Don't know what to do anymore

[Owlgirl1987]

I found out 3 months ago that my husband has been having an affair with his friends partner for 3 years. I am absolutely broken. I haven't kicked him out as I couldn't see him without a roof over his head and we have a 9 year old son.
We have both started individual counselling.
I would like us to try and make ago of things andat least give it a chance to try and make things work, my husband says he's not sure as he doesn't know if we.can rebuild trust and both move on from what's happened.
I really don't know what to do, I dont know if marriage counselling would work or what is the best way forward with this.?
Any help from anyone who has been in this position will be great.

Thankyou

A 3 year affair and they only slept together twice?!

It really doesn’t sound like he wants to make a go of it. Is he even sorry? Trying to win you back? Doesn’t sound like he deserves your forgiveness

They only slept together twice in 2 years? Pull the other one.

@Owlgirl1987 he’s obviously lying he’s only slept with her twice. But regardless, he’s been lying and deceiving you for 3 whole years, that in itself is unforgivable and on top of that he’s not even begging forgiveness and 100% wanting to try again. Do you really want to cling onto someone who doesn’t really want to be with you?

Of course they've had sex more than twice

However, it's not for your family to force your hand here - your brother saying you'll "lose" your family is unkind and unfair.

I think you should kick your dh out personally, because I think he's only going to make a half-hearted effort to sort things with you. The other woman will also presumably be wanting him for herself and so you'd essentially be competing with that too.

So sorry OP. This is a horrible situation he's put you in.

I thought this too.

he clearly isnt interested in making a go of it. I wonder whether he is waiting for you to throw him out, rather than being the one to leave.

Take the day hour by hour. Thinking of you- you'll be OK. xx

Infidelity is abuse. Lying and gaslighting is abuse. He has emotionally abused you and is continuing to do so. I’d put money on the fact that he has been emotionally abusing you for quite some time.

Your family shouldn’t be pressuring you, but they will be frustrated to watch you being treated so badly. The fact is you will not get any support if you chose to stay with him. Nobody who cares about you would support it.

Your marriage is over. You can pretend it isn’t, but you can’t expect everyone else to pretend too.

Okay…. Listen really hard to what your DH is saying and look at the intention. He says “He doesn’t know”…. That is him telling you that it’s over. He doesn’t want to save the marriage because he is not invested in you. You are simply providing the roof over his head and he is doing just enough to keep you dangling until he can make his escape on his terms. You need to take control.

Yes I do know couples that have overcome infidelity. However in every case the adulterous partner showed genuine contrition and really put in the work to show they wanted the marriage.

I also know many couples who have stayed together following an affair. This is just because the woman (in each case the non adulterous one) is not willing to have a diminished lifestyle that would come from a divorce. Meanwhile all the men continue their numerous affairs as the sort of bloke who will fuck anything but never 'leave his wife' not because of love and respect but because of convenience and cost saving . (Divorce is expensive)

Op - he shows none of the former type of attribute.
Are you really prepared to be a 'convenient wife' continually cheated on. ?