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Original poster

Being the other woman

20 replies

defi · 14/06/2023 09:33

I stumbled across a forum on Reddit aptly called "theotherwoman" its just full of cliches. Guys that disappear for periods of time, cancel plans, we don't sleep together anymore ext. From the outside looking in, it just seems pathetic to me, that someone would accept that as their place in life. There are people on there that have been waiting years. Why would anyone want that for themselves? Whenever someone married or in a relationship has tried to cross a boundary with me, I've just lost all respect for them.

OP posts:
Rainydays777 · 14/06/2023 10:06

It’s also ‘pathetic’ when women stay with cheaters. The wives of these men are also doing themselves a disservice.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/06/2023 10:08

Have you told them that on Reddit? How did you stumble on it?

ArcticSkewer · 14/06/2023 10:10

How do you stumble across this site?

NCMum79 · 14/06/2023 10:13

Some women i've known either actively wanted a married man or seemed inextricably drawn to them. I've theorised in my own head why that might be....The best I can come up with is they want the romance/sex but none of the actual living together etc? Addicted to the highs and lows? I did once read an article that women in a study found men more attractive if they were also told he had a partner...maybe tried and tested? Something to do with availability and competition?

Original poster
defi · 14/06/2023 10:15

I'm signed off work and have time to kill. Was just browsing Reddit forums and someone referenced the sub. I fell down a rabbit hole of morbid curiosity.

OP posts:
Original poster
defi · 14/06/2023 10:16

Ye the highs and lows makes sense. Sat around waiting for a crumb of attention and when they get it, must be quite the dopamine rush.

OP posts:
Original poster
defi · 14/06/2023 10:16

No I've not commented, it's a safe space them if I said what I said in this post I'd be swiftly blocked

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ArcticSkewer · 14/06/2023 10:16

Just took a look

R/adultery is much less pathetic

R/dead bedrooms is profoundly depressing ... much worse than that one.

Enjoy your time off

BreviloquentBastard · 14/06/2023 10:19

I just feel sorry for them. Falling for every line in the book, it's sad. I feel sorry for them and I feel sorry for the wives/girlfriends. So many women accept so much shit from men. It's just sad.

ArcticSkewer · 14/06/2023 10:21

BreviloquentBastard · 14/06/2023 10:19

I just feel sorry for them. Falling for every line in the book, it's sad. I feel sorry for them and I feel sorry for the wives/girlfriends. So many women accept so much shit from men. It's just sad.

A ton of the posts I just read were single men with married women

ThatFraggle · 14/06/2023 10:22

r/cakeeaters for cheaters who are proud of what they are getting away with...

ThatFraggle · 14/06/2023 10:24

Rainydays777 · 14/06/2023 10:06

It’s also ‘pathetic’ when women stay with cheaters. The wives of these men are also doing themselves a disservice.

Lovely victim blaming. Someone with poor education, 3 kids is supposed to just pack up the day she finds out?

Many women are 'getting their ducks in a row' and that doesn't happen overnight.

Original poster
defi · 14/06/2023 10:28

r/cakeeaters for cheaters who are proud of what they are getting away with...

^ eurgh worst genre of people

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MyTruthIsOut · 14/06/2023 10:30

I was the “other woman” (when I was much younger) for about 7-8 months. This was about 16 years ago and I still don’t really understand why I did it.

I completely compartmentalised the fact he was married and we never spoke of his wife at all. It was almost like she didn’t exist. Our affair certainly wasn’t about me having some kind of rush that a married man wanted me, because the marriage was never acknowledged, it was just never spoken about and dating him felt no different to dating any other single guy I had dated. It was a really strange experience.

When she found out about us she did leave him so at least she had the courage to do that.

Rainydays777 · 14/06/2023 10:34

ThatFraggle · 14/06/2023 10:24

Lovely victim blaming. Someone with poor education, 3 kids is supposed to just pack up the day she finds out?

Many women are 'getting their ducks in a row' and that doesn't happen overnight.

Show quote history

I’m not talking about women who are planning to leave. I just don’t agree with the narrative that the OW are somehow inherently evil, pathetic, etc sometimes they don’t even know, and if they stay with the married man it’s probably due to low self esteem, same as why married women stay with cheaters and never leave.

the real villains are the men that cheat. Yet so often the negative attention is directed towards the woman.

ThatFraggle · 14/06/2023 10:38

>at least she had the courage to do that.

I know women in bad marriages. E.g. one who could leave and move city to where her mum is, so her mum could watch the young kids while she goes to work. (Paying for the three of them would leave her paying nursery/childminder more than her salary.) Also the area is known for drugs/knife crime, whereas now they're in a sleepy town.

She's waiting for the youngest to be in school full time, and in the meantime she is working on her diploma, so she can afford a 3 bed flat on her own. Is she not brave, because she's not let on she knows?

MyTruthIsOut · 14/06/2023 10:44

ThatFraggle · 14/06/2023 10:38

>at least she had the courage to do that.

I know women in bad marriages. E.g. one who could leave and move city to where her mum is, so her mum could watch the young kids while she goes to work. (Paying for the three of them would leave her paying nursery/childminder more than her salary.) Also the area is known for drugs/knife crime, whereas now they're in a sleepy town.

She's waiting for the youngest to be in school full time, and in the meantime she is working on her diploma, so she can afford a 3 bed flat on her own. Is she not brave, because she's not let on she knows?

Of course she’s not, of course she’s being brave.

Leaving a cheating husband is brave regardless of how it happens. It could be that the woman immediately walks out, or it could be a departure that is planned over many weeks or months.

Depending on the woman’s circumstances it makes perfect sense that they will choose the path that is the most viable for them, but no one way is “braver” than another way.

In your friend’s situation I would do exactly the same.

BreviloquentBastard · 14/06/2023 11:47

ArcticSkewer · 14/06/2023 10:21

A ton of the posts I just read were single men with married women

Show quote history

I feel sorry for them too. Just as tragic.

ScottishBetty · 14/06/2023 12:04

Gawd I know a woman (she was my old supervisor) who waited about 10 years for a guy to leave his wife. She was mid 30’s when it started and wanted kids, but just kept holding out for him. She was (is still, I presume!) funny, smart, good looking, and at the top of her game, professionally. I never met the guy but I’d eat my hat if he was worth the pain.

Original poster
defi · 14/06/2023 13:26

That's a sad read Scottishbetty

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