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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it my fault ?

47 replies

Laura687 · 04/06/2023 22:46

I live with my partner , we own a house together but we’ve started to argue a lot.
He accuses me of being secretive with my phone (I’m not) and says he doesn’t trust me. Im 100% loyal to him and would never even speak to another person romantically.
When he accuses me of things and we argue I get angry - I throw a few cushions or sometimes let out a little scream to get my frustration out.

My partner then calls me a psycho and throws out a few insults even saying he’ll push me down the stairs. One time I said ‘you wouldn’t dare’ he then came down the stairs pushed me over , got on top of me and his hands round my throat. He says it’s my fault because I wound him up.

Is it my fault ? I only get angry because he accuses me of things and then when I say I haven’t done anything he says he doesn’t believe a word I say. Even though im angry I’ve never laid a hand on him first - not ever.

Im struggling to deal with how my partner can be so loving and then so nasty - why would he want to hurt me if he loves me?

OP posts:
BreviloquentBastard · 05/06/2023 09:22

Oh you need to leave. You really really need to leave. Statistically once a man has choked or put his hands around a woman's throat the chances of him eventually killing her go up exponentially. You don't want to become a statistic, please for your own safety, run.

To answer your question about our own relationships... I'm the same age as you, and can't actually remember the last time my husband or I shouted at eachother. Neither of us has ever thrown anything, and the worst he's ever done to me physically is accidentally elbow me while sleeping and bruise my boob, for which he was immensely apologetic for days and felt absolutely awful. He's never ever physically threatened me. We're kind to eachother and support eachother, and if ever there is a problem in our relationship we attack it together as a team instead of attacking eachother. He's never given a shit what I do with my phone, nor I his, and we trust eachother completely.

There just isn't place for violence of any kind in a relationship, nor threats of it. You need to get out and away from this man immediately. And I would also recommend some counselling for yourself, because while his behaviour is infinitely worse than yours, throwing things when angry or arguing is not healthy either. Please don't take this as me blaming you, it's NOT your fault he's behaved this way and your frustration is entirely understandable. But professional help to assist you in unpicking your unhealthy mindset around relationships will do you so much good and help you to form a healthy, happy relationship in the future. With anyone but this man.

polkadotdalmation · 05/06/2023 09:34

Statistically if a man attempts any type of strangulation, he is more likely to commit partner homicide. You need to get away from him.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 05/06/2023 09:43

Laura687 · 05/06/2023 08:40

I know deep down it's wrong but I just keep telling myself it's a blip and that he'll change or maybe all relationships go through this and the grass isn't greener? I was fully expecting him to apologise this morning but he was just moping around feeling sorry for himself.

Sounds silly but could you all describe what your relationships are like? What's normal - I feel like at 32 years old I've lost all sense of what's right and wrong.

I've been with my DH almost as long as you've been alive. He has never so much as raised his voice at me. Your partner is abusive. You are in an abusive relationship. You need to leave before he kills you. Because it will get worse, it always does.

Groutyonehereagain · 05/06/2023 09:45

Bloody hell @Laura687 run for the hills, as fast as you possibly can. This man is DANGEROUS. 💐

BigPussyEnergy · 05/06/2023 09:47

A good/normal relationship does not have ANY physical violence in it. Nor does it include threats, nasty name calling, repeated accusations of infidelity or any other toxicity.

A healthy relationship would look like someone saying “I’m concerned that you’re getting a bit too close to X person and it’s making me feel jealous/insecure” etc and the other person saying “oh darling I don’t want you to feel that way, I have to spend time with them for work/hobby etc and I enjoy their company but I 100% don’t want anything more with them because I love you. How can I help you to feel better about the situation?” And it wouldn’t be ongoing.

Nobody would be throwing anything or screaming, nobody would threaten to leave, or call the other person names or blame them for something they haven’t actually done. He is most likely projecting because he’s cheating on you. That’s what they do. Whatever he accuses you of. That’s him. Psycho. Cheat. You name it.

I’ve had relationships like yours and believe me they don’t get better. They get worse. The first one did try to kill me. It started with a little squeeze of the hand. A bit too tightly. Telling me what I was wearing was unsuitable, a little push, “just jokingly” of course. It ended with him pinning me down on the bed, strangling me so hard it left hand prints on my neck and wrists, and then biting my face, leaving teeth marks. Luckily my screams woke my housemates who were able to get him off me.

The more recent one started with throwing things or kicking them over in anger, but just things that wouldn’t hurt so of course “I had no reason to be scared”, a scrunched up ball of paper thrown in my face, a bin kicked across the kitchen. Refusing to leave when I was scared of him, me calling the police to get him out of my house.

It’s not normal and it’s not healthy but I stuck with it for years for the “good times” (most of which were tainted by being called a C* on every holiday and special occasion), being called mental every time I got upset about anything, me having panic attacks when we argued because he was so awful to me, but then he’d end up comforting me, almost like he wanted me to be upset so he could be the hero and make me feel better. It was an absolute rollercoaster. But not healthy. Not by a long way.

You need to see that this dynamic is most likely making you very anxious and clingy, desperately trying to prove to him that you are worthy while not realising that he is not worthy of you. You can’t change him, if he wants to change he will have to do it on his own, as he has no incentive here. He knows he can say and do anything and you’ll put up with it.

But you also need to change because throwing things - even cushions - and screaming is not ok. I know these people can drive you to behave in toxic ways yourself, but be better than him. And find someone else who doesn’t make you feel like that. This one is a dud.

PaintedEgg · 05/06/2023 10:11

I've read somewhere that people who are violent enough to choke someone are beyond help from their partner - and the partner always needs to leave in those scenarios.

