Common interests

[MrsKrakatoa]

How important is having common interests with someone in order to have a long-term healthy relationship?

I’ve found it to be very important, if you spend your spare time doing different things you can soon grow apart - especially when spare time is scarce.

I have had insane chemistry with a couple of guys who I shared no interests with.
I ended up with another guy for many years and we shared SOME interests but as time went on, the things he likes that I didn't started to grate on us for example, it's all well and good liking travel but when income or commitments change and it's down to cheaper things like music and films as common interests or even whether you like going biking vs hiking and I tell you, it's really not fun. We don't enjoy the same films, hate each other's music....once the spark faded we drifted apart.

So yes I think in my future partner I would want to to like at least 70% of what he likes. Sexual chemistry is crazy, it can be with total opposites but long term you need more glue to stick you together.

Perhaps that's one reason I've never met anyone compatible.

I also couldn't date someone who was a Tory or Trump supporter!

I think it’s important to have things in common. It doesn’t have to be everything, but you need a mix of similar things you enjoy and similar beliefs/values/life goals. For example, Dh and I both enjoy the outdoors. We both really like camping and hiking. I also like swimming and horseback riding, but dh doesn’t. Dh likes climbing but I’m afraid of heights! But we can go on an outdoorsy holiday and each find things to enjoy and we each enjoy doing our own interests alone and with our dc. We don’t need to do all the same things together all the time, but we like similar enough things to have common ground.

We do have fairly similar values and life goals though, so was very easy to agree on things like: work/life balance, finances, sharing of household tasks, how to raise dc, religion, etc. And we get along with the same sorts of people so we’ve always gotten along with each other’s friends.

I think that’s what’s important. Not necessarily if you have the same hobbies or same taste in music.

I think common interests are a good way of meeting people but not essential for a happy, healthy relationship.

It depends on the relationship. In previous relationships it hasn’t mattered. But now with DH we have everything in common, we both love the same music, the same hobbies, and enjoy spending all our spare time together. It’s bliss, but I can imagine that it’s not for everyone.

Really important imo. Otherwise you end up not spending time together doing enjoyable things.

What would you do if he left you? It definitely sounds like co-dependency dressed up as "having a lot of things in common". No wonder women like this post break up can't cope with life and have no friends!

Hey?? I would be fine! I have been single before, and in relationships where I have had different interests.

Now I have been fortunate to find a man that has the same interests (which we both had before we met) and who I actually enjoy spending time with having a lot of fun. We both have lost loved ones who died far too young and that gives us a similar outlook and approach to life. I feel sorry for couples who don’t have that connection because when you find it, it’s amazing.

I think it’s important. You don’t have to be like for like, but sharing something makes it a lot more enjoyable! Both me and my partner are big metal fans, so we go to lots of gigs together. We both enjoy gardening and walking, and we both love the same types of holidays with lots of history and sightseeing. But I have no interest in weight lifting which is his other hobby, so we’re not exactly the same 😆