Friend

[bluepinksky]

I have a friend who I've know for a long time and I'm getting where I don't feel like she's a friend to me anymore by the way she behaves towards me like she's always trying to put me down in front of other people and then she's says she's joking. How do I deal with her?

An example is my job - I work in a project management role with vulnerable people - I don't want to give details that might out me. My salary is quite good and I will get a decent pension. But this friend is constantly making comments in front of people about my good salary eg Blue can afford to pay for us all as she's on big money. She is self employed and has family wealth, whereas I come from a poor family and I've worked all my life to get a comfortable lifestyle although we're not rich eg bed house with extension mortgage nearly paid and cars on PPI plans

How would you deal with her?

Why does she know how much you earn?

I also don't get why you think she's putting you down when she's doing the opposite. It's cheeky f**kery, yes, but not putting you down.

She knows my salary because she's nosey - she saw a similar job advertised

If she really values your friendship, you should be able to explain to her that her « banter » is upsetting and belittling and you’d like her to stop. If you do feel able to do this, or you feel she may take it badly, then you really have to wonder about how real this friendship is.

She's always inferring that my job is easy and I earn too much for what I do etc

Sorry I missed off 3 bed house

Will you lose friends by getting rid?

Can you circumvent her - perhaps over months - to forge friendships you might lose independently and then gradually get rid?

Shes fkg horrible incidentally.

@TheoTheopolis23 thanks that's what I'm thinking too.

My trouble is I don't always know how to respond to her jibes

We have several friends in common but I'm trying to slowly cut myself off from her

That's really horrible to be in that position. To be honest she sounds jealous of you.

It appears to me, she make those patronising comments to keep you in your place. She comes from a wealthy background and in her eyes she feels she's superior and wants to you to know it with her sneering comments

How dare she say you get paid too much for your role - its none of her business what salary you are on. I would point that out very clearly - Tell her she won't understand how your business works as she has no experience in that field, so don't talk about things you don't understand

She is not a friend! She is actually someone to be avoided.

@bjrce thank you. I've wondered if it's because she's threatened by me too, in her eyes I've done well without the benefit of family money

I'm glad it's not just me thinking she's not a good friend

"Well I think it's blues friend turn to pay, she can afford it because of her inheritance." Play her back at her own game. She'll soon think shit.

@MeMyCatsAndMyBooks 🤣

She's not your friend...

A snide comment once or twice from a long term friend and I’d give them the benefit of the doubt, however this sounds like more than that and not nice at all.

Have the conversation with her if you feel the relationship is worth saving but I suspect if you did she would play the victim and say you were being too sensitive (I hope I’m wrong in your case but I’ve been in a similar situation myself unfortunately).

If she is making you uncomfortable she is not a good friend and I would fade her out of your life, if she realises and challenges you to why maybe then tell her otherwise move on and avoid the drama.

Other friends will realise who the problem is BTW and it’s not you 😕

You don't "deal" with her, you end the relationship. This friendship is over.

Blue she sounds toxic, you don't need her in your life.

Thanks everyone. You've made me realise it's not me and that I need to detach myself from her

@Back21970 that's what she does if I try to pick her up on what she says - she'll say it's only banter, having a laugh and that I need to toughen up

A friend should make you feel safe and not make you feel silly or uncomfortable in front of other people. A real friend would never do that.

Definitely