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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did you tell them?

3 replies

Bluesparrow71 · 14/06/2023 17:27

So I've recently split from my LTR of 10 years, I've been unhappy for some time and I've tried talking to him about our issues many times. Big one is intimacy, he wanted it I didn't, among others ranging from being negative about everything, not bothering round the house, and generally just being a passenger in his own life and leaving me to drive. I just wanted more and have for some time. No kids BtW.

Anyway 4 months ago I started to engage in an EA with someone at work, not sugar coating it I knew what I was doing, and thats when I really started to feel the issues in my relationship and feel terribly unhappy with DP. I told DP I wasn't in love with him, I wasn't happy any longer and wanted out. I'm not 100% sure if the OM was just the push to the inevitable or if I actually want someone else.

Now 2 months later ex is still devastated and can't understand what went wrong, he's going to my family members and crying and saying he doesn't know what he did wrong and what he should do to fix it. I don't want to go back to him, I want to move on, but question is should I tell him there was someone else just to give him some closure? Will it help him move on or will it just hurt him more?

OP posts:
Stratocumulus · 14/06/2023 17:33

No! Just no.
The EA was just the push you clearly needed. Do not heap any guilt you are feeling or concern for family members onto your ex. There’s no point. He’ll get over it in time. Don’t dump on him now and make matters worse for him. That’s cruel just because you want to shut him up.

Sapphire387 · 14/06/2023 17:46

No, I wouldn't tell him. You have broken up, it's over. Time for you both to move on, no need to go over the reasons why.

Bluesparrow71 · 14/06/2023 17:52

Stratocumulus · 14/06/2023 17:33

No! Just no.
The EA was just the push you clearly needed. Do not heap any guilt you are feeling or concern for family members onto your ex. There’s no point. He’ll get over it in time. Don’t dump on him now and make matters worse for him. That’s cruel just because you want to shut him up.

Thank you. I don't necessarily want him to shut up or put my guilt somewhere, he just seems so desperate for a solid reason why I left and I wanted another view on it

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