3 months after being dumped no progress in fact worse

[1234ideclareathumbwars]

Hi,

I sound pathetic but I'm drowning in depression. Had relationship with a man for 3 years, dumped me over and over untill I have nothing left. Used and abused me and it's only now I'm seeing how shitty he really was. My therapist telling me he's emotionally abusing you I just couldn't see it.

3 months later l can see it. I'm in a very bad way ended up having break down at work.

I don't want him it's the hell he's put me through I feel worthless.

It's the fact it's been 3 month he's happy with an ex 😞 and I'm left to pick my self up, I feel so rubbish that its been three months I'm still in a state.

My relationship wasn't abusive though last year could probably be described as emotionally abusive. I'm 3 months in and worse too. I have finally accepted I need antidepressants. Maybe go and see the doctor

Happy with an ex, you know she will be living the hell you was in so no need for you to feel down about that, thank your stars it’s her and not you!!

These things just take time, yes it’s shit, and you feel shit, but time will eventually heal you. Try better to help yourself though, keep busy, exercise, take long baths, read, walk around the town and people watch, work or study harder, get yourself going, it’s always the first few steps that are the hardest, push through and you will start to feel better.

Just don’t go back to him!

It's been 4 months for me since I dumped my lying emotionally abusive cheating ex. I have got through it by joining a running club, applying for better paid jobs and generally just keeping myself busy. Have you gone no contact? You need to block him on all social media, whattsapp, block his phone number and his all family and friends too. Only when you go no contact will you move on quicker I promise you.

I was in a terribly emotionally abusive relationship around 6 years ago. I just wanted to let you know that it really does get better. I felt like I was drowning and had no way out. After therapy, and forcing myself to the gym 6 days a week, hill walking at the weekends, distancing myself from everything for a while, journaling & meditation I came out stronger than ever.

You’re better than he ever was OP. You can do this. Stay strong and know there is a better and stronger version of yourself within you . Xx

Yeah no contact but he's the one who's blocked me on every thing. Every time I tried to break free he begged and chased me. I'm now a shell of who I was .

He started looking on my LinkedIn page (tells you who's looked at your profile) so I've blocked him I never want to speak to him again or see him yet I'm missing him and dealing with a million whys and every thing else.

My friends are annoyed at me because they seem to think I should be just over him so I feel like what is wrong with me 3 months I should be over it but I loved him so much and he used me in every way money love sex and then called me crazy.

I'm in therapy my therapist could see what he was doing be for I did.

I'm doing lots applying for new jobs, trying to focus on studying. Doing things on weekend.

I just have lost all my worth and confidence and feel so down constantly.

Thanks for all you kind words.

@Houghmot I won't go back to him.

I hate him I don't understand how some one can hurt you after they did all the chasing

It's a power game. They like the chase.

3 months is nothing. It takes as long as it takes. Everyone's healing time is different. Part of the reason my healing is moving fast is because in the end I couldn't even bare sitting in the same room as my ex, hugging him made me feel really uneasy. When he was gone I felt free, no more walking on eggshells in my own home. I also got in the habit of watching lots of self healing clips on instagram which helped a lot. I promise you this time next year you will feel a lot better. Don't give in to him in any shape or form. Surround yourself with your loved ones and the best relationship you can have right now is with yourself. Learn to love yourself, do what you want to do. People are here temporarily, you are with you forever x

You sound like me a month ago.

I want you to know it absolutely does get better.

It may help, it may not, but look up narcissistic abuse. I found information on it by chance and it made my whole situation make so much more sense, which helped me immensely.

Today I found the strength to report the sexual abuse to the police. Feel free to DM me if you need to. X

He spent 3 years abusing you, so it will take a while for you to rebuild yourself. It will get better, it took me ages to get over my abusive relationship, just when I thought I'd cracked it, I'd have a dip and felt I'd be miserable forever.
Give yourself time, honestly, you will feel better I promise x

@Weeviking that's what I've been Googling I'm crippled that every thing on narcissist abuse he did to me only thing he didn't do was physically hit me.

Gas lighting love bombing trianglation I feel sick to the core. I look back it was so obvious but I genuinely believed he loved me

@11234ideclareathumbwars I feel you.

