Any tips for those without friends?

[Namechanginggiraffe]

This is quite new to me. I was part of a lovely friendship group - there were 7 of us. Naturally people have changed since Covid and the friendship group has broken apart and faded away completely. A few have broken away into smaller groups. That's great and I'm happy for them (genuinely!)

It dawned on me this morning that I no longer have any close friends. I do have a few acquaintances/almost friends.

I have one who I've known for 20 years but she moved away and we only chat online (albeit everyday!) We were best friends in the 2010s.

I have an ex colleague who is literally my favourite person. She's so funny, kind and intelligent. But she works A LOT and is very flakey with plans. She's my favourite person but I don't think I'm hers (and that's okay!)

And I have a fellow mum friend but again, she works a lot. I only see her for short periods (10 mins) at school. I have invited her out for a drink but she's so busy with work and the children that it's difficult to pin down.

I've just joined a new hobby which is nice but I can't see myself making friendships there.

I guess I just need reassurance? I suddenly feel isolated and alone. And feel a little jealous of people who clearly have best friends even though I'm almost 40. :)

I hope the problem isn't me, I'm not an ass. I don't think!

I'm sure it's not you. As you mention, Covid changed many things and the wfh culture has impacted on friendships and lifestyles. With your previous friendship group is there perhaps one or two people that you were closer to? And if you haven't already tried, could you text and suggest a coffee or lunch with one if them. Also, not sure if you are working but if so is there no one there you relate to? Same with the hobby group, give it a little while and you might find someone you hit it off with. Other than that, Meet up is often recommended on here. I know someone who dips in and out of that and has made friends that way. Worth a try?

Hi op no tips really. I tried hobbies. Did they want meet for coffee. No replies. Feel can I be assed now. Just feel people dont commit now.... On a positive meet a few school mams end month so thats good.

Join set groups that run at set times. That way you are not reliant on people getting back to you.

In addition learn to be your own best friend as you really cannot beat it. Exercise very good self care. Healthy eating all cooked from scratch drink plenty of water daily physical exercise fresh air etc. That way you will feel at your best.

Thanks everyone! Some lovely advice here and reassurance too. I'm going to look into more clubs.

My lovely husband has assured me that I'm not an ass 😂

💐for anyone else feeling lonely!

I could have written this myself!!

m I used to have loads of friends but now at almost 40 they have all dwindled down to about 5 but those 5 each don’t know each other so I could never have a group of friends now. Just one on one time.
and they all are usually busy for various reasons.
I find myself feeling so lonely lately.
I need to find some groups to join too!
good luck OP

@ThePinkQualityStreet yes do it. Its nerve wracking!

I just had a "feck it" moment and quickly messaged someone about joining a women's bike club (not road cycling but leisurely / meandering through forests and along canal paths)

My first time with them will be next week and I'm already highly anxious.

I might not make good friends there but at least I'll be having a blast with similarly minded people :)

There's no easy answer - just maximise the opportunities you have for making people's acquaintance.
Find a local parkrun with a good post-run coffee scene (volunteer if you don't or can't run). Similarly cycling, tennis, walking.
Hmm, where else do people chat? Book groups, board games groups..dog training classes (!), volunteering at kids' activities. Get involved in work based extra-curriculars...
At worst you'll end up on smile-and-wave terms with half the town, no bad thing in itself;)

I have arranged two catch ups with my friends I listed in my OP :)

And have joined another fitness group!! Which I'm scared of and excited about in equal measure.

Well done so being so proactive O. P, sometimes you just have to take the initiative. ( l'm not good at this myself so applaud you!) I hope you enjoy your new activities and your catch ups :)

You sound lovely and I can’t believe it’s about you!

I had similar a few years back where my friendship group broke down (I can’t even blame covid, just people moving for work, getting busy with kids).

I’ve found doing a course I’m really into has helped me make a lovely friend I really click with, as well as a wider group of fun acquaintances.

I’ve also found a couple of friends through a sport, after trying it at a few different places. One centre was uber-competitive and not good for socialising, but I’ve found a more relaxed class now with lovely, friendly people.

Well done for arranging some meet-ups - have fun!

Go for it OP, load up that socialisation blunderbuss!

You're just having an entirely ordinary moment of fluidity between the break-up of old friendship groups due to time and circumstance and making new ones. Don't panic, you're doing everything right, just breathe and stay open to new people and the unexpected.

(I moved countries just before Covid and had very few proper local friends in my new place outside of initial workplace friendships, but as we're having longrunning renovations on the house, I've become very good friends with our architect, and we go hillwalking together and are taking our children on holiday together this summer, and my most recent new friend I made through attending a meeting about traffic calming measures for our neighbourhood -- she's brilliant, and lives close by, but I would never have ordinarily met her.)

