How do other single mums manage to date?

[MaxwellCat]

Is it just a case that they are bringing men around their children quickly? Or have loads of family who babysit? I don't know anyone that pays for a babysitter but I know I will be told that's what people do but I imagine most single mums don't have the money to pay for babysitters for years till they introduce someone to their children? 🤔 I've been single for 6 years and I feel like the only one who is expected to be sworn to celibacy until my children have grown up and moved out! I even have a single parent friend whose got a 3 month old (not with the father) and is already dating someone else. I am "concentrating" on my children but I feel lonely and miss intimacy and I don't think many people would be happy going 6 years without any kind of intimacy unless they are asexual! Yet if I say that I'm "not prioritising my children" wanting a relationship is seen as a weakness and like you are not content with life but surely its human nature to want a partner? How do other single mums manage to date as I feel like the only one not able to, does everyone have childcare on tap or is it a case of introducing sooner than you would have liked? Or stay celibate till they grow up? My ex left when I was pregnant so my youngest is 6 so a long way to go.

One of my neighbours is like this.

I'm not judging her for dating/wanting a relationship as your right it is a normal want in life and no one ever tells dad's they should stay single and focus on their kids.

However this is not ideal for the kids. She has a different guy practically living with her every 6 months. I just couldn't do that to my children.

It would seem we're in a no win situation 😟

It can be tough OP. I waited about 2 years, just wasn't in the fight head space for a relationship and DD was, imo, too young.

Now with DP of nearly 3 years. We don't live together as both have kids which we want to prioritise, we work around the every other weekend DD is at her Dad's and get a few hours once a week during the day. It's not a lot but it works for us, we're committed to each other and we are looking at moving in together within the next 5 years....I know, a long time but its not just the 2 of us to consider, between us we've got 3 kids ages 10-14 so they are the most important things.
Communication is key- we talk every day. We've met each others kids but waited for well over a year. Slow & steady but there are ways of making it possible x

I work shifts and date men who also have irregular work hours. I rarely go out in the evenings, I go on dates when kids are at school. I’m not looking for anything serious though, I imagine it wouldn’t be sustainable long term. I’ve had lots of sex, nobody ever met my kids!

Yeah I honestly never wanted to be one of those mums tbh but I also feel like I'm the only one sacrificing my life until my children have grown up... doesn't seem like anyone else is!

My kids don't visit their father at all so even eow isn't an option

MaxwellCat

i don’t really like to say ‘one of those mums’
my kids don’t meet my FWB because I can afford a babysitter
But also they havnt been the right people to introduce to my dc either if I’m being honest

I think a lot of parents introduce their children early on. I've seen it on the various threads here. I have family who could have my children once a week if I ever dated.

Solo mum by choice here (had my only DC via a sperm donor), no "free", spontaneous childcare other than mon-fri nursery during the day but I'm at work. I'd have to pay for a babysitter (not sustainable long-term for a relationship and far too expensive) or introduce someone rather quickly (no interest in doing that or to cohabit with a man).

I'm open to casual set ups so might consider exploring that more again (on my day off/lunch breaks etc.). I think being an older parent and having gone down the route that I have in order to have my child, I'm past the idealised narrative of romantic relationships and really don't want to jeopardise my emotional stability and in turn parenting due to a 'bloke'. It would be nice to have more chunks of free time for 'me" (not to have to work 5 days a week!), but it's manageable at the moment with annual leave.

I'm "lucky" as in my kids see their dad every other weekend which gives me time to spend with my boyfriend. However that's not really enough to build up a pepper relationship. I have no family nearby, so some things I have done are:

• swap babysitting services with friends
• use a paid babysitter (not often as it's expensive)
• meet for lunch/ coffee during working day
• we both work from home and live 10 minutes away from each other so we try and spend one day a week working together at each others home so we can at least have lunch together and a coffee break.
• he has been round once in the evening once my kids are in bed. My kids don't usually get out of bed though once they are in so the risk of them bumping into him are slim

My kids are now also getting to an age where they are ready for sleepovers at friends which frees up some more time.

We've been dating for a year now and my kids are aware of his existence but haven't met him. Once they do it'll make things a little easier hopefully.

It's tough trying to make it work. My BF doesn't have kids which helps as he's much more flexible than me. So that's something I'd consider too when looking for someone.

I am lucky with family otherwise I couldn't do anything!

I'm surprised you don't have anyone at all who could babysit occasionally.

Don't you have any friends with children who you could create a reciprocal babysitting arrangement with? Or your kid have any friends that they might do sleepovers with?

When my kids were little, I used to babysit for a friend one night a week and she'd do a night for me the following week.