Envying other families

[Bigwildorange]

I am seeking some advice on how to deal with feelings of envy/sadness and comparison around seeing other families on social media/out etc. DH and I have two children, DH has no contact with his family and sporadic contact with his mother. I have a tiny family, I am very close to my parents and speak to them/see them a few times a week. They adore their grandchildren. The rest of my family is tiny or family members have passed away. I am starting to feel so envious of seeing massive family gatherings on social media with cousins/aunties/siblings etc. I am aware that my parents are elderly (late 70’s) and when they pass away I’ll have hardly any family left. I feel bad for DCs as they have never had a strong bond with cousins etc. Seeking advice on how to deal with these feelings?

I feel the same except I don't have a DH or children either. All my extended family were crap, now mostly dead. I used to be close with my siblings but my brother has distanced himself. Only one nephew I see very little of. It's crap.

I know what you mean. We pleasant when we meet but kids at different life stages. Cousin is busy busy busy so its polite plesantries no more. I envy close families. It is what it is. I have tried. Nobody makes an effort now

Social media can be fake too though at times!

Can't understand what your moaning about. You are healthy, have healthy children, a partner and parents alive .

Just enjoy what you have you have more than alot of people.

These are not serious, life threatening problems. Just deal with it. We don't get everything we want in life.

As someone who suffered from secondary infertility for years, I would have been very envious seeing you with your 2 children out and about. Stop focussing on what you don't have and think about what you do - sounds to me like you really need to change your mindset from scarcity to abundance. There are lots of subliminals / guided meditations on youtube that could help you in the first instance. Also try gratitude journaling etc if you are looking to take positive steps to flip your thinking.

Social media is bollocks OP. No one shows the fall outs, squabbles, rivalries, estrangements...I'm convinced the more people are on it the less able people are to recognise their own luck/happiness.

I understand these feelings to an extent. My brother passed away and I don't have a close relationship with my family anymore. DH family are wonderful but we all live in different areas of the country. Everyone has their own struggles ans things they wish they could change. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with family and your own family unit. Focus on how lucky you are, make time for making special memories with your loved ones and building a strong friendship group. Turn off social media and live in the present. People only post the good on social media. I recently posted holiday photos of smiling children in front of stunning beaches. I didn't post the 4 year old screaming in the airport and telling me I was a massive bumhole for making him crush his pringles by looking at him the wrong way.....

I have a tiny family- orphan at 20, distant cousins I doubt I’ll speak to again- I have my sister and niece, nephew but we see each other so often that christmas, Easter etc, never feel special. However it’s one day- I have two healthy children and a great life. To dwell on the one thing I don’t have would be utterly time wasting!

You have parents? As in both parents??
I lost a parent at 21. I have one remaining parent and no other family.
I am grateful to have a husband and children though.
You need to focus on the family you have and stop comparing as it can be very painful.
Btw you will find some look at you in Envy with a ful set of grandparents and children.

I've felt like this for years but I realised that the way my family treated me, was the way I was treating my in-laws.

I've accepted my family isn't close, doesn't value cousins spending time together etc. but in the last month or so, I've started making an effort with my SIL (who has tried with me for many years) and the last few days I really have felt apart of a big family you see on outings. I've had so much fun and kids too.

I know this isn't your case OP but if anyone is reading this comment resonates.. then look carefully who might be making an effort that you push away!

Similar here OP, we dont see DH family at all, I'm close to my mum and see my brother and nephew occasionally but apart from that we have no family around, makes me sad for my DC that they dont have more family around.

No advice but your not alone

Stop using social media to a greater or lesser extent? I have the bare minimum of social media to find clubs / buy second hand / find out what's on locally. But I don't follow anyone so don't have to see all the personal stuff.

Social media isn’t realistic. My DD, not a parent so slightly different, takes 200 pictures before deciding which selfie to post.

Most of us don’t get the children dressed 200 times before deciding on the clothes for going to school/park/grandparents.

This 💯. I am from a large family and while we mostly get along ok and would appear close to outsiders there is a lot of politics and drama going on under the surface. Things are not always what they seem.

Please get rid of any ill feeling towards others.... everyone is blessed in their own way.
Social media doesn't show you the real side only the pretty ones, so much goes on behind closed doors that they don't show!
We live in a world that is so fake...even if you had it all, trust me you will still have something else to feel sad about....
Count your own blessings, be content with what you have, and be grateful, make your own memories with your children.
Gratitude is the key to being content and happy ❤️
Bigger families sometimes cause more headaches it's not all rosy in real life, they even envy each other, so my best advice would be enjoy your little circle.... quality over quantity ❤️

Make your own family. Blood comes with all kinds of hassle. Build your own close network of friends who celebrate Christmas and big life events together. We do, and our group calls itself a family. We do a relatives Christmas which everyone suffers through to a greater or lessor extend but we are all looking forward to the "real" family Christmas

I have friends with a huge extended family in London. They all live v close to each other and there's a total expectation that they all rotate Sunday lunches hosting in turn. Every grandkids bday party is a 3 line whip for EVERYONE. There is massive angst if they commit to something with friends and are then not available. So they never come to anything, they moan and moan but don't break the cycle. We've stopped inviting them now. Even if we invited them a year in advance we'd be dropped for a family clash.
It looks like hell on earth to me so be careful what you wish for.

Enjoy your small family but with one eye to building out a support network for you all

I like the idea of a big family but when it comes down to it I couldn’t be arsed with all the interaction.