Being told I’m fat/ big after giving birth

[NoMoreMeanTalkPls]

Feel hurt and wanting to rant a bit:

Both my mum and husband keep telling me I’m now bigger than before.

My mum is much harsher and up front tells me I looked slimmer while pregnant. I was lucky and didn’t gain much weight on my limbs. I know I have a thicker waist line and a tummy now. I still fit most of my pre-pregnancy clothes but not the ones I bought more than 5 years ago. She keeps telling me I need to exercise more and loose weight just 1 month after birth and has not stopped since then. For reference, my baby is not even a year old yet. I started work and need to juggle all the new demands on me. I don’t need all this criticism right now. My mum helps a lot with taking care of my baby all
the time. But still, I could do without the shaming.

My husband keeps making jokes about me being larger now and that he can’t pick me up with one arm anymore. He’s got a big gut and I never poke fun at him like that. I carried and gave birth to a human being. That’s a lot better reason than him just liking food. Why can’t we just all being kinder to one another?!?!

😞😞

Ps my mum also commented on my weight and needing more to come off my tummy after my baby was born, now I'm slimmer and my breast milk supply has dropped she's telling me to eat more and that I lost weight too fast! Mothers!

This is not okay OP.
Your body is different now after growing a person. Many women find their shape is changed for good even if they go back to pre pregnancy weight. A decent husband wouldn’t care about this because of the beautiful child born. A decent mother should understand how hard it can be feeling comfortable in the post pregnancy body.
Maybe the weight you need to lose is them.

I would go nuclear on this. Both if them are being bloody rude. So sorry OP

You need to lay down the law. Tell them it is not acceptable to point out your appearance like that.

DH is just as bad as your Mum, just slightly more jokey and subtle. Sometimes that is worse.

Honestly, when someone has a parent that thinks this is OK, I get concerned about their general attitude and how it might affect that person. If they are a toxic parent (might not be, but this is a big red flag), then I would be concerned that they might put up with toxic behaviour from friends and partners.

Best way to tell if a person is toxic is to see how they respond to you, putting down a boundary. If you say, "It is my body and health. You do not get a say in how I handle it" and they get angry or react badly in anyway. Then you need to consider how you handle them very carefully, social media has some great stuff on boundaries, toxic or narcissistic people, although Brene Brown is my favourite. It there is counselling

Absolutely this. Shame on them both. I'd be calling them out on their behaviour it's completely unacceptable and super hurtful

I'd also show them this thread

I was going to suggest the same.

The truly shit way people treat the ones they’re supposed to love, never fails to depress me.

That’s something I can totally imagine my mum saying too! I get very frustrated. I love her but just wishes she could keep her comments to herself. Everyone says she’s super nice but that’s just because she says yes to everyone and saves the mean remarks for her own daughters. Claims it’s because she wants the best for us and that only those that truly love you will tell you the hard truths….

Maybe I should. I never thought about doing that. It just seems so mean.

This. Both are fucktards. Make a negative comment about her appearance too. How bloody rude!!

Poke it and say "Awww no wonder it looks so little under all that!"
Imagine growing a baby and then looking at his belly made out of complete flab, and it's mouthpiece degrades you.
Grim.

Also, solidarity when it comes to a mother who doesn't support you. Ten years down the same line - off is where she can fuck.

Do it, maybe he will finally get the hint!

I can totally relate on the mother situation unfortunately @NoMoreMeanTalkPls.

Your DH sounds like an absolute arse to be honest. Completely agree with everyone else that you need to say something to him. I’d be telling mine that this was his one warning to stop and if he continued with any of the shitty comments I’d be leaving.

As for your mother - I know having childcare on hand is really convenient but it’s honestly not worth it. You don’t need to be hearing that shit constantly and your child certainly doesn’t need to grow up hearing constant comments about weight and appearance. I’d be finding alternative childcare and letting her know that’s why.

But extreme to cut out the closest people in your life because they’re concerned about her health?! Yes they’re being a bit mean but your response is was way over the top

The only weight you need to lose is those two ass holes!

@SunflowerTed

But extreme to cut out the closest people in your life because they’re concerned about her health?! Yes they’re being a bit mean but your response is was way over the top

I have a very low tolerance for cunts these days.

Yes, they are being mean and totally out of line.
Your shape can change while your weight stays the same.
You will take a couple of years to be back to your prebirth shape, if ever, even if you exercise and eat with set aims.

And it is completely your choice to be as fat or thin as you like and to love your own look..

Fight fire with fire. it’s time to stand up to your bullies and don’t worry about being mean. It certainly doesn’t bother them.

’I’ve just had a baby. What’s your excuse?’
’When’s yours due?’
’You look like you’re having a food baby’
’Could be worse. I could have inherited your enormous back side’
’I definitely got your genes, mother’
’I admire your nerve - I’m impressed you’re able to say that with a straight face given the shape of you’
’People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones’
’Still in better shape than you, darling/mum’

Or the slightly less confrontational:

’You’re right. I have gained some weight. That’s what women do during pregnancy. It looks like you’ve packed on a few sympathy kilos. Shall we start eating more healthily?’

I agree with this.

If I'm being charitable maybe they think they are being helpful, but they are actually being extremely thoughtless. You've had a baby, our body shape changes as a result, it's natural and they are being twats!

Hard truths? Maybe tell her the hard truth that she's a vindictive bat to keep saying this to you...

She and your H should be your supporters, not your detractors .

.

I would take the exact opposite (but probably equally petty) approach with DH.

"You're right! I am overweight! And so are you! I think you are spot on we should go on a diet! I am so excited we're in this together! So I was thinking on Sunday we sit down together and we plan the week ahead with less calories. I was thinking a few big salads but let me know if you have any great mains under 800kc!"

And so on. With not a hint of angry, just cheerful obliviousness. Relentlessly. And then he either backtracks and shuts up or, you know, we both end up looking slimmer.

To your mum: "I know, I keep telling DH we should go on a diet!! You should talk to him too, maybe, he doesn't seem to know yet what mains under 800kc he wants to add to our week menu."

And so on.

Tell them to stop OP. Shut it down.

Mother: I don’t want to hear one more comment about my weight/body from you ever again. If you do, you will not be welcome here again. Is that clear?

DP: That is the last comment I am going to tolerate from you about the change in my weight/body shape after having our baby. Do you understand?

Don’t smile. Don’t fill any silences in. Don’t get drawn into a discussion. Don’t reply to any ‘but I was only’...or other deflecting crap.
Repeat if necessary, keep eye contact, keep asking if it’s clear until they say yes. You can then say ‘good I’m glad that’s clear’ and get on with the day.

What twats they are OP.
Give them this hard boundary.
💐

Shocking behaviour. Call them.out every time