Estranged grandparents

[MelissaD10]

We are estranged from my husbands parents… they took us to court about 5 years ago to see the children but court ruled that it was not in our children’s best interests for them to have contact with them.

at the time we only had 2 children however we have now had another child. As It stands they don’t know we have had another. Anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do?

we have no contact at all and we don’t want any either

Do nothing further. You are no contact anyway with these people for very good reason.

That makes me feel a bit better… we have been spotted by them and had them shouting our names in the street

I feel sorry the grandparents/children are missing out.

If even the court says no access then leave it.

A court ruled that it's not in their interests to see them.... what positive thing do you actually think they're missing out on? Decisions like this are absolutely not taken lightly. The OP hasn't shared details but clearly the estrangement is over a very significant negative influence/issue.

I'm in the same situation with my mum and she doesn't know how many kids I have never mind any info like their names or sex.

A court ruled that they should be kept apart. People like that aren't going to benefit the children's lives so think before being nasty.

Missing out on what?! more victims for their abuse/being subjected to their abuse? Ridiculous and thoughtless comment.

OP - maintain your no contact. Telling them of the birth will open a new line of contact and a fresh deluge will begin. That no contact is there for a reason. Please keep it there.

I know it's not easy, and not all people (see above) will understand. But most people fortunately do not have an insight or understanding as to how damaging and dangerous toxic family members can be if they haven't experienced it themselves. The "you only get one mother" brigade just cannot comprehend the heartbreak and courage to maintain NC that it takes when that mother/relative has rarely, if ever, been kind and loving.

Best wishes to you. Stay strong. x

My parents were estranged from my dad's mother for years. My parents finally gave in and we started visiting her when I was in my teens. Do you know what I missed out on for 14 years....being called horrible names ("you're a whore, just like your mother"), smacked across the face a couple of time for daring to sit in "her chair" 3 months after the visits started my parents stopped them again. One of the best days of my life was the day the witch that birthed my lovely, kind patient father, died.

Don't assume that all grandparents are kind, gentle, adoring people. I really wish I'd never met mine. As for my dad's father never met him, never missed him.

Maintain your no contact.

Thank you for all the supportive messages

Brumbies… rest assured my children are not missing out. The uk courts do not like cutting off contact and the judge told me they only do it in extreme circumstances. It was ruled that should the children have contact that it was likely that they would suffer psychological and or physical harm. I’m protecting my children

Agree. Maintain no contact. Don't fall into the moral obligation trap of feeling you should tell them. There's a court order for a reason.

Do grandparents have rights to the extent they can take parents to court for access to the grandchildren?

Surely there's no reason to do anything???

Unfortunately no but yes…

they can ask the court for permission to let them apply for a child’s arrangement order so they can legally have access. In our case the permission was granted because the judge said she was reluctant to rule in our favour without hearing their “side”. So the permission for the court case was given… but once the evidence was presented it was a different story

Carry on being no contact. What else would you do?

My family knows I have 2 children but they only met my youngest twice as a baby and never again. He has no idea who they are. They don’t even know where we live.

It’s wonderful. I have a kind of peace that I haven’t had for years. And I’m glad my littlest one will not have to go through all their dicking around and emotional manipulation like my eldest did.

I don't know why this would even be a question.

Continue as you are.

Please don’t feel at all sorry for my mum who facilitated a convicted child sexual abuser’s contact with my children. Sadly, she is still out there facilitating his contact with other children and he has abused others since (she told me herself what he did after I cut off any contact with my children).

I am nc with my dps. As is dh with his... My df has no idea how many dc I have. Haven't seen /heard from him since 1998...
Mil is a toxic woman. Hasn't seen ds 8 since he was tiny.
I agree your dc are most certainly not missing out op.