DH’s shorter and shorter fuse…

[Notsureanymore123]

Been with DH a long time. Late 40’s. Teenage kids. Marriage over the past couple of years hasn’t been great, mainly due to various (mainly external) strains and how we have handled them. We HAVE talked about this and are trying to make it work.

However, I feel increasingly it takes so little for him to lose his temper with me over the slightest thing. He’s never been great at managing his emotions - but over the past few years it’s escalated. He just screamed and shouted at me because I mistakenly adjusted the wrong setting on our smart meter (really not a big deal at all - and actually his fault because he told me which the wrong one was for - though of course he doesn’t remember this!) But he had a meltdown and when he fixed it said ‘there I’ve made it idiot proof now’.

I don’t know if it’s just a result of things being quite strained between us, or this gets worse with age, or if a man that has a temper like this just gets inevitably worse. ☹️Thoughts please

I am going through similar at the moment, which I posted about on another thread. My husband is now moving out. Other mumsnetters have pointed me in the direction of the Script, ticking off the stages made me open my eyes a bit

I’d suggest that you tell him that he books into counselling for his anger issues as you are considering leaving the marriage.

this seems like a theme - grumpy blokes turning nasty, it’s not OK and you don’t have to put up with being around a miserable prick

@FeelingLowLowLow - so sorry to hear. I have read about the script and thought it pertained to infidelity? I don’t think that’s the case here but of course, I wouldn’t be the first woman to say this. I will refresh my memory of the script.

@ArseMenagerie - I have tried to make this happen before. On occasion he has agreed to having some therapy but then other things get in the way of him actually doing it. When I suggested counselling for our marriage more recently he flat out refused - although that was said in the heat of an argument.

What is the script?

It's the pattern men follow when they have an OW. Search it on here, there are lots of threads.

He's abusive and abusing you.

Have you children,?

If they are around this, it is terribly damaging.

If you don't, start planning on getting out.

Ring Women's aid for a chat and support.

Sounds awful. And damaging to you and your kids.

I would go for therapy for yourself and untangle the whole thing for a better future for yourself and them.

You don't want to look back on your life living like this into forever.
Your future self will thank you. All the best OP. I did it and so can you....

‘there I’ve made it idiot proof now’.

Nasty fucker.....

He's the idiot for not being able to handle his emotions without lashing out. I bet he doesn't do it at work eh?

@Notsureanymore123
It is hard to say what is happening in this type of situation when there is only one perspective given. He flares and rages over small things, but without knowing how often similar small things occur no informed input can be given.

What is apparent is that both of you sound unhappy. Counseling would be a positive next step, but it is not something that you can force him to do.

If he won't seek joint assistance, then you are faced with deciding what your next steps will be. Only you know how much more of an investment that you want to make in this marriage.