Support for those in an emotionally abusive relationship

[DMDC]

There was a long-running series of threads for this purpose a few years ago. I thought it might be useful to start them up again.

I believe I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship - have been with my partner 20 years and we have 3 children. I’ve reached breaking point and I’m trying to make plans to leave. It would be great to have others in the same position to talk to. Or to hear from those who have made it out.

Anyone else?

I've been on here long enough t to know that whatever your plans are dont write them down, don't keep anything that can be used to manipulate you into staying. Don't keep anything that you could forget to take when you leave. Above all else don't wait, do you have parents or info on Womens Aid etc. go as soon as you can and be so strong. You will and you can get out.

I don’t have parents around anymore, sadly. I can’t tell you how much I wish my mum was still here as I know she’d help me. I don’t have siblings either. I wish I had somewhere I could go with the kids because I’d just go. Or if I could afford to rent somewhere while still covering the mortgage and bills etc on the family home - again I’d go.

I’ve detached from him and don’t think I love him anymore. I’m not hoping he’ll change anymore either - I used to think he could but I’ve accepted now, this is who he is and he’s only getting worse.

I feel like I’m behind a glass screen looking through at the life I could have, free from him, but I can’t see how to get through.

It’s more the finances and the logistics - where could I go and how could I afford to live until our assets are divided? I can start making steps towards leaving but once he knows, it’ll be unbearable living in the same house.

I’ve contacted a solicitor and she’s offered me an appointment next week. I haven’t bitten the bullet and accepted the appointment yet because I’ll struggle to afford it. But at the same time I feel like I’ve got to keep taking steps forward. I almost told my boss (who’s also a friend) this weekend but chickened out. I feel ashamed that I’m living this life.