Snoring

[DottieLove]

Most of the stuff I see is usually the male that snores but I’m the female. My partner has just woke me by saying ‘shsss’ and last week did a similar thing and said ‘oh please stop’…I find it really hurtful. I’m embarrassed about it and have been seen by a sleep clinic, they’ve told me I’m ok but suggested positional therapy. I wear a nose strip. My partner bought ear plugs but won’t wear them as he says they make his ears sore.
I feel he’s being a bit unkind and I’m hurt…
Am I being too sensitive?

Oh God! I snore really badly (female) He always goes to bed an hour before me so he is usually in a deep sleep and I don't disturb him. Ironically after 30 yrs together he now snores worse than me (after being a silent sleeper for 20ish yrs) so I wear earplugs. We are such an attractive couple! Your partner needs to try different earplugs - mine are amazing and cheap from Amazon - block all sounds even when the bed is vibrating with snoring.

Women do snore also you know! You are being sensitive OP! How long ago was the sleep clinic assessment? Have you gained weight since or had any other medical issues since then? Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? I'm not sure what positional therapy is- but are you doing that?

Do you honestly think your partner would wake you up if you weren't snoring and keeping them awake??? I put up with it for years and it was horrendous- and that is with ear plugs! The noise was one thing, but my worry about the long pauses kept me up for hours checking he was breathing. Long story short- he has a CPAP now and has lost 10kg due to getting actual sleep! I'm now trying to wean off needing ear plugs!

Could you ask for another assessment to be done if it was more than a year ago? Are you tired in the day? This assessment might help, but depends on the cause for snoring:
Epworth (nasemso.org)

Separate bedrooms?

Snoring is awful when it keeps you up, both me and my husband snore, I used to use Earplugs but they do hurt your ears and wake up in the night with sore itchy ears. We sleep in different rooms, everyone is much happier 🤣

Separate rooms. The snorer needs to make every attempt to control and fix it and almost always don’t bother! Or gets defensive… it’s separate rooms for us otherwise it could have split our relationship

It's no joke, I can't stand snoring, happily my dog doesn't snore 😁But my God, the last fella I dated had sleep apnoea despite not being overweight. That's worse, as out of the blue was a massive snort following a period of not breathing multiple times in the night. It's actually not healthy and can lead to cardiac issues, so there should be more incentive than just noise inconvenience for someone to get it sorted.

I know it's embarrassing. Shushing, being poked and being told to roll over is fair enough I think, don't take it personally.

Separate bedrooms are amazing and much underrated. Sleep earphones playing white noise or similar might be an option for your husband, I'm not sure how intrusive or noise cancelling they get. I find earplugs fine for occasional use but they don't work for me or DH long term. I have to say since we got a spare room we have been very happy in separate rooms. It's just a bit of a pain on holiday.

The sleep deprivation from being woken up several times a night from snorer is no joke.Imagine how he feels.

Exactly!

OP I know it's hard to hear when your partner tells you your snoring is keeping them from sleeping, but please try to put yourself in his position. Sleep deprivation and constantly having your natural sleep pattern broken is no joke - it's actually massively damaging to both physical and mental health. I completely get that you are hurt, mostly from embarrassment and frustration too I would guess as it's not something you are deliberately doing to annoy him, plus you've tried in the past to seek help with no luck.

But truly, if it's making him so disturbed that he is waking you to get you to stop he must be at his wits end. I should know, I'm here at 4.57am (my time) replying to you because guess why? My lovely DH, (and he really is lovely when he's awake) is snoring beside me. We've now agreed to extend our house to add on an extra bedroom so in the future I can actually sleep properly for the first time in years. Is there any way you can reorganise your home do he can sleep in another bedroom? For us it was either do that or the divorce courts beckoned!

So in one way you are not being too sensitive because you actually do feel hurt and your feeling are valid, but in another way perhaps you need to consider his feelings a little more too. He is almost certainly not trying to be unkind, he just needs some decent sleep and is desperate.

And as a PP said, maybe consult another doctor and double check nothing has changed since last time.

Your feelings are valid but I do think you are being a bit sensitive/taking this a bit personally. What is it exactly that you feel hurt by? The fact that your snoring has been pointed out to you and you are embarrassed by it or how your partner responds to it in the moment? If it’s the former then I think you need to work through your feelings of shame about snoring and get over it tbh, if it’s the latter I do think that could be addressed if you can see a way you would prefer for him to respond while also being understanding of his frustration,

I’ve been up since 5am due to my dh’s snoring. I can’t wear earplugs as they give me ear infections although am contemplating getting made to measure ones. I wouldn’t ever wake my husband up but I do often shift position on purpose to encourage him to do the same, this often works and although I think it probably does interrupt his sleep a bit he isn’t ‘aware’ of it and often means I do manage to get back to sleep. Is your snoring worse in certain positions? If so perhaps you can train yourself to become a side sleeper of different sleeper? Easier said than done I know but as somebody who is currently side sleeping due to pregnancy there are all kinds of pillows etc to encourage it.

Dh complains that I now do. He did for years but it never bothered me much.

I wake my fiance up, it's horrifically loud, noome could sleep through it, our kids all say they can hear him in their rooms! I tap him (want to slap him sometimes- HARD!!!!) It stops him briefly but just as I'm starting to drift off, off he goes again. A gentle rhymical snore I can cope with, but this is way beyond that. Anyway he wears a device which gives him a gentle electric shock (sounds awful!) But it does seem to help and I swear he must also sleep better too. I also can't wear ear plugs, I've had countless perforated ear drums and get infections so easily in them.

So op, I don't know why you're hurt, I'm sure you'd feel the same about being kept awake (it's used as a form of torture for a very good reason!) But also don't be embarrassed, everyone does it at some point to some degree, but do look into trying to see what's changed as to why it has got worse. If not, separate rooms may be the answer, but as our kids know, it's not always that simple!

Get yourself tested for sleep apnea x

Same boat as you OP. Need to lose weight around 10kg. Vicious cycle 😔

Currently in separate rooms 😢

You are being sensitive. If we take sleep Apnoea out of it for a minute, Snoring is awful to live through. My OH has snored his head off loudly most nights for 30 years. I occasionally do if I have a lot to drink or I have a cold, then he sometimes says "you were snoring last night" and I always think "yeah, but you do it every night" - he knows this because friends who have been sleeping with him in a shared hotel room say "oh my god...." Although there are things that can contribute (being overweight, drinking, having a cold, lying on your back, time of night, full meal before bed) you cannot necessarily eradicate them all. I've got 4 kids, two snore, two don't, similar weights and no obvious reason. As OP say, the best option by far is to remove the stress by sleeping in different places (and actually I don't most nights, if I am asleep before him, I don't hear it) and I am used to the noise anyway so rhythmical snoring is fine. Slightly disturbing the person can knock the snoring off for enough time for you to get back to sleep and this sometimes works, but if not, find somewhere else. If this is the sofa with a comfy blanket, so be it. You do have to "collectively" own the problem without anyone getting upset. Hope this helps, x