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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unreasonable behaviour

17 replies

Samantha41 · 12/06/2023 22:00

Im self employed, have 3 children work 6 days a week sometimes 7 and work between 34-40 hours a week.
Husband works long hours, does little to nothing in the house.
I do the food shop cooking, housework and 90 percent child care.
I feel really upset and annoyed atm.
I went to buy some badly needed running trainers today, got them on sale and bought my eldest a football strip that was half price as a well done présent for getting into his school of choice. Anyway husband was really annoyed I’d bought myself the trainers and the football strip. Our finances are kept separate. He earns a lot more than me.
He started banging on about how he can’t afford to buy new trainers. I work hard and barely get myself anything.
He then had a go at me at dinner, I’m so embarrassed the boys were there and I’m sure the neighbours heard. He told me out of the blue that I could go off with a certain man that we know! That I could go and sleep in his bed then he told the boys they were going to have a New dad!!!!!! I’m faithful always have been so I have no idea why he would be so cruel in font of my boys.
He then starts going on about something and I told him he was behaving like a baby he told me to shut the f up.
when I was very sick a few weeks ago he covered the food shop for 2 weeks which I would normally pay for he’s demanding the money back for it. When I reminded him that he took 2,700 pounds my mother gifted to me he replied well you weren’t working. ( I was a sahm joint decision)!
i went out for a good run got home and sat outside my eldest who is 16 came to say goodnight and said maybe you should sleep downstairs as is dad is angry with you. I went fo a shower and went in to bed he’s watching tv sand he says you’re coming here to piss me off. I replied he was being agressive and I wanted to sleep. He told me to be quiet he didn’t want to talk to me and I’ve come downstairs to chill. So sorry for the long post thanks for reading feels good to get it off my chest!

OP posts:
Onthemaintrunkline · 12/06/2023 22:04

Hi, has he always been like this? He sounds utterly vile.

Samantha41 · 12/06/2023 22:05

It swings around in circles he can be so lovely and charming

OP posts:
Onthemaintrunkline · 12/06/2023 22:08

when he’s in ‘charming’ mode, are you on pins waiting for, expecting more of what you’ve written above?

CaloundraBlues · 12/06/2023 22:08

You've made so many threads about this man, you've been given lots of advice that he's abusive, a bully etc but nothing changes. What's it going to take for you to leave?

Wolfiefan · 12/06/2023 22:08

Abusers can be charming. Sounds like financial abuse. Plus verbal abuse. You would feel better if you didn’t have to live with this.

Azandme · 12/06/2023 22:15

Your children are caught up in this abusive situation. They are growing up thinking this is how relationships are. And that's wrong.

You need to leave. For you, and for them.

Samantha41 · 12/06/2023 22:19

Thanks for all the replies I just need to get it off my chest I was quite upset tonight

OP posts:
Unananana · 12/06/2023 22:23

Your poor children. Listening to their dad abusing their mum. What are you teaching them about relationships and how women should be treated?

You need to leave. Now.

crackfoxy · 12/06/2023 22:27

Your children are growing up thinking this is a normal. This is their blueprint for relationships, is this what you want? Your H is a bully

Rainbowsandfairies · 12/06/2023 22:50

Oh my love I was in an abusive relationship for 2 yrs until I got him arrested. Please try and find the strength to leave this man. Do it for your kids- none of you deserve this horrible man in your lives 😔 xxx

Dery · 12/06/2023 22:56

OP - this is awful. Your children are learning that this is how men treat women. This is so damaging for them, as well as you. How can you be helped away from this man?

ZekeZeke · 12/06/2023 23:02

Seriously, how many more posts are you going to do about this?
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4825568-money?reply=126819661

BlastedPimples · 12/06/2023 23:02

He's horrendous.

The way he has spoken to you and treated is just awful.

Your ds sounds like he's learning that's the way to treat women.

It is so familiar to me. My stbx was the same. Utterly vile and then totally normal a couple of days later.

I found out he was having affair after after. When he was in them, he would be so disgusting to me.

Then he became violent after lots of verbal abuse. My dcs thought he had killed me. To this day, he is outraged one of them called the police that night. Thank goodness they did.

Op, it never gets better. It only gets worse. Your h is a shitty man. Cut him out of your life now and save yourself and your dcs.

KatyKopykat · 12/06/2023 23:02

Samantha41 · 12/06/2023 22:19

Thanks for all the replies I just need to get it off my chest I was quite upset tonight

Why are you posting on here repeatedly and not taking advice on board instead of taking steps to end this stupid marriage?

KatyKopykat · 12/06/2023 23:06

Unananana · 12/06/2023 22:23

Your poor children. Listening to their dad abusing their mum. What are you teaching them about relationships and how women should be treated?

You need to leave. Now.

I have a friend whose husband made their two children listen to them abusing their mother. Do you want to know what happened? He killed them. It doesn't get any more serious than that.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/06/2023 23:37

He will continue to undermine you and your children will lose all respect for you unless you leave him. He's awful. He 'took' a gift from your mum that is financial abuse.
Well done you for being self employed and brining in that money. You can support yourself and you can leave him. Being single is better than being treated with such contempt. Who cares if he's nice on other days, it's doenst make up for this.

billy1966 · 13/06/2023 00:37

Your being terribly abused and so are your children.

How truly dreadful for them to witness this.

What a childhood.

Ring Women's aid.

You and your children are abused and it sounds as if financially you are being abused as well.

I really hope your son tells a teacher or some adult about his home life so that he can get support.

Why are you tolerating his abuse?

He is a shit husband and father and your children will never forget how he behaves.

Ring Women's aid for support.

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