Dh can only be in the present

[Ohdostopwafflinggeremy]

Realised that dh can only talk about things that are present. His ability to talk/discuss/plan for the future is almost zero. Things like vacations, what to do while the kids are off school for weeks now, house/garden renovations, retirement etc. I don't mean making definite plans just chatting about things in the future.
He doesn't have any stories about his past either. Talking to the kids and relaying stories about my childhood/teenage years, dh doesn't seem to be able to join in.
He can only really talk about his job, and manages to bring his job into most other subjects too.
Is it just mine?
I think he has always been this way, just starting to notice, after 25 years! (maybe I'm just a bit slow on the uptake 🙄)

I'm actually not brave enough to let dh handle things, especially things like our ONE vacation. The kids and I look forward to this every year and the thought of them ( and me) having a rubbish time isn't worth me letting dh take the reigns.

If you haven't tried fishing or camping how do you know you don't like it? I'd be tempted to go along with it!

I'll admit I often defer planning to DP, however the suggestions I make are shot down so it just feels like a game of "guess what I want to do by a long process of elimination" rather than an opportunity to have some input.

He is in a very senior position at work, and I think I let things at home slide as i think he should be able to chill at home. Maybe I have let things slide a little too much though 🤔🤨😔

We have gone fishing and camping but only for a weekend here and there when the kids were small. 10-14 days in a tent with 2 teens would not end well🫨🫨

I think that this is your issue. You need to decide what is important to you and prioritise planning that, and stuff that is less important you let slide. So planning the holiday - I am planning the holiday on Friday night. Anyone who wants a say needs to either be there Friday night or tell me before what you want to do.

He genuinely may not care, or he may decide in future years to join in the planning.

"Unexpecteddrivinginstructor" that is how things are usually done, I make( every single decision )the decisions and ask for input, usually there is none, so it's always my way. That was fine when the kids were small and dh was away a lot, he just sort of slotted into our lives. Fast-forward 10+ years and he still just goes along with whatever. I have just started to realise and probably resent him for his lack of contribution. I don't think he sees the issue, he's still happy to go along with whatever I decide. I've created a monster 😳😭

I've created a monster!.... I don't think you're alone in slightly annoying behaviours getting worse and being pandered to so massively escalating.

It's also that he hasn't had to feel the consequences of his actions either. Winging it is all well and good within certain perameters. For example a beach day with the right basic stuff probs doesn't need planning within the hour. But you do need to make sure you have towels, swimware and have thought about food options. I suppose the worst that happens is you don't have a nice time or kids have a meltdown. But still why should that happen because he couldn't be arsed?

But then holiday childcare unfortunately does need planning, often to the last min. Because if you don't have it in place you can't work and unfortunately working is pretty essential for most of us!

Are they any ways you could leave planning to him and let him feel the consequences of his lack of action?