Did you feel less lonely after separation?

[Likeabrokenrecord]

My marriage to DH is effectively over, but I haven't summoned up the courage to have the conversation. He is content to keep sticking his head in the sand. We barely speak except about practicalities and the kids.

I am just so so lonely and I think borderline depressed, but I wonder if I am kidding myself that I will feel less lonely if we split? It's not as if I'll automatically have lots of fun, caring people suddenly arrive in my life to keep me company.

Or did people find that their spirits lifted after a separation, and the relief of not having to put on the front that 'everything is fine' meant that even if you were more physically alone, you felt less lonely, if that makes sense?

Are you the kind of person who can do nothing about it? If not may be you could have some some sort of plan, even if you don't act on it, just visualise what you want to happen in the future. Maybe it's something you can talk to friends or family about.

agree with @Defenders - get a plan in place and see how you feel after that, I suspect you'll have the confidence to jump

Not quite the same but my DH is older than me and due to family history I worry he'll die young. We have small children. I have a sort of step by step plan in place for how I'll manage if that happens and it helps me live with the underlying anxiety about that. Big fan of making plans so you can visualise where you could go

Thank you - I have spoken to a lawyer briefly but haven't made plans as they advised me not to leave the house, but I know he won't go, my mind kind of goes blank at that stage.

I envisage the conversation going something like:

Me: "I want us to split up"
Him: (feigning shock) "I can't believe you are saying this."
Me: "I am, this is not a marriage, we can't live like this any more. Let's try to make this as easy for the kids and each other as we can"
Him: "I am not leaving this fucking house you bitch". Storms off upstairs
Me: ....um

You need to talk to people IRL who can give you practical advice on what to do and say - not just a quick chat to a lawyer. Prepare to leave, then tell him.

How about if the conversation went:
You: I'm unhappy and you deserve someone who loves you. So I'm starting divorce proceedings.
Him: (feigning shock) "I can't believe you are saying this."
You: Me neither. I wanted it to last, too. But it's not working for me.
Him: "I am not leaving this fucking house you bitch".
You: I found a mediator to help us through the next steps.
He storms off.
You call after him: I'll email you the details.

Once he's informed, you can talk to your friends and family about it - they might also offer advice or support.