I wrote a similar post a while back. My circle of friends is now even smaller as sadly I lost one to cancer a few months ago 😢the other one who I used to meet up with regularly is going to move 4/5hrs away later this month. That leaves me with two so called friends who haven’t actually messaged me back about meeting up since last year so I won’t be holding my breath about hearing from them!

I need to to do the same as you OP and try some new interests, hope all goes well for you.

I am 42 and also struggle with having separate, individual friends and not a group. A much younger colleague just said she was off to the park to play frisbee with some mates and I feel so sad and envious. (WFH in different locations before anyone asks why I didn’t ask to join, aside from the fact that I think that would’ve been weird of me.)

Thank you everyone, you're all so kind and reassuring! I really appreciate it all.

I made some last minute plans and invited someone over for a cuppa tomorrow so fingers crossed. Am nervous. We have a few mutual interests and she's absolutely lovely!

You sound a lovely girl. Good on you for making moves to join things.

You do sound lovely and good on you for being proactive. I have met a couple of really lovely friends on bumble bff if you ever wanted to try that. There are so many of us in a similar boat, it just takes time, effort and luck to find some like minded people i think.

I'm considering going back on bumble bff to look for fellow mums i can have play dates with, as most of my friends are childless and I want to expand my son's social circle too.

Thank you to everyone who said I sound lovely! Thats really cheered me up :)

I've had my cuppa and she'll definitely be back!! Yay!

It's actually really refreshing to get to know new people. And hear new stories. I can't stop smiling x

Bumble BFF sounds so good!! I had never heard of it before.

Glad it went well!

I love how you are genuinely happy for the two friends that are still friends. That is so SO sweet and at the same time so sad too 😢
It feels like you're on the outside looking in.. it's heartbreaking that you have all these great qualities about you and life is still throwing you a bad hand. That is super unfair!
You are such a beautiful soul and I think herein lies the problem. Maybe for you AND me. Maybe we have been just too nice? My comment might not even sound nice but I'm trying to say it in a way that comes across as advice rather than condescending
You're too nice. You're just too too Nice! You want the best for other people and in that process you're putting yourself second. You deserve all these things that your other friends have! If not more!
Nice girls finish last. You're approaching forty with nothing. And to get everything in life sometimes you have to be a bit naughty.
I do want the best for everyone else I've never been jealous but more than anything I want the best for myself and do everything to make sure I get it.. which unfortunately means stepping on a few toes. But so what?
Speaking up for ones self. Not being afraid to not be nice. Men don't like nice. Men are not nice with one another. But women are because they believe that works... it doesn't.
There's a good book called 'why men marry bitches' read that it's good.
Maybe just try being not so nice at times and see where that gets you and WHO it gets YOU
... you may be surprised!

Well done op. Its harder at 50!! Im meeting one tomorr our walks fizzled out after covid. We have a coffee. Park runs can be good. Im not into book clubs lol. School mams we meet few times a year.

You're not alone! I'm in my fifties and have been feeling a lot like this recently. The problem for me is that I don't work and my hobbies are quite home-based (reading, writing, gardening etc) and a lot of the groups near me seem to be slightly older women who spend a lot of time in coffee shops and restaurants which is a bit too sedentary for me!

I did meet one lovely new friend in a hiking group and I have a few friends from a group I used to attend about 20-30 miles away, but they all have extra responsibilities of ageing parents/ school kids, neither of which I have any more, and I often find them cancelling things at the last minute as a result.

Everything seems so scheduled - I'd really like a local friend/ neighbour I could just hang out with a bit!

You sound so nice! Don't stop...people who are worthwhile will appreciate that! Men might love bitches ...seriously, who has time for all that...you be yourself, it sounds like you are really getting out there now x
At 74 I have always been a bit solitary.I had a good group of friends in my 20s but my late husband isolated me a bit and once I had the children and then was widowed it became all about them really.
I've had a long distance relationship for 14 years, see him a couple of times a month.
I still work part time 5 or 6 days a week. I've been there about 18 years so colleagues there are very important, I'll miss them when I retire properly. I'm dreading that!
I have grandchildren now so they keep me busy.Tiring though, I need my rest and my own space.
I love sewing and anything creative, traveling ( sadly not much now) reading, TV...
My 2 cats and rabbit are my absolute loves , they have all had health issues and their routines and happiness are all important. My elder daughter lives with me, we are both a bit chaotic.
I'd love a few more friends though.

Agree norma takes ages to plan anything now. Then months pass by. Im meeting a lady later we walked then covid. Its nice looking forw to. But the rest are yeh we must meet. Vague. Non comittal.