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Original poster

I think DH took my key bizarre behaviour.

57 replies

Oreoo · 09/06/2023 09:37

So my front door key went missing off my key ring , it's really tight so can't have fallen off. Someone would have had to taken it off. I know it was there yesterday morning as I entered the house after a night shift I've come home early. I've asked DH and DD as I had to enter through the back door they both denied it. I then said to DH we will have to change the locks, he then says it will cost a lot of money knowing things have been tight for me.

DH then went downstairs messing with the front door, he then came back up with a new key. Somehow he had a spare barrel lock ready to go and to install. He's never mentioned he's had anything like this.
It's so weird, I can't wrap my head around why he might have taken the key but I think it's him. My keys are in my pocket all night shift. Can any MNers offer an explanation ?

OP posts:
Justleaveitblankthen · 09/06/2023 10:14

MagicBullet · 09/06/2023 10:02

A very wild explanation (and I do think it’s wild)
He lent the house key to someone and he hasn’t got that key back.
Out of safety, he wanted to replace the lock but Wo you knowing he had lent that key. Hence the whole palava about you ‘loosing’ your key and how great he is to 1- have a spare lock at hand and 2- to save you the effort when you are the one causing all the disruption.

I'm buying this one, crazy as it seems.

Another one here who is now invested for the weekend ☀️😂

ChocChipHandbag · 09/06/2023 10:17

Were you asleep between him saying "it will be expensive to replace" and him changing the lock?

Is he the type of man who has a workshop filled with stuff which might just happen to include a new lock barrel that he'd forgotten buying?

He's lying about something OP. You need to have a frank conversation.

Original poster
Oreoo · 09/06/2023 10:18

StarGuide · 09/06/2023 09:44

Are you insinuating that he orchestrated this in order to change the locks but make it sound like it was your idea or because of you?

If he was in trouble with someone, they would be the type of kick the door in or break in.

Why just change the lock on the front door and not the back if he compromised the safety of the house? If your daughter and husband have their original keys already then they haven't lost it and trying to blame it on you.

He had a lock replacement already, if he wanted to change the keys he would have done it anyway.

The most likely answer is the simplest, you lost the key somehow. I don't know everything my DH has, he often surprises me with spares or replacements that he picked up and put away or borrowed from someone.

I think it's strange you're worrying about this.

I'm saying it's impossible for the key to have gone without someone physically pulling it off. I left the house 7th at 7.30pm for night shift I returned at 8.40 am on the 8th. I opened the front door with the key I then went to sleep I didn't leave the house. I then went to work the night shift again I didn't lock the door so didn't check it's a uvpc door and it's usually left open until bedtime. I kept the keys in my pocket during the night shift so no one could have took it at work.
I can't think of any other explanation it must have been DH but I'm not sure why.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 09/06/2023 10:18

I still think that he lost his key, and because he is normally quite organised about these things from what you say, he is embarrassed about it.

He bought the new lock to cover his mistake (DD letting him back in etc.). But messed up again by not telling you or putting the new key on your ring when he should have.

Still bizarre behaviour though. Why not just tell you there was a problem so the lock would be changed and you would all need new keys?

JorisBonson · 09/06/2023 10:19

My DH has all manner of things in his garage. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he magicked up a new lock from somewhere. Seems to me you're overthinking this.

recoveryvehicle · 09/06/2023 10:21

So it went missing during the day yesterday while you were asleep? The keys were left in your pocket all day yesterday and when you left for work you didn't touch the keys at all. It was only when you came home this morning that you realised the key wasn't there but the key ring was? Is that correct?

Jellycats4life · 09/06/2023 10:22

I just can’t imagine someone being so embarrassed about losing a key that they’d go to all this trouble: gaslighting a partner, secretly taking away their key, buying a new lock?

When you could just say “Ah shit, I’ve lost my key… don’t worry I’ll change the locks”.

sodthesodoff · 09/06/2023 10:24

JorisBonson · 09/06/2023 10:19

My DH has all manner of things in his garage. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he magicked up a new lock from somewhere. Seems to me you're overthinking this.

My dad too. However plenty of guys don't and my ex dh wouldn't know which end was which on a screwdriver.

I presume the op knows which camp her husband falls into. And she says it's unlike him to have a random spare door lock lying around.

Op you haven't mentioned the 'tight for you' and not us comment

But it does seem strange it's all premeditated. And stranger still that most explanations (lost his key, lent it to someone innocuous) are things he should be able to tell you about in a normal relationship. I wouldn't expect lying and gas lighting for someone losing their key surely.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/06/2023 10:24

Is he asking you to pay to change the lock?

