Not keen on his friends

[Scenuc]

My boyfriend had an injury so set up an online gaming group a few months ago while he was off work. He has become friends with these gaming people. He said they do banter and insult each other all the time. I met these people last night for the first time and it was the first and second time he met some of them. I struggled to connect with them as they are gamers and don't have any other interests. One person cut me off and was disinterested when I was talking to her.

They will spend hours a night gaming and some of them have children which they ignore and which the one person was even heard swearing at their 2 year old child! Apparently the swearer is under social services. One calls her dog curse names.

When my boyfriend was talking to them they would just ignore him and what he was saying, I really felt for him because he has lots of friends and yet is being ignored by these people. The one guy I knew before he started gaming, and since he has been gaming he has let himself go because he spends hours on there and drinks a lot.

They asked me to join them on the gaming saying they need to get better scores. I don't have time for gaming working full time with family commitments, walking the dog and going to the gym. They berate people who don't game with them.

My boyfriend wants to go out with the them more regularly and he says they are really nice! I am not one to control and know he won't stop being friends with them but I really don't want to see them.

I don't know what to say if he asks me to come out with them again. Last night he didn't get why I did not connect with them as he said it is community but I feel they are lonely and just want a person to play games with because they are not interested in the actual person themselves.

Are you not more concerned about the amount of time he spends gaming and drinking? Does he work? Do you get yo spend anytime together?
If you don't want to go out with a certain group of people, then you absolutely don't have to but I think you have bigger problems here than whether you can politely turn down an invitation

Does your dp have social issues? Sounds like he's not picking up the fact they're not that fussed for him and not very nice at all.

If he asks you to go out with them again, say, no thankyou they aren't my people, but you knock yourself out. It wouldn't be my idea of a good time either, and there would be no way I'd be keeping him company while he chose to spend his time with them, but that's his choice. You make yours.

I assume he’s lonely. Does he still not work. You say he’s lots of friends, if so why does he want to hang out with these guys

The person who is drinking a lot is a friend of ours we knew before. It's just seems like they decline once they start gaming by neglecting their physical health through drink. My boyfriend has put weight on and they all seem depressed. They are distracting themselves from their other life issues such as not enjoying being single or not liking their job.

A good point, he has autism so sometimes misses social cues.

He is back at work now but so believe he is lonely. I want him to have friends but he just seems to be drawn to negative people. I don't know why he doesn't pursue his hobbies more such as history and outdoor activities where he would meet others.

I would decline going out with them and in time hopefully your bf can see they aren't really his friends, they don't have much social etiquette to make you feel unwelcome.

Thank you all for your advice. I decided I won't go again. One time he asked to phone me, 9pm came to chat on the phone and he said he is sorry he is delayed. I assumed he was at the supermarket. At 9.30pm he phoned and said the delay was he was gaming. I didnt understand why he asked for the phone call yet decided a game was more important than not being late for a phone call and didn't bother to say why he would be delayed.

He must have told these gamers I wasn't happy, as now when he tells them he is going to call me they say he is under thumb and mock him. We don't chat on the phone that often. I was in his life 1 year before them and yet I am the inconvenience to them 🙄

I have to be careful as they could quite easily manipulate him as they have tried to do so. Whilst I don't like them they have tried to turn him against me yet I have not done this about them so I will be giving them a wide berth.

Do you live with your bf? If you don't have any ties, don't put up with this, he is addicted to gaming to the point that he prioritises it over you, unfortunately he can't recognise, these aren't real friends, and doesn't seem to care for you as much.

This isn't You Vs The Gamers in a war over your boyfriend. He is a grown adult with full capacity to make decisions over how he spends his free time.

If he chooses to spend it gaming with people that you don't like, rather than on a phonecall to you, that's his choice.

Similarly, you have a choice about how you spend your time, but the problem you've got is not with The Gamers, it's with him.