I'm worried he doesn't love me..

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I've got myself into a right mess at the moment.
Feels very emotional & just don't know what's going on.
My gut is telling me that I'm being anxious but my head is telling me that he just doesn't love me anymore.
Things have become very distant over the last couple of weeks.
He has explained what's getting to him, which I fully understand all his points but there's just something niggling that he just doesn't love me.
I've asked him to be honest if he's falling out of love with me & the question is always avoided - do I take that as a yes or no?
To make matters a little more sensitive, it will be our 6th wedding anniversary on 17th of this month.
Any ideas on what I can do? Any reassuring words?

⋆ Please be kind - I'm feeling very vulnerable at the moment ⋆

How does he manage to avoid answering the direct question?

Being blunt not much you can do if he is.

What you can do is carry on being you and believe he is fucking lucky to have you.

I think if someone can't resolutely reassure their wife that they are still in love with them (and not falling out of love with them) then yes there is likely to be a problem sadly

I’m so sorry. This has happened to me before twice. The first time it turned out to be true, my other half had met someone else and my gut feeling was correct.
the second time (diff partner) it was me blowing things up - maybe because of the previous time- but also him being very stressed at work and possibly depressed.
it got to the point where I was going to end it as I just didn’t feel loved and this kickstarted huge changes from us both but mainly him, and things are really good now and it wasn’t that he was out of love with me at all.
what I’m trying to say is trust your instincts that something isn’t right but it may not be what you think, however not feeling loved and worrying is horrible and I would not suffer in silence but explain you can’t live like that and something needs to change.

This is very distressing for you op but usually, the very worst thing to do in these situations is to keep asking questions and almost demanding that he talks to you about this.

Men just don’t respond well to that imho.

As pp said, you can’t change his thoughts or feelings, so just focus on yourself for a bit, make sure you are busy and going out with your own friends a lot, do things which give your self confidence a boost and give you pleasure and be slightly less physically and emotionally available to him yourself.

The worse thing you can do is chase him
or appear distraught in any way. Give him headspace and then you decide independently of him whether or not the quality of relationship that he is offering you is up to your standards or not. Or do you deserve more which I suspect you very much do!

He has explained what's getting to him, which I fully understand all his points
Do you mean that he's criticising you?

If a man is acting distant with his wife, and criticising her - blaming any issues on her - then that's not very nice even if he does love her.

Walk away. His non answer is the answer. Don't hurt yourself anymore.

I've never felt like this before.
I'm heartbroken.
Having panic attacks & it's just getting me down.

Is he criticising you?
Don't concentrate on faults in yourself even if he does claim that is the issue. We all have faults. Faults don't suddenly make a husband of 6 years cold and distant over a period of weeks.

From your original comments, it is harsh to tell what is going on so no one can reassure you.

However, if he has said something outside of you is going on and he's withdrawing whilst he processes it. Then, that is a typical response for some people, and it doesn't mean he's falling out of love with you. If he's criticising you or blaming you for his behaviours, that is an issue. But it is an issue that can be worked on with couples counselling.

The above response ways you're very anxious and when we are anxious and fear the worse we often miss and misread signs that everything is OK and might even see them as signs something is wrong. Can you have help with your anxiety? Could you do things that help you cope and ground yourself? If you are a generally anxious person, then I would suggest maybe counselling for you or if he has any mental wellbeing dips, maybe couples counselling even if there's nothing going on between you. It might help you understand and support each other through "bad patches" in a marriage.

If he's criticising you or blaming you for his behaviours, that is an issue. But it is an issue that can be worked on with couples counselling.
If he was blaming her for his behaviour to throw her off the scent of an affair then couples counselling would be a waste of time, mind.

Agree that we'd need to know more details about his behaviour and what "He has explained what's getting to him" means.

Okay so..

He has been working really hard recently due to someone leaving at work & all the work has now been piled on him.

He has explained that he is fed up with our daughters not caring about the house & trashing it. They're 10 & 8, I do admit they are lazy & need to start doing simple chores to help around the house.

He is fed up with coming in from work & cooking for everyone.
This is something he has always done but now it has become an issue.

I explained that there is no structure anymore due to him shutting himself away now as soon as he has done dinner & goes to watch TV in our bedroom. We don't spend any time as a family downstairs.

I don't know if it's my paranoid head playing games again but I feel like there is more to it.
I have been cheated on in the past & now cause I have gained weight (& I am unhappy with my appearance) I'm worried that he has started looking elsewhere possibly the women at work.
My sister in law, doesn't think he would do this due to also being hurt in the past?

I have had so many panic attacks today it's been horrible x

Why does he cook every night, can you not take it in turns and sometimes cook something to freeze, like a lasagne, or have a takeaway, so you have a night off?

It just sounds as though he is preoccupied and overwhelmed at the moment. He may well feel unloved and taken for granted.

He sounds overwhelmed & it might be nothing to do with your relationship. Best assume that for now and see what can be done about the things he’s been honest about. Can you take some of his workload & pick up dinner? Get the kids tidying up with a pocket money bribe?

I imagine he is overwhelmed.
I do try to do things but he just says he'll do them? I wouldn't say it's every single night he does dinner but he does do the majority due to his allergies & being worried about different foods touching each other & making him unwell (even though I am always super careful).

I think he possibly does feel overwhelmed, but it's so hard to show him love when he is always hiding away upstairs.

With that kind of thing he has also pushed me away.
No sex, no cuddles or kisses for a good few weeks now.
An yes I know it's not always everything but I also feel unwanted.
I'll go to bed & he'll turn his back to me which hurts like hell.

I have tried the pocket money bribe with them but they just never seem to see it though & I get fed up with asking so I end up doing it myself or he will do it.

OP - it sounds like you’re making this about you when perhaps it’s not about you. It sounds like his life is a bit thankless - he’s working loads, cooking most nights, probably exhausted and now he has to worry about your feelings. Do you work? Is there stuff you could be doing to lighten the load? (Perhaps you’re already doing heaps - it just doesn’t sound that way). But don’t refer to your DCs as lazy. They’re young yet. 8 and 10 is a very good age to get them involved in chores.

Oh for gods sake;here goes people expecting a woman to be the sacrificial lamb ;Oh what a poor man he is doing one thing when he comes home from work to contribute to the daily household grind;then he gets to shut himself away whilst OP does everything else.

A man needs to contribute more than just a bloody pay packet to his family;if he lived alone he'd have to make himself dinner anyway.

The kids are 8&10;they are children and no they don't care much about the state of the house at that age.

The crux of the matter is that he's checked out of family life and is blaming other people for his behaviour;we all have issues in life and yes work can be stressful but it doesn't give him an excuse to treat his family badly.

I'd be suspicious in your position too OP. I'd wonder if he really did have more work. My exh had loads of "overtime" and "business trips" that were no such thing, and developed a sudden interest in inane TV shows he knew I hated so he could sit alone in the living room chatting to his gf. I don't think that having experienced cheating inoculates you against cheating yourself. You could just as easily argue that it becomes normalised: it feels like everyone could do it, it's not just limited to obvious playboys.

If he's innocent and exhausted, then he should go to HR and the doctor and sort the situation out instead of taking it out on you and his children. Parenting, cooking and work are tiring but not an excuse for stonewalling. His daughters are messy so he's avoiding them, instead of parenting them? How's that supposed to help?

A partner gaining weight is not an excuse for cheating or stonewalling. If you stop finding someone attractive, you can still treat them kindly. If you fall for someone new, you choose to act on the feeling, and you choose to treat your dp pleasantly or poorly. Gaining weight does not inevitably cause your partner to treat you like crap.