RudsyFarmer · 09/06/2023 10:38

Could he be trying to cover up his own behaviour because he’s worried his losing cognitive ability? Do he uses to be organised and is known for it but lately he’s been forgetful and he’s worried he might not be well?

DingsBum · 09/06/2023 10:40

Didn't you already post about this?

ThursdayFreedom · 09/06/2023 10:42

JorisBonson · 09/06/2023 10:19

My DH has all manner of things in his garage. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he magicked up a new lock from somewhere. Seems to me you're overthinking this.

@JorisBonson

in what way is she overthinking it?

her DH is clearly gaslighting her, the only question now, is why??

Chickenwing2 · 09/06/2023 10:44

Sit him down and ask him outright. You used it to get into the house so it had to be still in the house.

JauntyJinty · 09/06/2023 10:44

Just thinking - if he's the handy type who can change a barrel himself it's odd he would say how expensive it would be.

If you have to call someone out to do it yes it's expensive, but if you're doing yourself a quick google tells me it's a maximum £40. Obviously I don't know OPs financial situation and £40 isn't inconsequential to most of us, but when I hear people speaking about "that'll be expensive" I assume £100s at least!

I think you would have mentioned OP, but I don’t suppose his tone of voice was jokey? Like “Oh no, this’ll be Realllllyy expensive” while he toddles off to the shed to get the lock he knows is already there for free?

dinmin · 09/06/2023 10:51

Such a weird approach when he could have just got a new one cut for you, unless he’s worried it was taken by someone who knows where you live which in itself would require an explanation…

Original poster
Oreoo · 09/06/2023 10:53

Spoke to him this morning he says the barrel lock is from the rental house and he googled how to fit it which makes sense. It's the same door style. We have discussed it, he sometimes locks the door while DD plays out. His hearing is bad so DD will have to knock a lot. I think DD has taken the key she knows which one it is. Has lost it then is scared of getting into trouble because she's worried about the cost. I've told DH to leave the door open if she plays. DH keys are all there and DD doesn't have one yet.
I think it makes sense it's DD.

OP posts:
SistersNotCisters · 09/06/2023 10:57

This is bizarre. He took your key for no reason? Where did your or his key go? He had a new lock ready?

Something is fishy as fk and I would think seriously about getting a hidden battery powered camera unit outside watching the door. I use the Blink system from Amazon which is motion sensored and works on your WiFi. Who else has a key for the house? Who is coming and going when you're not in?

YoucancallmeKAREN · 09/06/2023 10:57

He has given a key to someone and is now in a panic. You know he has taken your key now you need to ask who he had given a spare key to and why did he give them it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/06/2023 11:00

If the door is normally open til bedtime why on earth would he lock it while dd is playing out?

How old is dd?

SeeingSpots · 09/06/2023 11:01

Oreoo · 09/06/2023 10:53

Spoke to him this morning he says the barrel lock is from the rental house and he googled how to fit it which makes sense. It's the same door style. We have discussed it, he sometimes locks the door while DD plays out. His hearing is bad so DD will have to knock a lot. I think DD has taken the key she knows which one it is. Has lost it then is scared of getting into trouble because she's worried about the cost. I've told DH to leave the door open if she plays. DH keys are all there and DD doesn't have one yet.
I think it makes sense it's DD.

How old is DD.

I find it odd that the door is unlocked u til bedtime but now you're saying he locks it whilst she's out playing, that's odd behavior especially if he can't hear her and she doesn't have her own key.

It's also odd that your first thought was it had to be DH not DD, there must be a reason you didn't think it was her initially.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 09/06/2023 15:37

I'm really struggling to understand the OP and the updates 😳

Whataretheodds · 09/06/2023 15:41

Also not understanding why your daughter should be locked out while she plays out, and is left to stand and knock for ages?

recoveryvehicle · 09/06/2023 15:45

Would DD be able to get the key off the key ring?

I think he has given your key to someone for whatever reason and they haven't returned it.

Seas164 · 09/06/2023 15:46

Let's say that the key wasn't removed, it fell off. Why isn't your first thought to nip down to Timpsons and get another cut for a fiver, rather than changing the barrell and issuing the whole family with new keys.

Or why he thinks it will be expensive, when he knows he's got one spare ready to go.

The only reason we would change a door lock, would be if someone has a key and we don't want them to, or if the lock was broken. Otherwise it makes no sense.

JimnJoyce · 09/06/2023 15:53

None of that explains his behaviour though

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