How to stop obsessing over missing the honeymoon period!!

[nuggetsharebox]

Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly a year now.
I find myself reading old texts from when we were dating, like him saying he’d love to hold my hand on the next date, or saying how hard he’s fallen for me etc. He used to send long soppy paragraphs about how he felt.

I know now everything is really secure. He does lovely things for me and treats me so well. But I can’t help but read these and miss it. Boyfriend disagrees - he said “I’d much rather see you more often like I do now, than text like that again”. “I’d rather wake up next to you most days like I do now”. He says it’s a normal way for a relationship to evolve and what we have is secure.

How do I stop being bummed out about all this?

I'm 4 years into a relationship and I still feel very honeymoonish but I do know what you mean about all those old texts. Take them for what they are - a glimpse into the past when it was all exciting and new. You can't get to know somebody all over again so that sense of magic and discovery has gone but focus on what you have now in a positive light. The stability is worth much more, you can have sparks with anybody in the first few months but building something that lasts is much much harder and bigger achievent. Look forward more than back, it's okay to glance over your shoulder but if you spend all your time focusing on the past then the now will pass you by. Try doing something new together, nights out, a gig, weekend break if you can afford it etc.
You shouldn't let it get you down, perhaps just reframe it all as it sounds very positive. Just try to enjoy each part for what it is. Somw wonderful memories that still gives you butterflies AND a great partner who you can depend on every day.

@nuggetsharebox
Maybe what your partner is trying to convey is that he finds it far more satisfying to function like an adult in an adult relationship than to send notes and texts that reek of love sick teenage emoting.

He may think that he is now in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. You feel that what came before was your honeymoon phase and you are entitled to feel that way.

This is the same with me. I recently read back over texts from 2018 when we started dating and they were sooooo lovey dovey… stuff I don’t actually hear anymore. We are married now And moved in in 2019.
However I will say, I think what you and your bf have now is more real. I think when u move in or/ and spend much more time with one another that stuff kinda disappears. I agree with above post- could you guys do new things together? Maybe make more date nights? I’m guilty of same, used to send really long or soppy msgs but it deffo stopped after we moved in.
The sense of security is really nice. I’d much rather see a person daily and talk about real stuff than fantasies about the next time I would meet them: I think that probably wouldn’t last forever, no matter how much you guys ended up seeing each other.

I would take the solid, unwavering loyalty and security along with acts of kindness that come from long term love over the 'words' of a fresh romance.

You're addicted to those lovely neurotransmitters (dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin). The first flush of lust and obsession.

Realistically, you need to think carefully about that. Makes you prone to cheating, ending relationships which are good, and being generally unhappy.

Are you a bit sensory-seeking generally? Roller coasters, food, drugs? I can be like this and I have ADHD!

I know what you mean, I've spent time before looking at old lovey dovey messages and got sad that we don't say it so much anymore....so I made the effort of sending one every so often. They don't have to be paragraphs, just a reminder that you can still tell each other how you feel. An "I love & appreciate you" text goes a long way x

I think for a relationship to last long term you need to be able to look back at those messages like 'ahhh that's sweet' but I'm a way that you're grateful you moved forward from that because you're happy with where your life is heading now. For example you are happy youve moved in together and are thinking about the future, marriage, children etc.

I've been with my DH for over 12 years now and I know that little excited feeling doesn't happen anymore, but instead I feel incredibly in love and comfortable with DH which trumps the honeymoon period any day.