Why do I feel like this

[wafflepumpkin]

I'm wondering if anyone else feels the way I do, and has ever managed to get to what the cause of it is.

I'm beginning to think there's something fundamentally wrong with me. Like something diagnosable. I've been to a counsellor and it didn't help much as we got off track and tbh I didn't feel a great connection with them.

I feel so annoyed by my DM and DH. Sometimes is justified, other times not.
I find both their behaviours irritating in different ways, but I know they love me and want what's best for me.

I feel like being irritated and disappointed by people is a thread in my life and I have realised that I am the common denominator.

Does anyone else feel like this? I hate it, it's making me grumpy and miserable and I'm finding it hard to maintain relationships because of feel this way

What is it they're doing that irritates you?

I feel like being irritated and disappointed by people is a thread in my life and I have realised that I am the common denominator.

Wow, this is exactly how I feel about myself, I couldn't have put it better. It also seems to be DP & DM who piss me off the most.

I started counselling recently, 3 sessions in so far, the plan is to work on my expectations of people. Not sure if it'll work as its early days, but it helps to vent.

So DM, is just a bit oblivious. She's retired and has bags of time so sort of never sticks to plans etc.

Examples being, she will visit but won't say what time she's arriving. Or we'll make plans to meet at 10am and at 10am she'll message and say I'm running late, but for no actual reason other than she just is.

Talking about her friend getting in a car crash while we're driving on the motorway with my DC in the car.

Letting herself in to my house rather than ringing the doorbell.

Ringing me and just talking at me.

Sorry that was a bit of a rant 😂

DH just feeling a bit unsupportive and disinterested in me.

I have these very strong feelings of rage when I'm alone and think about these things. But then I spend time with them and think actually they're good people.

I'm sorry you feel this way too, sucks doesn't it!

Odd that it's your DM and DH too though 😂

Good luck with you counselling 💖

I get this. Sometimes I think it's cause maybe I'm just a bit of an arsehole but I know I have good intentions. I just get frustrated easily. I'm on the waiting list to be assessed for autism. Have you considered that?

Your DH and DM are probably going to be the two people who love you most in the world.

It sounds like there's an imbalance of expectations there. E.g. your DM lets herself in the house but you want her to ring the doorbell. DM obviously feels much more relaxed about those sorts of boundaries. A conversation needs to be had with her, explaining why you need her to ring the doorbell.
Her other traits make her sound simply a bit scatty, hair-brained or eccentric, possibly a little self-centred but she's not a bad person, right?
Why do you feel DH is not supportive/interested?

I would also say that you should consider the possibility that you irritate the hell out of your DM and/or your DH, but they do not show it.

They are both good people but sometimes do things that I find highly irritating. I'm sure I do the same to them, I just find it very hard to let go of things. Which I think could be part of the issue

Why do you assume you're the problem, OP? Maybe they are irritating! It's OK to be annoyed. Are you maybe needing more effective ways of communicating your feelings to them and asking for what you want to be different?

Sometimes people are very happy to label one person as "the problem", don't assume it's always you!

If you are irritated but don't express it assertively, the risk is that resentment and fury build up. You could read up about assertive communication or get some help with it, so that you can, for example, clearly tell your mum you don't feel comfortable with anyone just letting themselves into your house. It's completely reasonable to want her to respect your boundaries and stick to agreements, I'd want the same.

I think it is a build up of resentment and rage as you say @Pamspeople

The thing is that everyone considers me to be a no nonsense person, who will "say it as it is" when in fact I often feel guilty for saying how I feel and I second guess myself a lot. Particularly when it comes to close family/friends

@wafflepumpkin
OP, you might ask them what if anything that you do that bothers or irritates them?

You might find that they find the same or similar things irritating about you.

If there are things that you would like them to know about you, why not just share without them having to ask? You can also tell them specifically what areas of your life that you would like them to take an interest.

It always helps me to stay on balance when I remind myself that others may feel about me exactly the way that I feel about them.

It sounds like maybe you lack a bit of confidence in communicating your wants and needs, so it comes across as blunt but actually then you feel bad about it. That sounds really tough and miserable for you, I'm sure some learning and practice in assertive communication could help. You could ask for some counselling through your gp or private if you can afford it and ask to focus your sessions on learning how to communicate how you're feeling, in ways that leave everyone feeling OK. Don't assume you're a problem, it's just that many of us don't learn how to communicate effectively growing up - but we can learn as adults, don't worry

A classic book to have a look at is A Woman in Your Own Right, it's old now but covers the basics really well

Thanks @Pamspeople you've been very kind

Try and be just as kind to yourself 😊