Silent treatment

[Wherearethebetterdays]

Posted before about this (before name change) but really struggling today. Going through a divorce. Still in the same house waiting for final hearing on finances.

I’m barely coping at home where he has ignored me for a year. Won’t even talk to me or look at me even in front of our primary age children.

I filed for divorce because of his stonewalling/silent treatment/being blamed/being told I was an abuser etc, so I guess it’s understandable that he’s mad at me for giving up, but I never thought it would end up like this.

I desperately want to settle because it is unbearable being in the same house but my solicitor is advising not to because he is asking for so much it is outrageous.

I’ve asked what I need to do for him to speak to me, offered to go to counselling, but had no response.

I feel so tired and broken. I look around and I don’t see anyone else being treated like this so I wonder if I must deserve it.

Not really sure what the point of this post is but I needed to say this somewhere.

You don't deserve it OP.

Silent treatment and stonewalling you, which you said was going on prior to the divorce, is emotionally abusive. For him to do it around the children too is just pathetic. You've made the right choice.

I'm sure there were also other factors that led you to make that decision.

Good on you for being the bigger person, it must have been extremely difficult to stay in the house.

It hope the end is in sight for you and hopefully you have something lined up or a plan for leaving?

I think his behaviour is underlining exactly why you need to divorce him. Hang on in there, this too will pass, OP.

Stop trying to get him to speak to you - he loves it and it will make him punish you with silence more.

Just start ignoring him right back. Blank him, act as if he isn't there and get on with your life and your divorce. Show him you don't give a shit. It's the only way with people like this.

Thank you. This is all good advice. I just feel like I’m cracking up.

Agree with PP, stop trying to get him to talk to you. People engage in giving the silent treatment to deliberately upset you, it makes them feel like they can control your emotions. Your upset is his reward so stop rewarding him.

I'm not sure I would reciprocate the behaviour but I would keep communication to a minimum. If you need to speak to him then do so and if he ignores you then shrug and accept it. By attempting necessary communication you are not lowering yourself to his level but you will feel far less upset if you accept his silence as a him problem rather than a you problem.

My ex use to give me the silent treatment for weeks on end, I managed to turn the tables by being really breezy about necessary communication and remaining unruffled when he ignored me, I'd just behave as if I'd never spoken and go about my day. He became visibly upset and frustrated when I didn't become upset.

You don't deserve it, he's using it to try to control you, refuse to give him that power.

I saw a parse on social media yesterday how you will find out who someone is when you put down boundaries or say no to someone. He clearly has been showing you who he is for the past year, and prior to that, and doing this in front of the children is spineless.

He is abusing you emotionally, he is the ass and you do not deserve that.

I would go grey rock on him. I am sorry you are going through this.

Call your local woman´s aid, they have advise and resources.

To keep your sanity, just come in here and chat, or speak to a friend you can trust. There are so many of us who have gone through this and there is great support here too.

Start enjoying the peace op. Have the radio on. Wear headphones if the dc aren't home.

Of course it's not you. He is punishing you and doing his best to ensure that you are so exhausted and tired that you will give in to his demands as part of the financial settlement.

Ignore with PP. Just ignore him. From now on, assume he's not going to be talking to you so don't even try. Get on with things. I hope you're not still trying to share cooking/washing etc - just do your thing and treat him like a particularly unfriendly housemate. Play music, watch tv, go to your room to avoid him etc etc.

It's just more abuse of you and the children.

Stop making any effort at all.

Get your money and get out.

But stop engaging with him.

He loves it.

Get EVERY PENNY you can for your children.