Husband happy 11 weeks after spilt

[Kindheartedperson]

Hi everyone just need a bit of a kick up the arse today, so my darling husband pack up and left 11 weeks ago. while I was at a meeting for our son, who has autism’ so the meeting was about trying to get him into a Sen school and when I got back from the school run later that day I found out he had moved out ! When I got home I phoned him to be told yes I have moved out and am not coming back. He has never bothered his arse since to see our son and blocked my on everything. My friend sent me a screen shot of his whats app status and he had put on “never been happier “ wish I could say I feel the same I struggle to get my arse out of bed everyday but as a mam I have too.

You’re 35, you’re in your prime. He’s a sad old cunt whose failed at everything. You’ve totally got this. 👌🏻

Open up a cms case, block him off everything. Two can play that game. What an utter arsehole

This us a very common thing that some men do when they leave! The first 6 months they are happy and living their best life and you are the one left grieving. Usually around the 6 month mark they start to regret their decision and come sniffing around again. However, by this time you have done your grieving and moved on. Then it hits them. Happened to me and lots of friends.

Right

1. apply for CMS immediately if you havent
2. send him a formal letter outlining contact eg from 1st July I expect you have the DC from Friday until Monday every other weekend and one night in the week you don’t have them that weekend. I expect you to phone D.C. at 6 pm on Monday Wednesday Friday I expect you to support our DC financially , emotionally, physically and mentally and you haven’t done this for 12 weeks so from 1 st July step up
3. apply for reduced council tax
4. tell your friend that you don’t want messages like that - you aren’t interested. But if she wants to support you, you would be grateful and cups of tea are welcome anyone that passed messages I politely said I didn’t want any - if they did it again or gave private information to him or got involved in rumours I cut them off - no drama just cut them off
5. build your army - reach out to other mums local churches and build that support network it takes time - but 2 years after we relocated I have 20 friends locally that I could ask for emergency childcare and likewise
6. look after you first. Eat well. See your gp. Counselling is worth it
7. you will survive and you will thrive without a adult sucking the life out of you I promise you this - you will survive
8. change the locks of you haven’t already and lastly
9. get a good solicitor and get rid of the deadweight

Also this - mine didn’t have OW but was abusive and his entire family were foul - £kkk in divorce costs etc and he was nasty

3 years later at a change over where he picked the Dc up he was crying and said ‘when I was married to you, but the two DCs I had a proper family and I was happy I miss you and our home and our life’ I didn’t say a word - I walked away.

this is man whose sole contribution was playing with the kids when family visited - the rest of the time he was out cycling - little bugger and leaving me to work full time and do everything else

yes I bet he missed the fact he had no friends - they couldn’t look him in the eye after what he did to us, he had no one to organise his diary, and kids wanted nothing to do with him - they were like bugger off -

all of this will come back and bite him on the arse

so just focus on your lovely new life
your child your home your bond and your rules

@TheCheeseTray thank you for your advice, it’s just hard when he boosting how happy he is well of course he going to be, he isn’t the one trying to fight for schools for our son, he is t the one that can’t have a social life as there is no one to have the little one.@Tiddlypomtiddlypom thank you your right although I don’t feel like am in my prime at the moment haha

She’s not your friend.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

🙏🏻

This is such good advice. I know it hurts right now. But it doesn’t sound as if he was much of a husband or father. You’re actually going to wake up one day and realise you’re better off without him.

Please tell all his friends and family what he has done. Even if he did decide he needed to break up with you, the way he's done it is so callous cruel and vile. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, no one deserves this, especially you and your son.

I could be wrong, but I think he's found someone else.

Don't be surprised if he comes back telling you he's sorry, and trying to get back with you. (It won't be genuine btw)

He's no good!

Anyone that can 'discard' their family so callously is not worth any of your time.

Kindhearted It is time to get mad, get to the lawyers and start Divorce proceedings, contact the CMS as he needs to be contributing towards your son. Don't be nice for your Sons sake, let folk now exactly what he has done, walked out without a word and hasn't seen your Son once. You deserve so much, go for it.

First of all, your ex sounds like a selfish, useless lump who made your life harder. You're well rid of him. Your life will be much happier without him in it.

Second of all, don't believe everything you read on SM. There is NO correlation between how happy people's lives appear on their social media and how happy they really are (in fact, as a pp said, sometimes it's inversely proportionate... truly happy people are too busy being happy most of the time). It was probably posted so you would see it.

Thirdly, your friend is rubbish. Why would any half decent friend send you that message?

Thank you everyone for your replies ❤️. It amazes me how you can be with someone for 12 years and they walk away with out even giving a fuck. @perfectcolourfound yeah you so right if he really was that happy then go and enjoy it, just wish I could wake up and all of my feeling was gone, but I guess In time that will happen ❤️

You can help the process by taking the control and the lead and start caring far more about your own feelings, future than him. You could have thrown away your whole life to this knob. In time you will seen this for the gift it is.

Evidence of the fact that he's overjoyed to have abandoned his child, that's what.

Obviously I second what everyone else has said, but i just think this from @firstmummy2019 Is worth repeating
This us a very common thing that some men do when they leave! The first 6 months they are happy and living their best life and you are the one left grieving. Usually around the 6 month mark they start to regret their decision and come sniffing around again. However, by this time you have done your grieving and moved on. Then it hits them. Happened to me and lots of friends. I've seen this too; at the moment he is living free and single, but once the novelty has worn off you will be stronger, more independent and won't need or want him anymore and will see him for what he is.
I am sorry you and your boy are hurt. Its time to get tough and look after the two of you. Absolutely put in a CMS claim and make sure you change the locks on your house. Contact CAB, who will be able to help with any extra support you need or signpost you to agencies who can help, there are so many resources. You can do this @Kindheartedperson 💐

@EyelessArseFace And? The courts aren't going to give a toss about that. All they will care about is the parents coming to an agreement about custody, access, money etc.

The 'other woman' sent my mother a horrible letter after my father left my mother for her (God knows why, she'd got what she wanted). My mother thought the court would 'punish' my father for it, she was told by the judge it made zero difference.