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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do I feel so disheartened

2 replies

canitbesimple · 08/06/2023 12:40

Long story tried to make short

i met my ex partner 2015 and granted it was a very toxic situation when we were younger including DV and him sleeping with a hooker…we were on and off for years after everything and officially split in 2017 for almost a year and dated other people after that we got back together again on and off until 2020 we got back together and amazingly our relationship was a lot better. However sadly in 2021 we ended up having 3 miscarriages in 5 months and the relationship hit a rock. Granted his efforts with minimal and his support was next to none.

we began arguing a lot due to me being unable to cope with the pregnancy losses. He went on a stag do and spent a huge amount of money (I mean £1,000+ in a strip club) and this was the final straw. I moved out and got my own place. He moved to AUS himself, this was the end of 2021/beginning of 2022. He’s still been in contact with my brother regarding work but we have had no contact since I moved out.

After he had been in AUS 6 months he met a new girl and I’ve just been told he’s now having a baby and they’re getting married. I myself have been with someone a few months however I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt by hearing that my ex partner has a child on the way and getting married. He never ever wanted to get married we discussed it a lot so this was the biggest surprise especially since we had been on and off for almost 6 years. I feel like it’s a huge chapter that is now closed even though I know I wouldn’t get back with him I just feel sad by it. Maybe I’m jealous he has a baby now when I’ve went on to have another 2 pregnancy losses.

Is this normal the sadness I feel about it all? I don’t miss him I just feel sad he has that live with someone else if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Shoutatthewind · 08/06/2023 13:06

yeah that sucks. But people change their minds all of the time on marriage and babies. The reason it hurts is because you thought you two were going to be it, baby and all. But after so many breakups, which really hurt each time, with you finally setting fantastic boundaries up, its bound to hurt. Allow him to move on. And perhaps ask your brother not to feed you whatever your ex is doing as this information is hurting you.

I had to let someone I really loved go due to their selfish ways. We did have a baby together and our families were intertwined through business, so I always heard how great he was doing, how amazing his GF was that is now his wife. It really hurt at the time so I get it.
Today I can honestly say that I am so happy for him, I think the world of his DW as she is a good person and has always treated our daughter with such love. But it took me years to get over him. Your feelings are also normal, just try and show yourself more care and empathy.

frozendaisy · 08/06/2023 13:19

I was someone for 6 years turned down their marriage proposal, almost laughed at the insanity that I thought marriage was.

Been married 17 years now.

It wasn't my previous partner at all. He is a good man. Decent, caring, deserved marriage. Just not to me.

It's not you OP. It's not.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

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