Friendship changes after having a baby

[Sunnyseptember1]

I feel like I’ve lost one of my closest friends since becoming a mum.
I don’t have time for her like I used to.
I don’t call or reply to messages as often as I used to.
I cancel plans more.

She’s now ghosted me and given no reason for doing so and I feel like it’s because of the reasons I stated above. I feel awful because I love her and would hate to be the reason she feels under appreciated because she’s an amazing person and I feel blessed to have met her.
My son has only just turned 1 so I’m still in the thick of it. He is still waking every 2 hours and the constant tantrums drain me emotionally hence me being a rubbish friend!
Any advice on how to salvage a friendship like this? I can’t just go back to the old me but I want her to be part of this ‘new’ me.
Or should I just accept that we have grown apart and leave her to it?

She's now ghosted me and given no reason for doing so... I think the reasons are right there:

I don’t have time for her like I used to.
I don’t call or reply to messages as often as I used to.
I cancel plans more.

Your life will change once you have children so you both either have to accept that and work with the difference lifestyles or accept that you are currently at difference stages in your life and need to find new friends who are in the same place.

Surely if it’s that important and long-standing a friendship there’s a bit of leeway for a fallow period? I mean, you don’t need to make some kind of move now. I’ve stepped away from friendships for a year or more, and we’ve resumed on close terms.

Don’t let your friendship die without trying to clear the air.

It’s true that some people do expect too much of new parents being able to socialise, and don’t realise that things have changed and they will have to settle for less attention from their friends.

On the other hand, some parents completely stop making any kind of effort at all and completely check out of all their old friends. And it’s understandable that friends feel slighted when this happens.

There is a middle ground which reflects the fact that your life has changed forever, but where you can still show your friend that you value them. It’s not much effort to reply to a text or send a voice note. And to be proactive in trying to arrange get-togethers. Or even just sending thoughtful messages asking how they are. She will know that you’re overwhelmed, and appreciate it even more.

My advice is to try and clear the air - send her a note to tell her what you have said here, acknowledge that despite being busy you know you have taken her for granted, and ask if she will let you pick things up - while still acknowledging that you can’t commit the time you used to. Good luck.

I love her and would hate to be the reason she feels under appreciated because she’s an amazing person and I feel blessed to have met her.

Tell her this OP. I feel for you, many of my friends have now drifted away too, it can be very lonely

Maybe she thought you’d ghosted her first by not replying to messages or calling her. ?

I understand that you can't go out as easily like you used to, but what's stopping you from calling her or texting her more? Can your partner look after the baby and you take her out for dinner and drinks? I understand the tiredness, I have a 16 month old, but I've not really spoken to my friends less. Sometimes I have to make a concerted effort to force myself out when I'm tired, but I really enjoy it when I get out.

If you speak to her and make the effort, hopefully it'll all be okay. It'd be such a shame to lose such a good friend