Has anyone got a success story from bumpy beginnings?

[fica]

Both DP and I are in our mid 20s. He's a bit older. We live together.
We both admit that we didn't have the best start to our relationship.

We met about 5 years ago. Both in a relationship at the time. Then after those finished, we became FwB for a year. Got together 3 years ago. Were together 6 months then out of the blue he dumped me. We then got back together 2 months after that, and since then things have been as you would expect. Very much in love and committed to each other.

He was previously dealing with dying parents and in a bad place due to his dad's alcohol abuse when growing up. Has since had counselling and he is in a good place. But there is always something in the back of my mind that says 'are you sure'.

But I want to hear if people have had successful and long term relationships after a bumpy start. I'm at the point where it feels like I've got to be certain that this is the man I want to marry. He has mentioned it a few times but I don't think I'm ready to commit to that yet due to the bumpy beginnings. Can it work or is it always doomed to fail?

Your boyfriend was bereaved and dealing with his parents dying. That puts pressure on even very strong and mature relationships, let alone those of very young people in the early stages of theirs. He’s since had counselling and you feel he’s in a better place. That points to a greater likelihood of success than if he hadn’t.

Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. And relationships break down regardless of how they started and whether it was perfect or wasn’t. There are never any assurances. You’re both still young and met when you were what, 19/20? It’s not unusual for very young couples to have bumpy starts, you’re still growing up and maturing and learning what a relationship actually looks like and that life isn’t always Instagram.

And look - if you’re in your mid twenties with no plans to have children in the near term, you don’t need to decide on marriage yet. It’s fine to want to go through a few more life milestones to see how each of you take them and whether you’re truly compatible before committing.

DH and I had a very rocky start. Mid twenties, both fairly recently out of relationships that were damaging to us. We both carried some unhealthy behaviours with us and the beginning of our relationship was a car crash - lots of arguing, breaking up, getting back together etc.

After about a year it all sort of fell into place - but we did have to work at it. We've now been together 12 years, married for 6, have one child and another on the way. Very, very happy.

We worked really hard and we both matured. If there are factors (such as bereavement in your case) that would put pressure on anyone, that can make things difficult for new pairings. But, if there's love there, it's worth the work. Good luck to you x

Agree with pp, just take your time. William and Kate broke up didn't they, for a period while they were dating

I think the type of bumps are key.

Abusive behaviour
Cheating
Lying
stinginess

I’d run a mile.

But what you describe might just be some uncertainty of youth and work out fine.

My DH and I had a few bumps in that he told me he only liked me as a friend. I moved on but he contacted me, told me he’d made a big mistake, we started dating. Very happy 18 years later.