What are your marital problems?

[babasmama]

As the title says, what are the problems you have in your marriage?

I have been feeling very down this last few months with my marriage and I don't know whether to just give up or plod on.

Have been married for 4 years and have a 18 month old dd and a ds due in October

My husband and I fight constantly mostly over the fact he drinks and I'm against alcohol for the simple reason my father used to drink and it basically fucked up me and my siblings lives. I also used to drink gin every almost evening as a teen up until around 8 years ago before I met my husband. Anyway I hate alcohol now and the fact that when he gets drunk he gets violent and often hits me unprovoked.

When he's sober he's wonderful but that's absolutely no excuse to stay with him I can't just disregard the violence. I do all the cooking and cleaning, etc he's a very hands on dad and loves our daughter very much, he says he loves me but why would you raise hands to a person you love? This post is all over the place. Please please be kind in the comments but don't hold back on any advice

I really don’t think this is going to get better. I think you need leave and fast. It sounds like he has done it multiple times. You do not want your kids growing up in that environment. What happens if he gets drunk and hits them? You would be living in fear worrying about when he has his next drink. My brother was like that, literally would turn after a few drinks. Scary experience to witness.

when he gets drunk he gets violent and often hits me unprovoked This is not a 'marital problem', this is violent domestic abuse which is a crime.

Please start to think about leaving - you could contact Women's Aid as a first step Live Chat | Women's Aid Live Chat (womensaid.org.uk)

You deserve a safe home

Yup, the first time he hits you is the last time. This is a genuine LTB situation. Get out for your own and your children’s safety.

You poor thing. You need to leave hum

This is not a normal 'marital problem' and it won't get better. Ever. Leave while you're still breathing.

Divorce him. You deserve better than a violent man who is NOT a good man.

Please don't think you should stay for the kids because he dotes on your daughter. It is so bad for kids to be in a DV household even if they don't see it, they feel it's effect via the adults. She will look to you to know what a normal relationship is- do you want her to marry a man like how your husband treats you? If not then leave, but get advice and plan ahead how to do so safely xx
Good luck xxxxx

You said your father drinking fucjef up your lives
You know what you need to do. For you.. and for your child.

We know it's hard snd I'm really sorry that you have to go through this.

If you are able to get support please do.

when he gets drunk he gets violent and often hits me unprovoked.

have a 18 month old dd and a ds due in October

Please please get out. He could kill you and the baby. Let alone your beautiful 18-month-old and what lessons she is learning about relationships.

I went through it. He pushed me over onto the street at 7 months pregnant.
Best thing I ever did for me and my son was divorce him.

henis violent and you meed to leave.

but also this, I do all the cooking and cleaning, etc he's a very hands on dad and loves our daughter very much
how is he a very hands on father if he never feeds his child? Or never cleans up after or washes his child’s clothes? Thats a neglectful father.

Well, my marital problems seem pretty insignificant after reading your post op. That's absolutely terrible. You need to get yourself and your child out of this situation as safely and quickly as possible. You said yourself you had an awful childhood because of your father's drinking, don't let your child relive the same scenario. Have you got anywhere you can go short term?

A drunk violent man has no control. When he hits you he could kill you, or your baby, or your child. I lived with an alcoholic husband, I as lucky to get out alive.
Your job is to protect your children.
Go to a relative, call Women’s Aid, call the police and have him arrested but either he goes or you do. It’s as harsh as that and I’m sorry but this situation won’t get any better.

Never mind anyone else's marital problems, you are in a seriously abusive relationship and for the sake of your children and yourself you must leave this man.

Op all of the above please don't stay for the sake of the kids, I grew up in a dv household and I saw and heard things no child should and it does affect you in later life. Make a better life for all of you and leave him with his bottle.

Please tell your midwife they will know how to keep you safe x

I was about to come on and moan about my very insignificant issues with my dh but then I read your post and was horrified. These aren’t normal martial issues. It’s abuse and you must leave.

I absolutely cannot be with my DP if he drinks it's an agreement we both came to or I couldn't stay in the relationship. It took a few months of him protesting but now he's sober . I hope you get the strength to get out of this situation it's not just marital problems it's domestic abuse and women die every day . He could easily hit you on the temple or you could bang your head and die .