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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

between two,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

22 replies

sasa15 · 21/02/2008 16:06

I've been with my dh for 9 years,,,,,
married from 5 .......
He didn't give me many attentions since last year....always coming in bed late about 2 am..
due to watching movies.....downloading music etc...
I talked to him several times...nothing changed....until an other man walked in my life....younger....full of attention...of course to start with....a lot of chemistry,,
my culture...as I'm italian and dh is english..

I love him a lot but also as a friend...dh knows all about him...and now after 4 months they are both waiting for my decision...

they are 2 different people,,,
it's a risk to go with the new lover...
as I know that dh will love me always and never will have an affair,,,,,
the other promised love, wants a baby wants a family like any other man at his age 32 i'm 38
(I've already a baby 3 years old, that he loved and dh loved a lot of course)

It's exciting go for a new relationship...and
I'm not sure if it's exciting see a fresh start...with the marriage.....specially after been with the new lover.....that is really really hot and experienced in bed....I had oral sex from him and anal sex...and that turned me on....dh refused this since start.
oh oh.....what a mess!

OP posts:
pedilia · 21/02/2008 16:15

The other man will always seem the more attractive because it is all new, what happens a couple of years down the line?

Have you and Dh tried to work thbings out? Do you still love DH? Do you have children together?

Original poster
sasa15 · 21/02/2008 16:15

I hope someone with the same experience will bump me......
I have 3-4 days maybe more to make a decision..
as we are all suffering from this situation...

I'm like separate in the house...
dh is waiting......he thinks is only a fling....and he changed a lot his behave as he need the hard way to learn all....

but I don't know if is too late....to give a chance to the marriage........or just go for the new adventure,,,,,,,and take the risk

OP posts:
WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 16:23

Sorry... i'd not risk a marriage to what seems like a good man just for oral & anal sex.

I think your dh is being very understanding to wait until you decide. Ultimately it's up to you I suppose, but the fact that you say it's just the sex that turns you on, maybe you & your dh work on this aspect of your relationship?

Personally I would run a million miles away from someone who wanted to shove their cock up my arse, but hey, we're all different.

mumofdjandp · 21/02/2008 16:27

me too I do not for the life of me understand what is remotely appealing about anal sex

it sounds excriciating and not in the least pleasurable!

MAMAZON · 21/02/2008 16:45

so he knows about the other man? how did your Dh find out?

as for Anal sex, i dont see how that impacts on anything. good sex is fun but after time good sex turns into plain old ordinary sex.....its only really hot because it is new and exciting.

if you enjoy bum love so much ask your Dh, then that too will be really hot and exciting

OverMyDeadBody · 21/02/2008 18:50

I'm impressed with your husband for waiting around for an answer, he's obviously committed to the relationship and feels strongly enough about you to forgive an affair. Surely you can train him to pleasure you in ways you want? As others said, sooner or later the new exciting sex with this other man will become ordinaly usual sex...

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 20:59

Are you there lady?

Or are you too busy having fab anal sex?

alittleone2 · 21/02/2008 21:01

Message withdrawn

Ledodgy · 21/02/2008 21:09

Ok reality check.
Look a year down the line with new man. The passionate sex is not as passionate and not as frequent. Life has gotten in the way. There are bills coming through your letter box to be argued about, housework and cooking to be done. You get pregnant with his baby and are tired and not looking your best so don't feel very sexy... Now does it seem much different to the loving family you already have?

Lulumama · 21/02/2008 21:12

you should leave your DH if you are not happy with him and having an affair.. you canot mend your relationship while you are having a relationship with someone else

while it is exciting and secret with new man, then you cannot see the reality. living and making a life with someone is different to having fab sex and no commitment

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 21:16

yeah, ledodgy is right.

A year from now, when you fart & shit yourself, wil he still think you're sexy.

And lulu is right too... live on your own a while, see what you want. And if it really is just bum sex then buy a vibrator.

pedilia · 21/02/2008 21:18

Is this thread for real, the word troll springs to mind

cluelessnchaos · 21/02/2008 21:22

cant be for real too many,,,,,......

Lulumama · 21/02/2008 21:28

i am sure i recognise the posting name

chipmonkey · 21/02/2008 22:52

interesting first post!

littlewoman · 22/02/2008 01:50

what is a troll. I keep seeing that word

wabbit · 22/02/2008 02:05

troll - poster posing as someone with contravercial problem/views/attitude who is posting only for the reaction they cause.

wabbit · 22/02/2008 02:08

can't spell controversial!!!

littlewoman · 22/02/2008 02:10

Oh, okay, thanks Wabbit. What dull lives they must lead lol

Original poster
sasa15 · 23/02/2008 08:03

it's not a joke.....!

thank you anyway....

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 23/02/2008 08:14

sasa, I think when you have a child and have been with someone a while it does get boring and mundane but thereis a deeper love there.
I think meeting someone new is sexy and exciting but bound to wear off.
If your passion for this new man is overwhelming and you feel there is areal respect and true love there it make things harder.
If it is just great sex it will probably wear off, and I would stay with your husband who already lovs you through everyday life

mrsruffallo · 23/02/2008 08:14

If your husband could spice up your sex life would you choose him?

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