I’ve been having a few issues in my relationship that have increasingly made me upset and depressed, more so that my partner isn’t doing anything to fix said issues and I’m 6 months pregnant.
I love him and we do have fantastic times and memories, but there are some big dealbreakers that I find hard to overlook.
We never have sex - he pretends to be interested then fake snores when I come to bed to get out of it, he doesn’t seem to have a libido at all and while we are well stocked on viagra he’s loathe to use it. He doesn’t masturbate. We last had sex 4 months ago. He knows my sex drive has increased hugely due to the pregnancy but he doesn’t care. He’s seen a doctor twice at my insistence and everything was fine. He feels like a roommate not a romantic partner.
We never spend time together which will only get worse with a new baby. He suggests things we can do but then has other plans that day which usually involve helping his parents with diy. He then suggests nice things he can do for me such as cook me a meal or go for a child free walk but I’m still waiting for those to happen. If I bring it up I can now tell he didn’t mean to actually do it and just wanted to get out of an argument by suggesting it.
He doesn’t contribute much money to the household even as the main earner he rarely has spare money. I do all his washing and cooking at my own expense. He rarely seems grateful either. I’m essentially a replacement mother to him as of recently. I don’t have the heart to refuse I just couldn’t do it so I crack on quietly.
His family are exhausting, they are constantly interfering and slagging me off and yet he doesn’t stick up for me. I’m worried if we split up and I have to hand over the baby that they may poison him/her against me when they’re older. I thought they were good people but since my pregnancy they seem to feel they have free reign to my lifestyle and decisions, right down to silly things like telling me not to buy a breast pump because they didn’t exist ‘back in their day’ and I’m missing out on food by spending money on baby things. They think I’m moody and negative yet have no idea their son is the cause because he can do no wrong.
I know I’ve painted him out to be a complete wet lettuce and useless partner, but I wanted to get my honest opinions and feelings out to see things clearly and get the right advice rather than sugarcoat how he makes me feel. He is a lovely person, I know he loves me in his own way and does little things to show it, but we do have different love languages which doesn’t help. He is also autistic which may contribute to some of his behaviours, but I’m at the end of the rope now where I need instant actions before the baby arrives and I’m just not getting them. I don’t want to end our family over these issues but I need to make ultimatums and ensure he actually works on them. If he doesn’t of course I can’t live like this for the rest of my days, but I at least want to try.
So can any of you lovely people please help me word these feelings in the correct way so we can have a reasonable discussion without arguments? I’m awful at expressing myself and tend to close up so I want to be fully prepared and show him I’m serious about a make or break.