This man provokes arguments, then strangles you and blames you for it. He clearly cannot control himself enough to not choke you, one day he won't control himself enough to not kill you. Run.

Leapintothelightning · 05/06/2023 11:18

Laura687 · 05/06/2023 08:40

I know deep down it's wrong but I just keep telling myself it's a blip and that he'll change or maybe all relationships go through this and the grass isn't greener? I was fully expecting him to apologise this morning but he was just moping around feeling sorry for himself.

Sounds silly but could you all describe what your relationships are like? What's normal - I feel like at 32 years old I've lost all sense of what's right and wrong.

This abuse plain and simple. It is not a blip. It is not normal in a loving relationship.
You need to leave him.

billy1966 · 05/06/2023 12:14

This is such a dangerous situation.

He put his hands on your throat?

You need to report this to the police.

Your relationship is toxic, violent and very dangerous.

You need to leave.

The house needs to be sold.

Reach out to family and friends.

This is a very violent man.

monsteramunch · 05/06/2023 12:55

Men who put their hands around their female partners throat in anger are statistically 6-7 times more likely to murder them. This is a critical situation and you are in immediate danger. You must end this relationship. Call womens aid for advice on how to do so safely.

My partner has never shouted at me. He isn't a reserved, quiet person he just respects me and talks to me as an equal so there's no need for us to shout at each other. If he said something that inadvertently upset me, he would be apologetic and genuinely worried he had made me sad. He would never feel ok about upsetting me indirectly, let alone say something to hurt me on purpose. This should be the baseline of what you expect from someone who loves you, not something seen as out of the ordinary or extra special.

You are in a deeply abusive relationship. You are in danger. You need to end the relationship as safely as possible so will need some help ideally. Do you have trusted friends / family to talk to as well as women's aid?

Laura687 · 05/06/2023 15:48

Thank you everyone.

It sounds silly but I feel like telling people will mean there's no going back. I love my house , I have a dog - I loved my life. I know everyone reading will think I'm stupid - I know what everyone is saying is right , but I'm terrified of destroying my life. My brain can't separate the loving man to the man who hurt me.
How do I start again? I can't imagine myself being happy without him , which again is madness

OP posts:
WateryDoom · 05/06/2023 15:53

Better to start again than be killed in the house you love by the dangerous man you are living with.

Stop stressing about 'starting again' and 'loving the dog' and actually listen to what people are telling you. You are about to become a statistic.

billy1966 · 05/06/2023 15:54

Up to you OP.

You can stay and risk your life.

Or you can value your life and take steps to be safe.

This is who he is, a violent thug.

The longer you stay, the more time you waste of your life, on a violent thug.

You are just wasting YOUR time, and worst case, risking your life.

He is a violent thug.

Report him to the police and ask for help.

He should be removed from your home.

Seas164 · 05/06/2023 17:22

OP there is no loving man. The man that attempted to strangle you, is the man. You need to decide if you value bricks and mortar over your own safety.

Think about why telling people will mean there is no going back. It means no going back because what he is doing to you is abhorrent, and illegal, anyone that cares about you wouldn't want you in a house with a man who has tried to strangle you.

It's likely that his behaviour will escalate. You know what comes next.

Get in touch with Womens Aid when it is safe to do so, they will help you work out the safest way to exit. They have a phoneline and an online chat service. Please don't wait this out to see what happens. It's not worth it.

You can get out and you can start again and you will look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking, but this is not your fault, this situation has crept up on you little by little. But it is time to leave and find peace and safety.

Sittwritt · 05/06/2023 18:46

Stay if u must BUT start keeping a log. If it grows you go. Make a pledge to yourself.

He’s a total shit as everyone agrees on here. He put up a nice facade and it may take u a while to realise that.

Sittwritt · 05/06/2023 18:46

To realise that he isn’t real.

Laura687 · 05/06/2023 19:50

I spoke to him tonight and we just argued again - I tried to explain I got angry because he accused me rather than talking to me. I also expressed that him putting his hands on me wasn’t acceptable and there was no excuse.
His answer was he’s not saying it’s right but he’d do it again if I reacted like I did and that I need to take responsibility for my part in it.

We've had a lot of history and previously in our relationship he’s spoken to other girls , followed randoms on social media and was always up and down with us. I managed to forgive him and chose to trust him again - we did break up briefly and because I saw someone for a few weeks that’s why he can’t trust me. But surely I don’t deserve this ?

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 05/06/2023 20:42

come on OP stop making excuses.... this is not how a relationship should be.

Seas164 · 05/06/2023 20:50

He's literally telling you straight to your face that he would have no hesitation in strangling you in future. What you do with that information is fairly key, I'd say.

Sittwritt · 05/06/2023 21:49

Is this thread for real? Or a troll?

S25 · 05/06/2023 22:04

Honestly if this is all real then you need to stop making excuses for him and his appalling behaviour and get out right now. He’s literally said he will have no problem putting his hands on you again, this isn’t normal you must see that? What if he goes too far and ends up killing you. Please, get out now.

Laura687 · 05/06/2023 22:38

@Sittwritt i can assure you it’s very real.

thank you everyone for your advice , I’m in the process of seeking help

OP posts:
Sittwritt · 05/06/2023 22:46

The thing that made me wonder if it’s a troll is this:

‘He’s a psycho
He’s harmed me
He says he’s likely to do it again
Am I unreasonable?’

If you are real OP please get out. Stuff the perceived comfort, he’s either NPD or BPD, sociopathy or psychopathy, either or, both highly dangerous.

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