Trapped, Move back to the UK? Where

[romanticdresses]

I am sorry as this is long and probably boring to most.

Hoping someone in midlife can relate.

My parents are currently over from Spain where they now live permanently and love it. I moved from abroad a year ago into their empty flat that would otherwise have been rented out to someone else they would not have known so the perfect setup for all. Or so I thought.

My DC have both moved out and have their own partners and are doing great in life.

Here is my issue. Me renting my parents flat, with all their belongings in it, was only a temporary solution for me and my parents knew this from the start. For context they are lovely, baby boomers who have lived an interesting life. Always worked hard.

Now I am not really finding myself at home in their flat, its got all their things in it, and I am in their small extra bedroom as I find it strange to use their bedroom which, like I said above, has all their belongings including bed in it.
I want to move out but with the sky high rent in my area its looking almost impossible.
Each time my parents come over, which is frequently, they are staying here, obviously. This time for over a month.
But at middle age I feel like I am now living with my parents rather than independently. I am single so would like, eventually, to meet someone. But my parents are under the illusion that once I myself retire, I will simply take on caring for them whether that be here in the flat, or in Spain. I want neither to be honest. I love them and will jump in if they need, but feel this means my life will be on hold until they need more help in near future. In their 70's.

I am stuck in the flat and with the sky high rental prices its looking like I will not afford a similar place that is mine, with my things in it any time soon, if ever. Hope someone can relate?

Although I love my DP dearly they are very racist, have strong opinions and have been borderline abusive to people they feel are beneath them, these would be the till worker, someone serving them their food at a restaurant and god forbid if they are foreign. I try not to go out with them as it is really draining. They bring such drama with them each time they come I dread it every time now.

As I have lived abroad most of my adult life, I have been welcomed and love the diversity of life. I have thought of moving abroad again, UK, have permanent residency and a job to go to, but WHERE do I move too? I am reading horror stories of the average Brit not being able to make ends meet and things have taken a turn since a year ago when I moved. Am I unreasonable and selfish for not wanting to look after and out for my parents? I feel really trapped. Hope someone can relate with respect to the parents and can give a little advise. Thanks.

You are not selfish for not wanting to plan your life around the hypothetical future needs of your parents, no. They have resources: if they need care they can sell the flat or the Spanish house, or both.

As for moving to the UK, what would your income be? Yes, people are feeling the pinch butt most people with reasonable incomes and no childcare to pay for are at least getting by.

How is your own retirement looking? If you have been working outside the UK have you any state pension entitlements? From the country you have been resident in? Or private pension? How would moving impact any of that?

Where are you living now, in the UK or abroad?

Your post isn't very clear. Are you living in their UK home?

If you can't afford to move out you are stuck however you are an adult. Go where you fancy?

Are you working? If you have no children living at home, it should be relatively easy to find a place to live. You could be a lodger temporarily just to get on your feet or look to rent someone’s granny flat, or look for house sitting roles you can bounce between. You just need something simple and temporary to get the ball rolling if you want to move out. If you are open to completely moving areas, where would you love to live?

Have to say though I’m chuckling at your parents who live in Spain being awful to people because they’re ‘foreigners’. 😂 Sounds a bit like my mum who goes on about all the immigrants in my home country while having a daughter who is in fact an ’immigrant’.

Wherever you are going
I suggest that you will need some savings

What skills do you have ?

I don't think that you can just turn up to any country & claim benefits

Start applying for jobs

Beware if you renting privately & not via an agency, that there are scammers advertising places to rent that don't actually exist. Suggest that you visit the rental property in person. Do not part with money over the Internet without viewing in person

Or apply for a job with accommodation included

Looking after your parents could be 20, 30+ years in the future & not guaranteed

You know what makes you unhappy and seem self aware enough to not do it. Loving your parents doesn't mean sacrificing your life for them. That's not why they had you.
I am retired. I moved home to please my partner who I love. It has made me unhappy. If you try to do what you think your parents want you to do it will make you very unhappy.
Try to get a job that allows you to study. Get some qualifications and start a life. My nephew had to start his life again at 40 when his wife left him. he got a job in a hospital, nothing great, whilst studying radiography at Uni. He got his degree in it and now has a job that pays reasonably well and with which he is happy. And, he is buying a house just outside London. He says he misses London but he is very happy with his new career. So, there are solutions.
Whatever you do, be your own person, please. Enjoy your life, especially when you're young. Good luck

Let me get this right: your parents are abusive towards foreigners and they live in a foreign country?

That's quite a stereotypical expat, (especially boomer and above generation) IMO. Loads of them voted for Brexit and then complained about all the admin it created for them. Very bizarre. They are ignorant, ill informed types.

You could perhaps redecorate the flat to your own taste, cheaper option? However, given that you fear there is an expectation that you will end up looking after them, it may well be better to make the move now and be where you'd like to settle indefinitely. If that is a country where your parents are less likely to want to end up, then the distance makes it less likely you'd end up as their carer.
You haven't said your financial situation, but it sounds like somehow you've got to middle age without savings or property, which maybe restricts your options.do you have any siblings?
It amazes me how many ex-pats are so xenophobic, but don't mind cherry-picking what foreign climes have to offer.