Feeling lonely and trapped, want to escape routine but don't know how

[aimlesswanderer]

Its been 4 years since my last relationship, and I really loved her but the loss of the children pushed us apart as we were grieving our own ways. She has totally blocked me and I still have some hope that I might see her again, but I know this is not going to happen. Since lock down, I have become much more reclusive , I don't go out much, my life is just routine, home, work, work home, I try and go for a walk but it doesn't really help. I feel that if I don't change then I will be doing the same thing for the next 60 years. I have ADHD and autism, and I struggle to meet anyone new as I don't know how. It is now getting me down and sometimes I just think it would be better if I wasn't here but I am just to chicken to actually go ahead with it. I read about women in relationships, how do they get together, I really cant figure it out because I am to stupid and dumb to work out people which is why my last relationship failed.
I dont have any dating apps like tindr as I am too scared to go on them. I really dont know what to do. I know change has to come from within. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I’m so sorry about the loss of you DC and I’m sorry you are feeling so low.

There have been a few posts on the impact of lockdown similar to how you are feeling.

There are community groups for meeting people, so there is hope and there is also therapy as an option.

Take is slowly and focus on one day at a day, sounds twee maybe but you seem a stuck in a negative mindset which isn’t always easy to break free from if you hyper focus on the sad parts, so one step at a time. Healing is a process.

Posted too soon, grief can be debilitating and turn into complex grief - if that’s what you are feeling, so speaking to a a therapist who specialises in this area may be of benefit in supporting you through this.