Sibling Relationships

[CheeseDreamsTonight]

I've come to the conclusion that I need to grieve the relationships I thought I would have with my sisters. They're just so different to me and are very close, into different things and quite negative, so time with them isn't very easy.

It's just tough sometimes. Not always. Mostly it's ok, but this week it's a bit sad. Not really sure why.

I am with you. I have a dysfunctional family, one older sister and one younger brother. We are not close. And although I always wanted to believe we could get there one day as adults it never happened. I too grieve but like you I also mostly accept it.

It's strange isn't it? Realising as an adult that it just isn't coming. I swing between being totally ok, to feeling a big sad. Our family is very dysfunctional so time with them is almost always exhausting, and I thought it would get better with age. I think it's actually got a little worse.

Having lost a sibling at a young age you are very lucky to have them.

@Thisislife1 they aren't really in my life though. I love them dearly but they exist completely separately to me. In a crisis, yes, we pull together, but I don't really have them in my life at all.

Jesus, I lost a sibling when I was younger, but I don't feel the need to tell everyone they are lucky to have a shit relationship with theirs.

I wish I had a good relationship with them but I don't think they want it or care that we don't.

@ShortColdandGrey thank you. Was feeling very guilty then!

You have nothing to feel guilty about. I am sorry you don't have a good relationship with them. One of my siblings has decided to cut me off since I had my daughter. I have had to make peace with it and leave them to their decision.

My brother is vile. He stopped speaking to me for 10 years with no explanation (I tried many times to reconcile) until my elderly dad went into hospital. After my dad’s funeral just over a year ago he said to me “we need to work together like colleagues on a work project until mum’s dead, then I never want to see or speak to you again”.

I don’t even hate him after all this time - I just can’t wait till I don’t have to deal with him any more, then he’ll get his wish. The misery he’s caused my mum and dad through his inexplicable actions is unforgivable.

Weirdly one of the worst things is people constantly saying “oh it’s such a shame! I wish you and your brother could be friends again” Etc etc. That boat has sailed for me

@ShortColdandGrey oh I'm sorry to hear that. It's tough. I feel like mine have sort of ghosted me. All efforts haven't worked so I have given up now. I don't want to beg them for their time.

I though my sister and I would be close, but we are very different too. I haven’t seen her in many years which does make me sad because I thought we would grow old together. She cut me off when I no longer served a purpose for her. Our relationship meant much more to me than it did to her.

@SmugglersHaunt it's really tough. Sorry to hear you've had it rough too. I swear people must think I'm dead when they see their Facebook posts out and about all over the place! I've always been different to them but I'm by no means a PITA. Quieter definitely, more bookish, generally just different but not awful. I've got lots of friends and get on well with everyone really. Just them. It's sad.

@Dancingwithumberellas same here. I feel like they haven't even noticed I'm not in their lives.

I have only one living sibling and they dont want to have any relationship with me or my kids. It really hurts but I think Ive come to accept it for what it is.

I also feel like I stopped serving a purpose. I stopped organising the days out, stopped checking in as much, thinking they would notice but they didn't. It is a running joke between me and my mum as they leave her out more now too. We laugh as each year passes where they don't notice we haven't organised the thing we used to do.

They just don't like me 🙈

@Zoraflora me too most of the time but today, wham. 99% of the time I'm fine.

It hurts too much to be rejected over and over so I don't try any more. They probably think I've ghosted them

Just to clarify I stopped organising as they would turn up, not pay me for tickets, mon about how shit it was, then say they're never doing that again and don't know why they bothered.

Everything I do is met with 'don't know how you can be bothered.' Simple things like reading a book, camping (ok I get that one), cooking. No conversation, just 'ugh, I don't have time for that, energy for that.'

I have a very tenuous relationship with my brother and none at all with my sister . It does upset me sometimes but as you have said you can't beat yourself up about it . I sometimes think my mum would be disappointed if she knew .

My sister and I don't get along at all. Our Dad died earlier this year, and we'd had to share his care for the previous 6 months. She was difficult every single step of the way and I will never forgive her for it.

His ashes are being buried next week and I'm counting the hours until I can block her number for once and for all. We may be related but we're not family.

I'm jealous of large close families. I come from a small family and although we aren't disfunctional, there are several family members who choose to just keep themselves to themselves. They'd be there in an emergency but not for a simple cup of coffee and a chat.

All you can do OP is value any close family you do have and do your best to keep the good relationships going well.

@Soozikinzii it's hard but can't be changed most of the time. It hasn't really been an active big argument or anything, just an increased distance

@Bluebells1970 see that's where I've gone wrong I think. I wrongly thought related meant family but I don't think it does.

@Bluebells1970 so sorry for your loss. It just have been really hard dealing with all of that.

@Lindy2 I think my sisters are a bit like that. Very to themselves and each other. No interactions really with any other family.

I'm close to my mum, nan and dad and we all have the same issues with them so it's not just me.