Golf Widows advice

[OhohGino]

My dp of 10 years is literally golf mad and I’m resentful. He is late 40s and I’m early 50s. Kids grown and left. No responsibilities at home. His hobbies are taking over. Every weekend. Holidays cut short to accommodate his hobby. I feel that I’m left with the crumbs. He’s tired when he’s home. I am kicking myself as I encouraged him to join a club as he was missing it and now he just doesn’t have time for me. He plays to a very high standard. It’s not just an hour or a morning it’s all day. I have started up the game myself thinking that would be a good idea but now wonder whether he really wants me encroaching on his man time.
he also plays other sports
I have good friends and work so can make my own plans but in reality I would like to spend weekends with him.
this week for example. Thursday he practised in the morning and played at 2 so home at 7. Friday was a competition so left the house at 11 and home at 9. Today another comp left at 7am and not home.
a day spending tomorrow together but he will be exhausted.
anyone any advice?

Have you actually spoken to him about how you feel? What is your relationship like in general? My exh took up triathlon training towards the end of our marriage and it was all consuming and I was always left to pick up the slack. I can see now though that we were both unhappy and he had turned to his hobby as a way to escape. If you have a happy marriage then surely your DH should realise he is being selfish and want to spend time with you.

People on these type of threads often suggest taking up a hobby yourself.
I can see the reasoning, but then you have even less time together.
Have you spoken to him to explain how you feel about this?

Hi
yes I’ve spoken to him.
out relationship is great otherwise.
we have fun times. We laugh a lot. We do things together but he does so much on his own that I feel he shoe horns me into his week.
I hate that I feel like this. I don’t want to spoil his fun but I feel left out and lonely.
especially weekends. My friends have families and I think it’s time we should spend together.

What works for me is booking things for myself and timing it when my DH isn’t playing golf, then he realised what it feels like. For example he was going away for a two night golf trip so I booked myself a five day holiday leaving before his trip. He really did miss me as we ended up not seeing each other for a week.
I also don’t facilitate his golf, so I never wash any of his clothes or cook dinner if he’s playing even if I know he will come home knackered.
These little things help me not feel resentful.

That’s a good idea. Although it might backfire on me and he plays even more.
I need him to miss me.

Probably doesn't help you but I embrace it .. I am delighted that DH has a hobby that involves being in the fresh air, making friends, being active ... too many of my friends seem to be married to men who have no interests and just want to drift round with their wives shopping in M & S or being 'entertained'. I have plenty of things I enjoy doing without my DH and equally just love having the house to myself.

Haha
the problem I have is that my dp has too many hobbies. He also has fomo and can’t say no to any invitation

I would have regular set days that you spend together. There is no need to be out of the house so long for a comp. I'm a golf widow, it's been the cause of many arguments so you have my sympathy

and he played again today. 4pm to 9pm

so out of the last 5 days he’s played 4 times.

I would set aside a day to spend together. If he won’t do that then I would sit him down and ask him if he doesn’t enjoy spending time with you? Does he realise he is risking his relationship with you by doing this?
If talking doesn’t work then just do your own thing, don’t be there when he is home, and don’t do any cooking or washing for him. Hopefully he gets the message.