Hi I’m a SAHM and a carer to our two oldest child.
we have 4 kids living with us two autistic older ones both studying of which one is having daily therapy for mental health. So seriously unwell and needs me to take them to appointments. Not just therapy.
Each day I drive for nearly 2 hours non stop to drop then for therapy return to collect 2 younger children from school and back again to collect eldest from therapy. Some days I’m in and out with appointments as the other eldest child is much the same needing help but is more independent.
im tired to say the least. Sometimes in bed by 11.30 and up at 6.30 to start again.
my husband works a physical job and is tired when he gets home. He is a bit better helping with homework or sometimes a bath for kids but generally he sits down after work while I cook, get washing done, dishwasher etc etc etc.
he will be cross if I or the other children ask him to help and excuses himself on grounds he is tired. I have asked him what he would do if he lived in his own. He would have to cooks his own meals, tidy up and wash his clothes. He ignores this or gets cross.
I am a SAHM, yes. But I’m a carer too.
I get carers allowance, PIP for me as I’m chronically ill. I received child benefit. This goes on running my car, clothes, childcare, school meals, water rates, skybtv, mobile phones, and a few other bills.
my husband gives me money each week for food. That’s it.
he moans he is spending more than he is earning but buys designer clothes and tattoos alcohol, weed and tabaco.
im getting into debt I cannot make ends meets and if I ask for money he delays giving it to me, food money. Or avoids paying for other things. Sometimes he’s very good though but I hate to ask as it’s awkward when I do.
I do not know what he earns he is self employed. I do not know his savings. His money is his.
I helped us save by claiming tax credits but we no longer qualified as his wages are too good.. During this time he didn’t pay many bills I covered them so he could save towards buying a home. These savings are being spent by him. He still wants to buy but I have no involvement.
I just don’t know what to think, this is after 25 years together.