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Original poster

My boyfriend told me he was paying for sex

21 replies

Tsumum · 07/06/2023 21:07

My boyfriend told me that his first two times having sex were purely transactional with older women when he was 18 "he said he gave them money to spend so they would have sex" he said he only done it twice on two separate occasions what should I do is this a cause for concern for my relationship or should I let It go

OP posts:
toddlermom99 · 07/06/2023 21:08

How old is he now? Tbh, I wouldn't like that at all - but he was only a teenager.

Grumpigal · 07/06/2023 21:14

It’s not great but then he was 18, he was probably shy / inexperienced and just wanted it over with.

It really depends on the rest of his personality, if he’s otherwise a respectful, mature and kind person I’d be willing to put my “icky” feelings aside and write it off as the past - which honestly doesn’t have anything to do with you.

If however there were other flags in his personality which suggests he would still be happy to use a sex worker now (presumably he’s much older than 18 these days) then I’d probably end the relationship.

Original poster
Tsumum · 07/06/2023 21:18

hes 21 years old now he is fully against paying for sex and he said the first time it was an older woman high 30s he was 18 she asked him for money and said that she would sleep with him and after that he felt as though he had already paid for sex and wouldn't be able to get a real girlfriend so he found another girl who did sugar dating with older men and gave her money and spent money on her to get sex

OP posts:
bibbityboppityboo · 07/06/2023 21:36

Have you posted this before? If not there's been quite a few really similar threads recently with lots of good advice on, might be worth a search?

Original poster
Tsumum · 07/06/2023 21:44

no but I read through that one but I feel like its different because it was one time with that person

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 08/06/2023 06:37

Sex is transactional for him. At the moment he’s presumably not having to pay for it but I suspect he’d do it again if it was more convenient. Urgh.

Veryverycalmnow · 08/06/2023 06:47

It would be an issue for me if he is thinking of sex as a transaction. How does he feel about it now? I would find it creepy.

Original poster
Tsumum · 08/06/2023 08:24

He says he doesn't agree with it anymore and regrets it after the first time he said he felt that he wouldn't be able to find a real girlfriend and that because he had done it once it was over for him in terms of dating so he did it again. But I do believe he is telling me the truth because he could've easily lied

OP posts:
HappiDaze · 08/06/2023 08:32

At least he's honest

Handyfoot · 08/06/2023 08:45

you say he’s 21 now. Has he had any girlfriends between these encounters and you?

What work has he done on his self esteem? How long have you been together? Does he need regular validation and/or smoke blowing up his arse?

His honesty is refreshing however to pay someone for sex because he didn’t think he would get a girlfriend opens up so many questions. For example I could not pay someone to have sex with me, because you are buying consent - to me this is tantamount to rape - why did he feel it was okay to buy consent? I value myself and recognise paying someone to have sex with me would LOWER my self esteem. It would make me feel worse about myself. Some people do this deliberately when they feel bad about themselves. If so would he do this again if you argued for example?

How is he with confrontation? Saying how he feels about things. Is he a people pleaser? Does he read these ridiculous red pill websites? What are his thoughts on Andrew Tate?

I would be cautious for sure. I am coming at this from being in my 40s. I am assuming you are early 20’s. If you were my dd I wouldn’t be happy though.

Original poster
Tsumum · 08/06/2023 08:48

Im his first girlfriend he said that he took time away from girls to work on himself increase his own self esteem and change his attitudes towards women because after the first time he said he felt worthless and that all of his value lay in his money and not in him as a person so with the second girl he said he just showered her with money and was prepared to pay for stuff because he thought that was all a girl would want him for

OP posts:
Handyfoot · 08/06/2023 08:55

So where did these odd thoughts about women come from? Who were his role models growing up? What specifically has he done to you notice his self esteem? Does he have female friends?

How did you two get together? Are you a similar age and do you have any vulnerabilities? What do you like about him?

sorry too many questions ! But it’s hard to comment without knowing so much more! He says it’s routed in self esteem but is there an element of entitlement too?

His honesty is refreshing but will he say ‘you knew what I was like?’.

Eckyftang · 08/06/2023 09:01

Tsumum · 07/06/2023 21:07

My boyfriend told me that his first two times having sex were purely transactional with older women when he was 18 "he said he gave them money to spend so they would have sex" he said he only done it twice on two separate occasions what should I do is this a cause for concern for my relationship or should I let It go

Was it as much of a concern when you posted this exact same tosh last week?

Get a life

Original poster
Tsumum · 08/06/2023 09:01

He said that these views about women started when the first girl asked him for money she was older than him and he was around 17/18 and in exchange she would give him sex that's how he lost his virginity and said that after that because his self esteem was already low he just thought that all that women wanted him for was money and material things although he said that he wasn't angry or nasty to women because of it he just accepted it but after the second girl he realised he had more to offer and changed his mindset and started working on himself we are both similar age swell

OP posts:
Original poster
Tsumum · 08/06/2023 09:05

tbh I couldn't find the thread and want second opinions seeing as we had another talk about It I couldn't find the login to my other account

OP posts:
Eckyftang · 08/06/2023 09:09

Tsumum · 08/06/2023 09:05

tbh I couldn't find the thread and want second opinions seeing as we had another talk about It I couldn't find the login to my other account

Why would you need to find it again? Your goady and entirely inaccurate thread title says it all.

He didn't pay directly for sex did he? Like as in an escort or prostitute... sorry to say but you seem very immature and definitely should let this go.

Eckyftang · 08/06/2023 09:11

Tsumum · 08/06/2023 09:05

tbh I couldn't find the thread and want second opinions seeing as we had another talk about It I couldn't find the login to my other account

Just an FYI...

When people preface anything with tbh it usually means they are lying...

Original poster
Tsumum · 08/06/2023 09:12

the first time was an older woman who was kind of using him the second time was with a girl who has a nail business but even if he didn't pay a prostitute he still paid so shouldn't that count for anything

OP posts:
firstmummy2019 · 08/06/2023 12:16

He didn't directly pay for sex though.

CaloundraBlues · 08/06/2023 13:13

How many user names do you have OP?

Original poster
Tsumum · 08/06/2023 14:53

@CaloundraBlues I made this account because I lost the password to my other one

OP posts:
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