My relationship ended in January after 3 years too.

It's so hard to get your head round how someone can do that to you for so long. My ex was a covert so nobody saw it coming.

I promise you it will get better.

@Weeviking thank you I would DM but I'm completely clueless on how to lol

Thanks every body. I try and talk to friends and they roll there eyes just wanting me to get on and it's all I want too. But I feel so depressed

@121234ideclareathumbwars I think you need to be on desktop site rather than app?

I know what you mean about friends though, have you confided in them that the relationship was abusive?

I know people will wonder why you want him back when it was, but it's all part of the trauma bond that these abusers create.

@Weeviking I'll have a look.

They just say I need to move on and I'm too good for him. And I completely get that. They just don't understand. There was so much control he watches me on cctv and stuff like that things I didn't no was happening.

He's back with his ex. She cheated on him.

And now they are back together happy

It's the none of it makes sense. All I ever did was be kind. But last 6 months I was so down and he said he was sick of me crying and it wasn't fun any more dumped me.

8 weeks later begged me back saying alsorts so I backed down because I loved him. Then 8 weeks later he dumped me and blocked me for good.

Now they are back together he was probs messing us both about.

My head feels as tho it's about to explode with lies and manipulation

I promise you, the majority of us have been through that grieving period that you think you will never come out of - waking up with that heavy anxious feeling in your stomach, having no joy in anything. But if you you were happy before him - you CAN be that happy again, even if it feels like you're in the depths of it right now and words/reassurance won't help. My advice would be no contact completely, delete all references/photos of him (if you can't then put it in a folder somewhere and hide it until you're ready to delete), accept that you will feel crummy for a while longer (3 months isn't that long - your brain will still be processing) and put as much energy into self-care and finding something that you can invest time in (studying for a qualification for example). You'll be ok, OP. He sounds like an unhinged arse. I know how horrible it is.

3 months isn’t very long after 3 years lovely
we have all been there
as everyone says 💯 no contact and do all the therapy and exercise possible

if friends don’t understand post here

just keep trucking and have faith x

If you think he’s narcissistic, I highly recommend looking up Caroline Strawson. She’s an expert in narcissistic abuse recovery. She does some online seminars (some are free) and a podcast, well worth checking out. There’s a Facebook group too. There’s a lot of harm from this kind of relationship. Talking therapy is good but doesn’t always delve deep enough. She shares lot of resources that can help.
My username came from the moment I realised my (now ex!) husband was abusing me…you’re not alone. You can recover and be better. Remember he may seem happy with the ex/back with her, but fundamentally he’s never happy, that’s their default setting. Once you realise that, it’s quite freeing.

@1234ideclareathumbwars
You are giving this man way too much thought. Friends do not want to hear a catalogue of each and every thing that he did to you. It is sufficient to say that he caused you pain and that you are no longer together. You may say that he cheated if that is the case. I don't think that people get to invested in hearing about emotional abuse. Simply saying that" he caused me a great deal of pain" covers a multitude of sins. They are not going to care that he was or was not a narcissist or any other psychological term that you may wish to apply. They will simply accept that you are their friend and he caused you great pain

You do nor to try and analyze him. You have given him enough time and head space. His current level of happiness or unhappiness is no longer your concern and should be of no interest to you.

Save your need to discuss him for your therapist, and instead tell your friends about the positive things that you are doing to develop new interests.

Even the best of friends do not want to continue to take strolls down misery lane with you, and your new identity should not be " John's unhappy ex."

He is gone, and the only person stopping you from building a new life is you. He is no longer the obstacle.
You can decide to move forward, or you can create a shrine to your misery. The choice is yours.

This may not help but ...

"It's the fact it's been 3 month he's happy with an ex 😞 "

A man that gets off on emotionally abusing partners will never be happy. He doesn't have it in him. Deep-set personality problems that more than likely go back to childhood. So please don't worry about him being happy while you recover from his abuse. Just look after yourself and look forward to feeling better and using the knowledge you have now to keep that kind of man out of your life. There are others out there who are kind and not deranged.

Also, you don't sound pathetic at all. He's put you through the wringer and he sounds incredibly fucked up and to be avoided at all costs. Not your fault. His.