Can't handle this situation anymore...my own fault (long)

[PandaPoops]

I have namechanged although I don't post very often but have been around a couple of years.

Just told my father to "Mind your own f**king business!" after he told me to go and spend some time with my son. Now sobbing in my room and I can't go downstairs because Dad will see he's got to me.

We row about everything and anything. Anything he knows will wind me up. Last night it was over watching the tv for god's sake. He ALWAYS starts talking about something totally random when I'm watching one of the very few programmes I follow. He is however absolutely convinced that it is everyone else who talks through programmes. Stupid pathetic example that but I am having problems putting into words the way this man works. I keep biting my lip until the 10th time he's done something that week and then I blow and of course then it's me in the wrong. I read a thread about passive-aggressive people recently. It pretty much summed my Dad up.

Back to the point, sorry I know I have a tendency to ramble on. DH, DS and I are living at my parents' house at the moment. We moved in in November. The first day I realised that I had made a huge mistake. I knew before then really but it was too late by then. I stupidly thought there was a chance of things being OK as DH was going to be with me. I have always had a difficult relationship with my dad but thought DH would act as a buffer. Instead my relationship with DH is also going down the pan. I have near enough handed over full-time care of DS to DH. He was made redundant last year soon after becoming bankrupt. I thought it would help him to have DS to focus on. I have been a SAHM, not totally out of choice, for the first 15months of DS's life so in exchange I've had a bit more 'me' time.

We moved back to my home town but then found we couldn't get anywhere to rent due to the bankruptcy and lack of job. DH had worked in the same job for 20 years so it's been a huge shock to him. He hasn't even been allowed to keep his £5,000 redundancy because it had to go towards his bankruptcy. I was temping when I got pregnant with DS so had no job to return to. I have been treated for depression for years. I am also cr*p at interviews both of which have limited my job options.

I now really feel at the end of my tether. I know DS is having a lovely time with DH. I also know I should want to spend more time with him. However I think he is better not seeing me rowing with his dad and grandad all the time.

Don't know where to start to sort the mess of our lives out. There are so many more factors I could go into but I'm just so tired. I am so tempted to just leave with DS. At least we'd have more chance of getting housing even if it would be a hostel.

you need to get jobs and rent a place clearly.

and "i'm a bi ants at inrviews becuase of my depression" is a reall shity excuse. et ourself dow tojob centre and ask them how they can help you- becuase i am sure that they can.

ther are lots of job search engines

and it has been statisticaly proven that it s easier going from employment to employment.

you cant both be mosying arounf your parents house and not expect them to make comments about they way you do things. - its their house.

so get to job centre and get to tesco, sainsbury's or similar and getworking on stacking sheles - ou will meet collequus, learn about the work envorinment , gain some confidence and self esteem and be away from under the feet of your parents - you will also no doubt be able to benefitfrom ny free traiing courses that any employer can offer - such as 'good customer service' or 'communication sills' etc.

Oh and having read that back I realise I will come across as a stupid teenage mum. Well, I'm not. I am far far too old to have got myself in this position. I also waited a long time for DS and I want to really enjoy him.

make your mind up

stop whinging then.

you want to spend time with your ds
then do so
but dont come here whinging that you cant get a job
your dh cant get a job
your dh can now look after yuor ds - so hat you canget more "me time"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean ffs - your parents are very fucking patient

you both need to get a job. NOW

You wouldn't get housing because you'd have made yourself deliberately homeless - you have a home with your parents. The best you can do is apply and wait til a place comes and hope you get a lot of points.

The more interviews you do, the better you will become; what line of work are you looking for?

What sort of work does/could your DH do?

Are you getting help with your depression? If not, I suggest you do because this situation is stressful and likely to perpetuate the depression until you get sorted

Thank you for replying Custardo. Of course I know that at least one of us needs to get a job so we can rent somewhere! I was posting this here because I was so upset with the constant rows with my dad. I've been bottling everything up which just makes it so much worse when I do react to my dad's goading. I think today it hurt more because I felt so guilty about needing my own space and shutting myself away. We really are not under parents feet at all. Today was the first day this week we had spent at home. DH took DS to the park, my parents went out for lunch and I was getting on with my hobby (which I am hoping to turn into an income one day). I think if I had been working a shift at Tesco instead, no-one would think badly. If I could get a job earning enough to keep us all, I would. At the moment though, DH has a much better chance than I do. He is working on it. He signed up for an IT course yesterday and has a few job applications in.

I have spent years working in crappy retail jobs. The only way I would return to that is if I could supplement DH's income and still be able to look after DS ourselves.

X posts. If I'd read your response Custardo my reply would have been quite different.

LewisFan, thank you. I came off the ADs a few months ago but I now know I'm going to have to go back on them.

DH is a motorcycle mechanic. He was very good at his job but the only way he can continue is if he set up on his own (can't afford to) or relocate. My mum put pressure on us to move back and we are also living nearer to elderly MIL now too so relocation would be difficult. DH needs to retrain but after so long in the same job he doesn't know what.

I was quite happy temping but that's not possible now. I would love to retrain as a librarian and I could finally put my degree to good use. Not sure of my chances though as I'm 40+ now.

pandapoops, it's too late for me to reply so will return when I can think of something sensible to say. Don't be too hard on yourself. Sounds like you're stuck, have had to make tough decisions (perhaps some you regret ie moving back with parents) but they are all stepping stones to get you all back on track.

Custardos right (tho' very harsh!) that you should get a job, even if its while dh gets himself together. Lots of people are shit at interviews, esp brainy types. Anyway I'm bibbling now so off to bed. x