heads are all over the place and they have no idea what they want

Definitely definitely definitely date other people.

Go on your new date and enjoy yourself!! :)