DP, herpes and dating wwyd

[Lyinganddeceiving]

My partner lied about having cold sores and now I have it but not in the oral area. He knew is was having an outbreak and said he cut himself accidentally - it didn’t look like a cold sore. I then found medication hidden in the bathroom.

Things haven’t been great for a while but we make it work the issue is that since he gave it to me I have started to hate my sexuality as it sort of killed things. Hard to describe really. He denied it was him but I had a primary outbreak - nothing since, and he had a blister which was swabbed and confirmed to be HSV 1 - I got really sick a few days after the event and it was quite something - although it didn’t look like cold sores usually do. My own fault for believing him.

The problem I have is there is such a stigma attached to it and I’ve heard horror stories that I don’t even want to bother putting myself through the shame of being rejected so I’ve stayed to try and make it work. We have enormous issues, bother separated and have children so will never live together and of course I can get over my anger and mistrust that he lied. That said things are not always bad but I am so down and feel like contaminated goods. I know I should try and come to terms with it but I have read mostly such negative things around this subject ☹️

It’s ruining my life to be honest

I hadn't realised there were HSV support groups, so I had a look... It seems a lot of this is self-perpetuating anxiety amongst some people online who are making a mountain out of a molehill, and damaging their and others mental health as a result. Some of this is hypochondria spouted by zealous Americans one of which wrote "While most people living with herpes are advised to see a specialty therapist" which is an absurd over-reaction unless you are unlucky enough to have a rare complication!

There are STIs that are worth being concerned about, but herpes isn't one.

"..of course I can get over the anger and mistrust that he lied" - why would you want to? It's not something you have to or should want to get over. It's in the unforgivable category. You should cut ties with him, he sounds like a nasty piece of work, don't settle for him.

Was on this thread a while ago it might help

My girlfriend just disclosed she has herpes after a year of dating www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4806249-my-girlfriend-just-disclosed-she-has-herpes-after-a-year-of-dating

I was diagnosed a few months into my relationship with (now) DH, I'd had previous outbreaks but hadn't realised what they were, put it down to a combo of shaving and cheap thongs I was devastated that I'd unknowingly put him at risk all that time, that I'd infected him and terrified he would leave me or it would ruin our sex life.

Obviously none of those things happened, we're 20 odd years down the line now and still going strong, and he's still HSV-free, or at least asymptomatic. The point I'm making is that it doesn't mean no one will want you, there is life after getting diagnosed. My DH could easily have walked away, we were a few months in, not living together, not committed in any way, not everyone is scared off by it.

Your DP is not your only option, you can and will do better and the second you start to believe that you will be running for the hills to get away from him. I know how you're feeling right now, angry, dirty, like this is going to ruin your life. It does pass, I know you won't believe it now but it becomes a tiny thing in your life, not the all encompassing disaster it feels like right now. I wish I could give you a massive hug and convince you it will all be ok, because it will

that I'd infected him this should read 'that I could have infected him', just to be clear my DH has never had any symptoms whatsoever, as far as we're aware he hasn't caught it despite sleeping with me for over 20 years.

@Lyinganddeceiving You would not have consented to him giving you oral presumably if you knew he had an active cold sore and fully knew the risks. So it was an assault really as you only consented under the assumption he didn't have that. You even asked him and he lied.

Don't stay with your perpetrator xx

Isn't this what Pamela Anderson got from Tommy Lee? I think she sued him. 🤷🏼‍♀️